Need someone to talk to......
I am feeling very alone right now.
It feels that the SKIDS are running my marriage.
I love my husband so much and I don't want to lose him, but it seems that this is where we are headed.
Ever since we got into an argument about him speaking to BM for 30 minutes outside of the car and leaving me alone with SKIDS in the car, Its been rough.
He claimed I was selfish because he was speaking with her about the kids.
I have been drinking lately (which is crazy for me because i NEVER drink)
and i have been in a separate room on my laptop just crying..
I feel like he is just doing his thing, eating with friends, shopping, etc.. and my life feels like it is ending
I'm so stressed out and its so hard to go off with one of my friends because they are either pregnant or have kids and i have none of my own. I'm so heart broken and just feel so isolated. I really need to talk with someone before I go insane! 
so very sorry…sent you a PM
so very sorry…sent you a PM
Many a bio-parent enters a
Many a bio-parent enters a relationship with their opposite because they need help with their children. It may not be deliberate but could be sub-conscious. If you're involved with the children when they visit try disengaging, a link to a article is below.
If you disengage you'll stop being cook, chauffeur, cleaning lady and babysitter. Part of your explanation to him before you start will be that the kids are here to visit him not you, no babysitting especially during lengthier visits such as summer vacations. No cooking or cleaning after them. It's entirely his show.
Eliminate sex during their visits - if he notices tell him you're too embarrassed or agitated while they're so close. Stick to this program regardless of his objections. Make sure you can't get pregnant between visits.
See how much he cares for your feelings as opposed to how agitated he gets because you're not performing what he considers your "duties". This will give you an idea of how you're viewed in his eyes. Love of his life or sex worker/babysitter.
You didn't mention children of your own. You really should get out of this situation and find a childless guy. There are a million of them who are ready to start their own families with someone like you. Your current guy seems pretty selfish and self-centered. It's time you gave him more time to spend on himself by getting out of the picture. Here's the link I promised but instead of reading I'd like to see you packing:
http://steptogether.org/disengaging.html
Unfortunately I do not have
Unfortunately I do not have any children of my own..
Which makes me resent SKIDS that much more
DH has 3 and got "snipped" after.
He just recently got a V-Reversal and it was successful but if i am stressed
I know it will not help me any in getting prego.
We have been through many arguments where he has told me he would not get the reversal because he didnt want me to be a parent to his child and us get into an argument and leave him to have to pay more child support.
I was very upset that he even dared to compare me to BM when I am nothing like her and I have stayed around even after the way SKIDS have treated me.
It just seems that it always turns back on me, like Im the problem no matter what.
Those SKIDS try to play like angels but they really are little devils trying to push me away AND SUCCEEDING
Oh hell no. Once, while we
Oh hell no.
Once, while we were talking about kids, DH got upset and compared me to BM, saying I just wanted what she had (a kid and child support). I snapped. I was all, how fucking dare you compare me to that piece of trash. I was the only one who stood by you when she methodically ripped your life apart and I only wanted to figure things out before having a kid and you accuse me of wanting to be like BM? You know what? Keep your damn sperm. I'd rather find someone else than suffer having you as the father of my child if all you can see in me is BM's actions.
Then I began making my exit plan.
That was two years ago, the first and last time he ever dared compare me to BM. He made up for it and apologized, but he payed for that comment dearly.
If you let this go, it will become a habit of his to make you be quiet, to make you complacent. You don't want to be like BM, therefore you won't do these things that he doesn't want for fear of being like her. This is a manipulation tactic (and one I happen to despise), and if you don't stand up for yourself, you'll have given him a powerful weapon against you. Seue is right, although it's a tough pill to swallow--you being sad has done NOTHING for him, has not changed how he acts or what he does, and why should it? It doesn't affect him. Being sad should be a fuel for a solution of your own, should drive you to find a solution that gives yourself the respect you deserve from your husband.
I hope you stand up, disengage, not in a sad or "I have no other choice" way, but a "I'm doing this for myself, by myself, and screw you if you want anything different because you squandered your chance, bucko."
