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immediate crisis!

icanttakeit's picture

Submitted by icanttakeit on Sat, 07/12/2014 - 11:05pm

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Family Court

My husband's ex just called and told him to come get the kids. She is sick of their shit and wants them out of her house. The problem is, she has primary custody, and I'm worried that this is a trick and she's going to call the cops and say he kidnapped them. What should he do? He has a 2 and a half hour drive to get them.

Orange County Ca's picture

Submitted by Orange County Ca on Sun, 07/13/2014 - 5:10am

Tell him to stop at her local police station, explain what's up, ask that he fill out a report and ideally have an officer accompany him. If necessary he can say its necessary to keep the peace.

If its too late he should go to your local police with the children and again ask to file a report telling them that he's not kidnapping anyone and ask that they call her to confirm.

ltman's picture

Submitted by ltman on Sun, 07/13/2014 - 5:58am

Have her text him that she wants him to pick up the kids, then show it to the cops. Give your attorney a heads up.

JingerVZ's picture

Submitted by JingerVZ on Sun, 07/13/2014 - 8:30am

Oh so Mom is sick of the kids and they need to disappear? What happened to her magic wand?

Obviously they did something. Has her inability to parent got something to do with it? Because her kids are annoying and she is at her wits end, BMs solution is to dump them on DH? Oh wow, what a problem solver!!

Don't fetch the kids. If she doesn't want custody she can follow the legal route to get rid of them or sell them to a passing circus... Does your DH want them full time? Why doesn't she learn to parent her own kids before shipping off unruly monsters to be YOUR problem. Talk to DH and find out what reason she has to get rid of them and discuss whether you want them full time. The fact that Mmmoooommmyy is tired and longer wants her sex trophies doesn't count.

peacemaker's picture

Submitted by peacemaker on Sun, 07/13/2014 - 10:41am

...just say No...

It is HER problem...she will have to learn how to deal with it...:That just doesn't work for us to drop everything right now because your having coping issues...Let her figure it out on her own...If she is serious...do you really want custody of them? Think it through...Don't let her high emotional state make it a crisis for you...

They are her children...it is her problem unless you do want more custody...then use this crisis to have her do what she needs to to change the existing situation...Do NOT RESCUE HER...otherwise, once the emotions calm down she will no longer be motivated to change anything...If you do not want custody...then suggest she get some professional help...

This is her problem not yours....Don't let her make it yours...Sounds like she has already transferred it to you considering the title of your post....Someone needs to remain level headed and calm...try to rise above her emotions...If they were still married...would she even have this option? No...she would have to learn how to cope with her own children...this is just a quick convenient reaction because she has not taken the steps to deal with her kid's issues to begin with...If you rescue her...you will become the answer over and over the next time there is a so-called "crisis"...doesn't sound like a fun way to live your life...She needs to own the responsibility of where she is at right now...are the kids in danger? I doubt it...don't jump just because she barks at you to..."Someone come and deal with my life I created"...do not do it....Get out of reaction mode so you can respond with wisdom...I mean really...what is she going to do if he doesn't? drop them off on the street corner?...really...no I don't think so.

Right now you are setting a precedence as to what is acceptable for the future...

ChiefGrownup's picture

Submitted by ChiefGrownup on Sun, 07/13/2014 - 12:38pm

This is really excellent advice, peacemaker. Very, very good. Hard to remember in the moment, but so so so good.

sydney99's picture

Submitted by sydney99 on Sun, 07/13/2014 - 12:06pm

I had many similar situations with BM. Once she told us that we could take SD to a family wedding many states away, she was more than happy to get rid of the 4 year old for a week 1/2. Once we crossed state lines, she called the police and said we were kidnapping. It was a MESS - and with the feds involved as well!!! in the end We tried to get her for filing a false report, but when it was all said and done, it was just called a "misunderstanding". REALLY?!?!?!?! We never took SD for anything again - despite BM pleas that we could take her anytime on vacation, etc.. She was very sorry for the misunderstaning. BS!!! Mistakes like that don't just HAPPEN!!!

KB14's picture

Submitted by KB14 on Tue, 07/15/2014 - 1:05pm

you could always call the police, report whats happening, they can file a 51A on her for neglect... he can get LEGAL TEMPORARY custody until they go to court

coping's picture

Submitted by coping on Tue, 07/29/2014 - 5:31pm

I've had so many issues with my husband's ex, I always assume she is up to something. At least get her to email it to him so he can cover his butt, just in case.