I'm moved out and am filing for divorce
There are a few of you here who have helped me so much, so thank you. For those of you who have said I'm not real or that I had something to do with the post on Cafemom, whatever. Think what you want, but I had nothing to do with that! I found this site hoping for some help and I found it from some of you which is why I'm posting an update.
I have hired an attorney, my husband knows that I'm filing for divorce. He has been very generous and has said that he will pay to get me into my own apartment and will take care of me until i can find work. Part of me is totally floored that he's not trying to get me back but then I'm releived that he's being so nice. I don't know if he just never loved me the way I thought he did or if he is just dealing with so much now that he's like whatever, do what you need to do. My stepdaughter is okay, I miss her so much. I'm going to watch her 2-3 days a week for the time being. She doesn't like her grandma (DH's mom) and she misses me so I'm going to take care of her until I find full-time work. I'm still staying at my friend's but I will be in my own place on August 1. It just seems like the right thing to do. I know she's not mine but I want to have a little more time with her. I'm not an idiot i know I probably won't see her after the divorce.
The sad part is that my husband's ex really is sick. A family friend told me that it's stage 3 cancer and that she's having a double mastectomy next month and then chemo. I feel really bad for her and for my stepdaughter. I totally doubted it and I guess its real. i haven't talked with DH about it, it's all very businesslike with him its so weird. I think he has what he wants now which is my blessing to go abck to her and take care of her while she's sick. I just feel like everything we had was a cherade. Mostly I'm worried about SD becuase who's going to take care of her when I'm gone?
Not to be rude... But, my
Not to be rude...
But, my Aunt passed away from cancer not even a year ago. We've been dealing with her cancer for something like 10 years. In my experience cancer doesn't just go from 0-60 like that in two months.
I'm glad you are out though. Take care honey. Keep us updated.
Don't waste time worrying
Don't waste time worrying about who will take care of his daughter. I imagine he'll either get remarried and start the process over, or she'll have to suck it up with grandma.
I'm going to watch my
I'm going to watch my stepdaughter a few days a week until she starts kindergarten in September. I dont' know what will happen until then but my husband said he'd pay me for my time and I want to have more time with her. it's all happening so fast and I guess if my husband said I miss you or I want you back I might come back but he's nto saying that. He's being very polite and thanking me for taking of SD but he doesn't seem to miss me at all. I heard from his sister that BM is really sick it's worse than her doctors said at first so I thought my husband would tell me that but he hasn't said anything about that.
I hope you are very happy in
I hope you are very happy in your new life. It's painful when your DH acts like he could care less that you are leaving. It does verify how little you felt like you meant to him.
Be happy.
Thank you for saying that! Im
Thank you for saying that! Im really struggling and it helps even if your just a stranger on a website!
I am sorry it has come to
I am sorry it has come to this but if he doesn't really love you, it's best that you've found that out now rather than after you have spent your life taking care of his child for him.
I'm sure he's going through a lot but geez, he didn't even try to fight for you a little bit.
Good luck. I hope you eventually find someone who truly loves you and feels that you are worth fighting for.
The demise of any marriage is
The demise of any marriage is sad. My condolences that your DH could not make your marriage the priority that it should be.
Take care of yourself.
Thank you for being nice. I
Thank you for being nice. I just posted to Cafemom too because I'm so pissed at how those women judged me. I know I should just focus on what's happening in my life, I mean who cares what these people think I've never met them. But I do care, I think sometimes we reach out for help wherever we can find it and i'm not a bad person I'm a loving person and I don't deserve what they did.
Why would you stir up a site
Why would you stir up a site to site fight?
I DIDN'T DO ANYTHINGI!!! THE
I DIDN'T DO ANYTHINGI!!! THE FIRST I KNEW ABOUT CAFEMOM WAS READING ABOUT IT HERE!
Posting on cafemom about how
Posting on cafemom about how you're pissed IS stirring up shit. I wouldn't call that nothing.
Yup, which is a big part of
Yup, which is a big part of why I question the whole shit show.
I had a look at Cafemom for
I had a look at Cafemom for the first time just now. There I looked at just a few posts of yours from today. I don't know what went on before. But I saw you are making similar accusations and expressing outrage at readers being unkind to you and you also rehearse the previous narratives. Only on Cafemom, you post that the multiple email conversations between DH and BM were "intimate" in a particular way. Which wasn't alleged in the ST posts.
I just feel that this posting on forums is not helping you to come to terms with whatever is going on, it's stringing it out. It feels as though you are not processing this material but rehearsing it and it is gradually changing and developing into something else.
I will keep saying until I am blue in the face, your posts read as if you are trying to engage with a group in a way that is not healthy for you and you urgently imo need to get counseling. Now that your DH is showing willing to pay for you to be more independent including housing you and giving you a wage for working for him, I strongly urge you to get some help for yourself as, to me, you really need it from a skilled professional rather than a group or two groups of strangers.
I talked about how
I talked about how inappropriate my husband's communicate was here on Steptalk, http://www.steptalk.org/node/191822
Thank you so continually telling me that i need help and not the kidn of help I can find on a website. Why are you here, then?
