I was offended by some of your comments
I logged on expecting to give a quick update and then I saw all your comments. I dont' know what to say except that yes, I am a real person going through a real really shitty time in my life and this place was somewhere I could come for advice. I really appreciate everybody who took the time to share their thoughts and advice they really helped me. Some of you have faulted me for taking that advice since I don't really know any of you but then again why are we all here? I dont' know what other site you're talking about this was the first stepparent forum I found when I searched for one. Maybe there's a better one other there for me. I will tell you this and then I'll take a break for posting here because I no longer feel like I belong here since I have to justify myself. I am getting an attorney and filing for divorce. It's all happening really fast and I hope i'm not making a mistake but my husband isn't showing me any signs that he's willing to work on us or even choose me over his exwife. My heart breaks when I think of my stepdaughter and the fact that I will see her less and less and then maybe not at all. This is not the life I thought I was going to have, I thought I'd always be in her life raising her, I thought my husband loved me and wanted a life with me but it's clear that he is not disconnected from his ex. I can't be part of that anymore now that everything has come to light. As soon as I get the legal stuff figured out I'm going to see a counselor, maybe try to find a group that's free just so I have other people to talk to. So thanks again for being there for me.
Wow. Just wow. I read your
Wow. Just wow.
I read your last post and quite frankly everyone seemed to support you and advised that you are making the right choice to get a divorce.
You're offended by people agreeing with you??
Hi Sueu - thank you. I didn't
Hi Sueu - thank you. I didn't see the I notified the BF of BM story until after I posted my response.
Childish, childish poster. I know she's hurt but now is the time to suck it up and be an adult. Not resort to adolescent mind games.
I believed her. Hell anything
I believed her.
Hell anything is possible in step land.
Her situation was
Her situation was "paraphrased" on CafeMom to seem as though hubby was just being nice to Ex and Alwaysanonymous was portrayed as an overly dramatic/possessive wife. I think the disparaging comments came from the people who also saw the CafeMom thread.
I think you are making the right decision. Who is to say that if you would have stayed and devoted your life to SD that he wouldn't have divorced you at a later date and taken SD away from you then? Unless you adopted her she would have never been 'yours'. I am sorry to say that. But that is the way the law sees it. You have plenty of time to build a life and adopt your own children. But I agree with the other posters that recommend counselling. You feel really down on yourself because you are unable to have a child, and that is exactly how this man hooked you. He preyed on your biggest insecurity. You need to realize that having a baby isn't the only defining characteristic of yourself. Take some time to build yourself up again, be young. You will find a man who will be committed to the idea and reality of a family with you. Don't settle for less. And sue for alimony. Your hubby was a douche and you deserve to be compensated for your dedication to HIS daughter.
Thank you, I appreciate it.
Thank you, I appreciate it. It really took me by suprise and hurt my feelings, frankly, to listen to people questioning whether or not my situation is real! Believe me I wish it wasn't? I went over to cafemom to see what people were talking about. They posted a very inaccurate version of my situation over there and the people there attacked me in all kinds of ways. The whole thing makes me question posting at all if everything I write can be moved to another site. I'm really glad I got hte advice I did here i know in my gut that my husband is not devoted to me he just wants me to take care of Sd. I'm meeting with the lawyer this afternoon. I'm feeling less secure about my decision today but i guess it comes and goes. My husband called and left a message asking when I'm coming home. I haven't called him back I guess I'll wait until after I see the lawyer. Anyway i don't think I'll be posting much because I feel kind of exposed. If something big happens I may post an update or two. In a way i feel like things have settled down a little. I have enough money to rent an apartment and I have my resume out to a bunch of places. I can't stay with my mom but in a way I'm glad because she would just make me question myself. I feel really alone but I know I'll be okay.
Oh I totally believe you're a
Oh I totally believe you're a real person. I just didn't leave any comments on your other blog about contacting the BM's BF because I was disgusted with your childish behavior.
Deal with your own marriage and your own s**t. Leave your H because he treats you like crap. I totally support you in this decision.
But you crossed the HS bulls**t teenage girl line when you involved someone else. You are lashing out and that is not okay.
Clean your own house. Take care of yourself. If the other guy wants to put up with that crap, what's it to you??
