Need Advice
I am a step mum to two boys aged 8 and 10. The 8yo is my partners son from a previous relationship whereas the 10 year old is my partners exes brother who moved in with her when their mum died. We have both the boys every weekend, majority of the holidays and when they have training days at school or when they're ill. Whilst I love having the boys around I feel as though they're been neglected back home. The boys are forever coming to our house with long hair riddled with headlice and telling me they haven't had a shower/bath since they came to ours last. They've told me countless times that their sister has been looking after them alone since she was 10 years old. They're also wearing clothes/boxers which are like 2-3 years too small for them. Walking around in holey shoes for a good few months before they get bought anymore. Me and my partner has bought them lots of clothes/shoes, the boys go home in them and we never see the items again. On top of that, the boys have no self awareness at all, they don't have any table manners, self hygiene, just general manners like please and thank you. To me they're at the age where they need to start been independent and do chores like tidying their room, tidying toys away after playing with them. The 8 year old has started wiping his bogies all over the sink when he's on toilet and on our sofa, then he started wiping poo on the walls and denied it was even him until I told him he was the last person in the bathroom then he admitted it. I understand that children have odd habits, it's just I have a nearly 11 month old son with my partner and he looks up to both of his brothers, they are my sons in my eyes too. Well, I don't want my son getting into these habits as it's very hard for me to cope with those 2 let alone an extra child. My son has ended up with headlice countless times, first time been when he was 4 weeks old. I remember that time as I thought I was the worst mum ever by allowing my baby to get them, I messaged the ex and explained about the headlice and whether it was ok for me to pay for the boys hairs to be de nitted and then for short back and sides. The reply was threatening! Just because I'm my partners gf does not mean I have any rights in those boys upbringing and if I try taking it in to my own hands I will regret it. She also banned my partner from seeing the boys for a few weeks. It's funny how she says I have no right when she wants to get drunk and my partner is working she'll drop the boys off on me! The boys have even started picking the tension up between us and when I tell them to do something they don't want to do then they'll go back to Mum/Sister and say I've been hitting them. Me and my partner don't know what to do. Any advice would be greatly appreciated 
thanks x
We have already but they say
We have already but they say they'll investigate and let us know. One of my friends is a foster carer and she's in contact with ss all the time. She mentioned it to ss but they said the boys are already been checked up on but nothing has happened. We also know if we take her to court we will lose the 10 year old as he is not related to any of us although he's like a son to me.
Daddy should take his kids
Daddy should take his kids and shave their heads. He has the authority to do so and can stand up against his ex.
His ex should have no power to "ban" him from seeing his own child. He should get a court order of visitation.
We've shaved their heads on
We've shaved their heads on countless occasions. Then the ex tells the boys to pass a message onto my partner saying if he does their hair again she'll batter him. The eldest is not any relation to me or my partner. Just my partners sons brother so as we aren't legal guardians of him we can't take him to the doctors as we have no rights. He also has warts all over his hands and feet where I feel guilty for making him wear socks and have his own towels etc as they are contagious. The youngest has athletes foot and they both aren't even registered at a doctors yet! I've reported ex countless times but never heard of any follow up. The cheeky cow tried blackmailing my partner into giving her £80 a week for their sons upbringing. Luckily when I saw the message I put my foot down before she received the first payment, we have those boys more than what she does! I've tried countless times contacting social services but they just say they'll investigate but never hear any feedback. Those boys need to be looked after properly! They're suffering from asthma and have a permanent cough as she sits on the sofa next to them and smokes. They have two breeds of dogs both males who started attacking the kids when they pester them. The 8 year old ended up in hospital needing stitches due to one of the dogs jumping up at him as the boy was dragging him around by the ears. They both have cracked teeth, scream in terror when they brush their teeth at ours as their gums start bleeding as they don't own a toothbrush at home. They get dropped off at the exes sisters early hours in their boxers so she can go back to sleep or work.
I was at the doctors
I was at the doctors yesterday getting yet again more headlice treatment for my son. The doctor wanted to know where he got them from so I explained to him. He started typing alot after that and even after I left. I've told my partner that if those boys come to ours this week and their hairs still haven't been cut then I'll be taking them to the doctors myself, It cost me £45 to de nit their hair.last time and I didn't have that type of money. Thanks for your advice, I'm just hoping those poor boys will be looked after. The eldest boy has been having sexual thoughts these past few months. Taking pictures of his private parts, getting the youngest to do the same and trying to get him to touch each others. Then got my 5 year old nephew to lick the bits on a doll, my 8 year old nephew got into trouble as the eldest boy made him write words like sex, fuck, cock etc on a piece of paper. In a way I'm glad I never had a daughter as I wouldn't be responsible for my actions if he ever touched her! Same with my son now, if this boy can get boys to pull their trousers down and get their bits out then what could he do with my son? It doesn't bear thinking about.
Apparently the school already
Apparently the school already knows and they know Social Services are involved. The school tried contacting the ex as her son was sick at school but she didn't give them her new number so he had to stay at school. Considering he was up all night the night before throwing up, she still sent him to school. They're off for the 6 week holidays now do won't have no contact with the school until September
Easy fix. Rub the little
Easy fix. Rub the little shit's nose in his smeared shit on the walls then light his bare ass up with a belt. When they come to your home with lice shave their heads and burn their clothes and keep a supply of Rid-X soap and shampoo to deal with their lice. Head to the thrift store and re-clothe them.
Make sure to take them to a doc and take many pics of them when they arrive unbathed and nasty then let BM do what she will. Step up to her threats and shred her ass in court when she forces your hand.
Most importantly tell your DH to put a hand between his legs, grab a big old handful of man sack and step up. The only way to deal with a toxic blended family opposition is to shred them whenever they pull their toxic crap.
IMHO of course. Good luck.