*slow claps*. Thanks dtzy
*slow claps*. Thanks dtzy for saying it far better than I did.
Yes, she is claiming we
Yes, she is claiming we Stalkers said things that she herself said. I saw it as well.
Even if she wasn't, I still wouldn't defend her. she is deliberately stirring the pot on this and pulling this sites name into it.
"control" is a weird word to
"control" is a weird word to use I feel. Aswang may have posted this or posted that but I did not notice her pulling strings in people's heads.
The ex probably never
The ex probably never self-examined. Once pain starts it more than well on its way. That's why pancreatic cancer is so deadly. It's almost never discovered until its painful and then its too late.
The kid will do fine at grandmas. Life is full of things we don't want to do so its time she learned.
I just put my uncle in the
I just put my uncle in the ground last month to agressive cancer that he didn't want to undergo chemo again. While at the same time, his old brother, my grandfather just told his oncologist not to bother with the cancer meds. He's lived a pretty long life. He told my mother "When I hit 80, I thought I could make it to 90, and now I don't think it's going to happen." I'm very blessed that I have 4 living grandparents still. I love them very much, but I've always had a special bond with my maternal grandfather...and watching him be sick from these drugs makes it difficult for me to be near him, to watch him suffer like this. He's given up on the drugs, and he's getting back to his regular self. I don't know how much time he has left, but I'm making sure I'll visit him every other weekend, and get every last available minute in with him that I can. It breaks my heart...and this amidst issues with DH's health, and we are having a custody trial next month. Sure, we all have "days of our lives", but some of us really are here for support...because we realize it's not so great to casually meet a neighbor while dog walking...and lay all of this on them.
Thanks to all my friends here. I've come to respect many of your opinions here, and look forward to much of your advice. This forum has been my support group, and I don't think I'd be in such a healthy place if not for many of you. <3 lots of love, Poly
Thank you so much. And for
Thank you so much. And for the record, I did try that other place a few weeks, months before I found step talk, and it just reminded me of early AOL hookup rooms...so that didn't last long.
Thank you so much! I just
Thank you so much! I just address one issue at a time, and that seems to help. But like I said, I'd be in pretty rough shape if I didn't have this forum. It's like a breath of fresh air to know that others out there have gone through exactly what we're going through.
I am actually horrified that
I am actually horrified that the op has no heart. Maybe she needs to follow the yellow brick road to find a heart. No empathy whatsoever !!!
Lost many people to cancer ~ regardless of the known stage for her to minimize the diagnosis infuriates me.
Maybe your husband saw that you had no heart of empathy more like a green heart of envy n jealousy. Sorry but to build this post around cancer ~ you will never win my sympathy ever. Cancer is the devil ~ to recognize what that woman will endure is beyond my comprehension. Obviously you have never witnessed it first hand.
Tinman ~ get a heart quick.
Oh FFS. Are you still here??
Oh FFS. Are you still here??
Cafemom and STalk do things differently. That site is good for some and this site is good for others.
The fact you're riding the fence on both sites is beyond annoying because you are exhuming a ridiculous rivalry that should just stay buried.
Please, for the love of dog, go find a simpering divorcee blog to post your story and leave us and Cafemom the hell alone.
Posted twice
Posted twice
Catlettuce, you are very
Catlettuce, you are very generous spirited.
Ever since she first posted I have believed that OP was looking for drama -- not in her life, which may or may not be running like this, but from interacting with us.
Now finally she brought it to a head, by enmeshing the two sites. I made the first post after she talked about posting on Cafemom, although my reply now appears a few entries down. But look how she replied to me then, just 6 minutes later: "I talked about how inappropriate my husband's communicate was here on Steptalk, http://www.steptalk.org/node/191822. Thank you so continually telling me that i need help and not the kidn of help I can find on a website. Why are you here, then?"
Note the aggression in that. Now I'm not saying that my own comments would not be perceived as sharp by a naive poster. But, this is no naive poster. It's someone who wanted to quarrel with other posters and spun her yarn for that purpose. The yarn may or may not be true. If it is, she has a serious problem with enmeshment, as witness her proposing to be paid by her DH to look after her SD when, on her account, both the DH and the BM have very real reasons for hating her at the moment and the reality in this scenario would be that the poor SD would pay the emotional price for the dreadful mutual manipulations that ensued. But I don't buy that it is. Not only for all the reasons cited over all the posts, but mainly, as a matrimonial lawyer, because I don't believe a well-off and workaholic guy like this DH would possibly be offering housing and payment to a person who has just filed for divorce. I don't know the law in her part of the world but anywhere in the world a lawyer can bet you than no man who is respondent to a divorce petition will start shelling out to an ex who may be about to take him to the cleaners -- in a way that can be quantified and then used as a yardstick for the future. Of course the sueus of this site could reply that the guy has yet again swindled the OP by taking advantage of her naivety and playing sugar daddy only to rip her off later. I don't accept that. I think a lot of this posting is pie in the sky.
And my answer for why I am on this site, is, I love learning about life in general and psychology in particular, especially insofar as it assists me with my step life. And I find a lot of the posters here honest, witty, and wise. However if there are clowns, they are amusing also.