So what? I'm not going to lie
So what? I'm not going to lie to her that she was being childish by contacting the BM's BF. That relationship is none of her business and she was just stirring shit because she's miserable in her own life.
Thank you aswang. A drama
Thank you aswang.
A drama filled life doesn't need any more drama.
Utterly pathetic for someone
Utterly pathetic for someone as ripped off as this OP seems to have been, to advise her to take an interest in stopping her husband's affair. Whoever this author is, is an idiot to say that is the priority. The priority is to get away and recover self-esteem. If I have been abused by a rapist, yes, I want to expose the rapist so as to protect other future victims. But someone cheating on me, who has been in a team that enjoyed dominating me emotionally? To give them the pleasure of watching me trying to influence their lives? I'd have a bit more pride, sorry.
One thing I always liked about sueu was her ability to tell self-pitying posters to stop wallowing in their own vanity and get on with life. IMO to engage further in a psychodrama with this DH, the BM, the boyfriend and the whole lot of sorry idiots, is to waste time on a major scale. Counseling with a genuinely well-meaning therapist or confiding in a friend that values your welfare, yes. Getting legal remedies, yes. But mixing with people who have wished you ill? It's called masochism.
Sometimes it's easier for all
Sometimes it's easier for all of us to question if ANY of us are real people. The situations you read here... if you've read other peoples nightmares - sometimes get FAR worse than yours. On to physical abuse even! It's scary, & it's hard not to get too emotionally invested.
With someone moving an (inaccurate) story of yours to another site, it made us question. I admit, I questioned it too. I know there's lying going on somewhere, either BM to DH, DH to you, or you to us. I'm leaning towards the second one.
It's the internet. You can never really be sure. That doesn't mean we don't care. Hell for all you know, we could all be fake & sabotaging your marriage! Just posting the advice means even with doubt some of us have, we care & want whats best for you.
Let us know how it goes with the lawyer. Good luck
I am glad that you are
I am glad that you are letting this guy go. What man prioritizes his EX over his CURRENT?? A guy who wants another ex, obviously.
I am sorry that you are feeling attacked. You are already in a stressful enough situation.
I am totally baffled why
I am totally baffled why you'd be hurt at people questioning whether you're "real". Even YOU say you wish it wasn't! For myself, I kind of hope it IS a crew because otherwise my heart breaks for the poor kid. She's in for a hell of a life.
Either way, I wish you the best! Definitely come back and update us if you can!
I don't see a 25 year old
I don't see a 25 year old whose life is falling apart and who has little support in her personal life sitting down and writing another quiet and naive post about how she feels offended that she is doubted.
This one is impulsive (or at least she's written that way). Anyone who has spent time on the internet knows how an emotional 25 year old woman would react to people doubting that she's real, and this just isn't it. It's yet another inconsistency.
I've been a vocal doubter of her story and I'm okay with that. I've also read her story, thought about it, and taken time out of my day to give advice to her, just in case.
I don't feel that openly doubting that this is real is in any way offensive if this poster is indeed real. If anything, the fact that people think it's too much of a circus to be true should drive her to get out of a ridiculous situation that much faster.
And posters here will I am
And posters here will I am pretty sure, ultimately be tempted to craft their own emails to him. It's so unhealthy, whether intentionally or not. Whatever the truth of the matter, it is troubling when a poster constantly emphasises her vulnerability like a rabbit before the headlights and issues an appeal to an audience to form a supportive chorus around her to rail against her enemies, then appealing to guilt when the audience goes off topic onto their own concerns and conversations about step life psychodrama as we do. The reward to the audience is they feel "strong" and powerful, they are "validated" by the gratitude. Much though these characters sound horrible, the conclusions some posters have leapt to about the exact levels of lying about the cancer, the affair, the cruise, and so forth, has been mind-boggling and does read like a group act of self-hypnotism sometimes. The potentially harmful result is that the OP stays put in the situation to get more strokes. Reminds me of the brilliant Margaret Atwood book, "A Handmaid's Tale", where in a future dystopia ruled by men, women are divided into infertile wives who are socially accepted and fertile female slaves who are used for reproduction and sex and then discarded. The only time any of these women are allowed any political power is when they get to go to mass executions where the men in power send out a rapist into the arena and allow the women to mob him in one mad, frenzied crowd and tear him limb from limb. The women find this empowering but as Margaret Atwood so beautifully demonstrates, it yet further feeds into their oppression.
