I have turned into a B**ch.
So husband's daughter called from jail today. He was talking to her when I came in. Not sure what was said and I don't really give a crap. Just hearing any of his kid's name make's my stomach turn. It took me almost 6 year's to get this way it didn't just happen over night. I don't talk about his adult brat's and when he talk's to me about them I act like I'm listening but I'm not. I'm tired of all their on again and off again of drug's, lying, stealing, and drama. If the roll's were reversed he would not like my kid or even let her around. I know him to well. He is the type of father that has swept everything under the rug. But I have to say he has improved some what. I don't try to talk to him about his little heathens anymore, not my kid's and I didn't create that mess. So she is back in jail again on probation violations again for breaking into my husband's home, yes I call it his home because it was his when I came here. I don't get a say in weather or not his kid's are welcome here or not. I have changed into a person that I don't know. I have anger issue's now. I dislike his kid's because of there lie's and trying to make me look bad to there dad. He may push me to a limit to where I will walk away from all this. I have put up with his crazy ass kid's for 6 year's because of my love for him. They have pushed me so hard in that 6 year's that I have come to the point where I don't even want to deal with 1 iota of there bullshit. That's another thing I now cuss never use to. I have never disliked anyone as much as the trouble maker's that they are. My husband said well his step daughter and son in law apologized . I said to you not to me they didn't do it to you they did it to me. I'm just tired. It's like a never ending story if it isn't one of his 3 adult brat's it's the other . Only time will tell where my life is going. Shame on my husband for tossing me under the bus so many time's because of his guilty daddy syndrome. enough is enough. I'm not doing this for 20 year's. If his wife was alive I know for a fact he would never let them disrespect her that way, so why is it okay for them to do that to me. Thanks for letting me vent as alway's.
It is understandable to still
It is understandable to still have residual anger after all you have been through. Consider counseling to help you work these feelings out of your system. HOpefully one day you can let all this go and enjoy your marriage freely.
Wanted to go to counseling
Wanted to go to counseling but my husband didn't want to go so I said then I want to go. He then said the only reason I want to go is so they will tell me what I want to here. I told him I wanted to go and I would tell them all that's happened and the truth so I could get an honest answer. No go.
Uggh that's ugly ! Breaking
Uggh that's ugly !
Breaking into your hubby's house ?? How did that go down ??
She hasn't been aloud at the
She hasn't been aloud at the house because she stole some of my husbands meds and some rolled quarters out of the closet and lied about it. So she wasn't to come to the house that lasted about a year. Then she started her sob story how she was going to be getting married and needed money for a dress so daddy let her have a check for 150.00 to get a dress her and her boy friend and my step son went to Vegas come to find out she spent the money on gambling told to us by stepson. Then she stole money out of my purse and a pair of my earrings and read my diary. So she was told she was not aloud here again. So another year went by and one day I was taking my husbands father home she called wanted to come over I told her she isn't aloud here. At the time I was going to leave I had , had enough of the kids BS. Anyways I was taking my husbands dad home. While I was doing that She thought she would break into the house. I had a feeling she was up to something because she is always so sneaky, so I drove back to the house and her car was in the drive way I looked into the kitchen window and there she was. She was after money or what ever she could get her hands on. Called my husband he said to call the police and press charges so I did. She lied and said she didn't. But she kept texting me and the police told me to text her back and ask her why she broke in and she admitted to it in a text.
My word ~ I wish you lived
My word ~ I wish you lived close I'd have you over for a bottle of wine or two.
This is no way for you to live ~ just waiting for another incident.
He needs to get his balls back n do the right freakin thing. Tough love ~ cut those emotional vampires out of your life. And never look back ...
You are not a b ~ you are
You are not a b ~ you are just not reacting how he would like you. Oh well !!!
I chose to no longer be her welcome mat ~ I will no longer give her the respect I did give her. I will now treat her as my enemy cause that is what she is ~ I am not required to engage in anything with her. To me ~ she does not exist ~ it is peaceful. I have found my peace ~ she can bite my bright white ass b4 she will ever be in my home. No welcomed ~ my life is too precious to be around ugly nasty people. My parents raised me to be a better person n I am not required to take shit from anyone.
Those are my boundaries that I adhere to. I am worth more than to be treated like dog shit on the bottom of your shoe.
That sort of anger takes
That sort of anger takes years off ones life. Literally. Set aside the years of time lost trying to vent that anger when the causes of it are in your face daily. By all means see a counselor but not for the usual reason. Plan out your leaving, it should only take a few sessions, perhaps 4. This situation is not going to change and you're only going to get more and more angry as this losers life unfolds and your husbands lack of respect shows itself over and over again.
By the way those apologies aren't worth the bag of crap they're carried in. It's very unlikely that both of them sent you that message. If one did it's a way of apologizing without really doing so. In my opinion he made the whole story up.
Yes I have aged I have never
Yes I have aged I have never had this amount of stress in my life. But like I said I love my husband and try to look at each day as a new one. I don't think they said they were sorry for one bit. I think my husband made it up. Why would they apologize if every time they come up do they continue the same thing, not only that but lie out there teeth. I feel my husband doesn't have any respect for me when it comes to his brats, if he did he wouldn't have let it go on for so long. All I can say is if this mess with his kids breaks us up he will have a hard time finding someone who was as good a wife as I was and am to him.
anger is the result of being
anger is the result of being treated like a doormat over and over gain. its very common to feel that way. your husband is not sorry at all.
he is abetting a criminal.
many of us have felt this way and understand. the only way you can stop your anger is by disengaging and not caring any more.