I didn't know about the other
I didn't know about the other site and have not gone on it, but it's fair to say that this kind of post does get treated as an interesting saga by casual passers-by on the net so if people rush to read them that is no surprise. I just right from the outset felt the narrative style, with its exclamation marks, singlemindedness, non-reciprocity, and dangles, to be self-conscious, to be seemingly seeking to create some sort of relationship with the reader that was not healthy. From my perspective I interpreted that chiefly as an invitation to codependency between women. My theory was not that there was another site, but another audience, perhaps that the comments would all be ultimately fed back to the DH as part of a misguided attempt to get him interested again. It's to me as if there are dramatis personae in the story that are being brought together by the narrator, and the Steptalk commentary is one of those dramatis personae. I also did not like the fact that I could write the next chapter before it happened, but on the other hand as CatL has said, truth is often stranger than fiction for us in our dysfunctional messes. I don't mean to insult women as the recipients of abuse, I am very committed to women's rights, but imo caring women have to be clear that sometimes, vulnerable women do seek help only to keep up a reassuring narrative that allows them to stay in bad situations and develop the drama, and often in those situations, the vulnerable women ultimately become passive aggressive to the motherly ones when they do not get their needs met.
This is exactly why I prefer
This is exactly why I prefer Steptalk to "other" websites. This one is so much more honest and down to earth
Seriously, I love this site!
Here's the hook line:
Here's the hook line: "Anyway i don't think I'll be posting much because I feel kind of exposed. If something big happens I may post an update or two." Dangle...
What surprises me is the
What surprises me is the amount of people who think they are omnipotent in that fact that they can 'see' all lies.And their arrogance in the belief that it is their right to 'expose' the lie.
I have been following this story because this happened to a friend of mine about 20 years ago. The situation was different because the step parent was a dad. My friend 'John' started dating an older divorcee with a 6 year old son. They got married and had a daughter. His wife was 'supporting' her ex though a heart surgery. She came home one day, packed her bags and left. She ran off with her ex and didn't even try to contact her children for 8 years. This did an immense head job on her son, because both his bio's abandoned him. My friend 'John' was a single parent receiving no CS. And when she finally did come back those kids acted like she was the Queen of England. He was treated the same way that AA is being treated. So I believe that this story is real. I think that it is easy to attack someone from the comfort of you home, hidden behind a computer screen. It is also cowardly and classless. I am old enough to think that I have seen it all, but every time I begin to believe that, life throws some new twist or people act even more retarded than I thought was possible, and my illusion is shattered. We don't really KNOW what is happening in anyone's life. Before judgement is placed we really do need to walk a mile in someone else's shoes.
Haha I posted a bio just so
Haha I posted a bio just so those 'P.I's' could investigate me. I am not in any step situation. But I got bored reading about serial killers and sociopaths so I switched to Step parents. Just joking. I am interested in your lives/posts. I actually got an account to defend AA. I have seen things happen in my life that could have been written for Hollywood. And trust me I am the original skeptic. Had I not seen the things I would have never believed they could have happened at all. So I have an open mind about what is 'real'. Seriously we never know. But obviously this situation is riveting enough to draw tons of attention and to illicit emotional responses. Even snarky ones.
There are some bat shit crazy
There are some bat shit crazy threads on this site. And I also come here when I am bored or am waiting for my husband to come home (like I am now).
I have no idea what other
I have no idea what other site people are talking about. I have posted on here on and off for about 2 years. I don't have time or energy to spend every day here or on any other sites but I have noticed the same 3-4 people consistently posting "Crew?" or a cryptic reference to this "Crew" person on more than one occasion, and I may have even been accused of being this person (some people can't handle dissenting internet views).
This is the internet. No one know who is telling the truth and who isn't and at the end of the day, who freaking cares? Take it for what it is worth, read the constructive advice and ignore the rest. Don't take anything said online personal. No one knows you or your situation. Do what you think is best for you.