This kind of strain does
This kind of strain does change a personality. I saw it happen to me. I became embittered. But I lost that aspect of my personality when I stopped taking crap from DH. For me it was done through couples counseling and now, regardless of how problematic the skids are, the one thing that's fine is that I don't turn anger against the situation in on myself and am able to communicate directly with DH about it. It's not perfect but I have got my calm and merry personality back. I feel you must not put up with all this hardship without making a change in your situation of some sort. If you do not make the change, no-one else will. And if you take active positive steps of some sort, you will regain your hope and self-respect. Imo it is loss of hope and self-respect that makes one bitter, not the actual behavior of other people, although of course that can be very cruel and destructive in step families.
And to add to what OCC says,
And to add to what OCC says, if you can't contemplate leaving straight out, do make a change to your own life and make it clear to him that you are not actually prepared to even listen to information about the skids. The ball is then in his court. He either manages that or he doesn't. If he does, then he will change more things too. If he doesn't, you will find that is a motivator for you and will give you the strength to make even more changes for yourself because you will have the answer to whether he cares about your feeelings or not. Every little action breeds a reaction.
I have mad a change and he
I have mad a change and he don't like that to bad. When he told me he was going to invite them here for the weekend I said you will have to be here. He didn't say a word. They still haven't been here yet. I think he knows I'm serious. I am.
I could never tell his kid's
I could never tell his kid's what I think of them . I have gotten a little more out spoken to my husband, if he don't care about my feeling's who else is. So some time's I will tell him. Like I did tell him I'm not putting up with anymore bull shit. I have to be able to stand up for myself and not worry that he is going to tell me to get out. If he does he does. Yes I'm sure I would hurt for awhile but it's not like I will hurt forever.
Wow...I feel like our stories
Wow...I feel like our stories are so similar....except my step kids did the drugs, stealing and rehab when they were 15...and I get along with my SD. However, like you...my husband has the guilty dad syndrome big time and my 27 year old SS who is working on his Masters in Psychology, knows how to manipulate my husband enough to get my husband to "understand" and love his SS even when SS treats me like crap. And just like you with the apology thing...my SS has apologized to my husband and his grandmother for past crazy tantrums but has never ever apologized to me for anything...he actually said I have no authority in his life whatsoever and that I was scum of the universe. Anyhow, thank you for venting. I was doing a search for advice on leaving my husband because of SS...and stumbled upon your question. I have been doing a lot of soul searching and trying to figure out whether I want to stay married to the man who let's his son threaten me and call me things like scum of the universe...my only difference is that my husband and I have a 12 year old. Anyhow, I have been doing various things that make me happy on my own and that has helped a lot. Maybe you can take a mini vacation away from them and the drama they cause and maybe one day our husband's will wake up from the guilty dad syndrome.
I wasn't around but his kid's
I wasn't around but his kid's did tell me they were using drug's at age 13. I don't no I wasn't here but by looking at there arrest records they have been in and out of trouble for along time. My husband said its been worse since there mom died. I really find that hard to believe only because of all the things they have told me. The part I have a problem with is there dad helps get there life all in order AGAIN. and they do good for a bit and then here we go again, they are back to doing drugs and lying and stealing again. They loose the things they worked for after about six months then call daddy I need a car or money. My husband has backed of this quit a bit, but then I wonder when he will gave in again because of there whining and making him feel quilt again. My husband love's his kids very much and I understand that who doesn't. But he needs to set boundaries or our life is always going to be full of DRAMA.
He paid for a phone card of
He paid for a phone card of $50.00 for her so she could call. He didn't want her to fill like she was alone and had family there for her. Like I said he really love's his Kid's.
it's taking me along time to
it's taking me along time to get them up. I never wanted to hurt my husband, I mean they are his kid's, But I have realize my feeling's matter also, if he isn't going to have my back then I need to. If he wasn't going to have my back then he shouldn't have married me. I have put up with there shit talk ever since we have been together not anymore.
"Swept under the
"Swept under the rug"....yeah, my SO is guilty of that too.
"I have anger issue's now. I dislike his kid's because of there lie's and trying to make me look bad to there dad." Yep, I'm right there with ya.
"That's another thing I now cuss never use to." My oldest child heard me say "ass" when he was 11. The first time any of my kids ever heard me "cuss." And he was SO mad at me. I cuss like a sailor now. They're all used to it.
I also hate who I've become during steplife. I feel you. You are not alone.
My husband doesn't want to
My husband doesn't want to face the fact that his kids lie steal and use him. But I have to say my husband is pretty smart I cant see where he doesn't see all of this that has happened. I wonder how he would react if it were my kids doing all this crap would he kick me to the curb or ignore it. Out of all his kids the ones I cant stand the most is his step daughter and her lazy ass husband who don't work. His son has worked maybe 6 months ever since I have known his dad. My husbands son in law calls his wife my husbands mini wife laughing. I see it all the time and even his other 2 kids have said the same thing oh well it is what it is.