I feel like you just
I feel like you just described my life!! I have no encouraging words... What you expressed is exactly why I signed up on this sight. All I can say is you are not alone.
I understand what you are
I understand what you are saying but that's just the way I handle things.
Everyone is different and capable of different things.. "disengaging" may be my only option.
We work for the same place and it would be impossible to escape.
I dont want to divorce him. I just want him to see my side and be more open minded
I definitely did not expect all of these issues to begin after we got married, it worked before so why wouldnt it work after? I just cant stand the sight of them.
I really just wish that he would decide for them not to come over so we cant start at trying to make a family of our own.
He thinks Im being difficult.. I think he is being closed minded and refusing to see things as they really are.
After all, BM is remarried with another child and that is the real SKIDS family.
My SS doesn't even want to come over because he doesn't like the way his dad parents.
He can get away with alot more things at BM's house because she does not care as long as they are not bothering her.
I just really wish he would have kept his **** in his pants and waited
He claims he hates BM but at the same time is seems he always is trying to please her
If i want a weekend to ourselves its "i cant because she will take us back for more child support"
Well im done with being threatened. Ill work OT if i have to.
I just want my husband back.. is that too much to ask??????
There is no reason for you to
There is no reason for you to be cruel and judgmental.
Im hear to vent..
If i wanted to be judged I would be talking to my husband right now
So please stop judging other people as a means of dealing with the problems in your life, believe me when I say it does nothing..
DO NOT GET PREGNANT with your
DO NOT GET PREGNANT with your marriage like this! It will only add more stress that you can not handle. Don't bring an innocent child into a bad situation because you are going to end up a single mom and having to share custody with him. TRUST ME
DO NOT GET PREGNANT worth
DO NOT GET PREGNANT worth repeating.
Millions of guys out there who have kept it in their pants or at least their sperm from connecting. Time to start life over by quitting job, home and marriage. Brand new start in a brand new town.
2nd option continue down the spiral and waste more years. He's not going to change so either you accept it or move on.
Ok, trotting out "the
Ok, trotting out "the list"
1. Does your man allow co-sleeping with his children? (aka the kiddies routinely jump into bed with him at night)
2. Does he have to lie down with them to get them to sleep?
3. Do the children seem somehow "stunted" socially? Do they have poor hygiene habits, eating habits, bedtime habits?
4. Does your man subscribe to the "one big happy family" model? (expects you to love his children as much as or more than him)
5. Does your man have the "inability" to say no to his children?
6. Do his children seem overly "hyperactive" to you?
7. Does your man say "just relax; you worry too much" or "Everything will be just fine" if you bring up a legitimate concern
8. Do the children seem "overly needy" demanding that dad spend 24/7 with them? Do they physically lay all over him and go bonkers when daddy steps out of their peripheral vision?
9. Are they unable to do age appropriate tasks or want dad to do things that could easily be done themselves?
10. Does dad seem overprotective of his children; unwilling to let them try things out on their own?
11. Has dad said things like "I don't want to make waves with the BM b/c it will affect the children" or "we'll take the high road" when faced with blatant BM stepping over boundaries.
12. Has dad said things to you like "you don't like my children" or "my children are UNCOMFORTABLE with you" or "you're a child hater" or "my children are afraid of you" or "my children don't like you?" This is code for you are able to see through the manipulation and the children don't like it. . . and frankly he doesn't like the fact that you can see through his children's manipulation either. He'd rather look the other way as opposed to actually parenting because he might "lose" his children to the (almost always) PASinator BM.
Is this part of a pattern
Is this part of a pattern from him? Has he made you feel disrespected before or completely disregarded your feelings? Please get yourself to a therapist and like others have said DO NOT GET PREGNANT under ANY circumstances. Whether you stay together or break up, his FIRST kids and BM will be first in his life. You and your child will be an after-thought at best.
Also you have put forward two
Also you have put forward two very bad reasons for getting pregnant. The first being to fit in with all your friends; if you feel that pressured then make some more childless friends. It's unhealthy to have all one's friend in either the parent or non-parent camp. Life's a continuum; you need to think of mixing with people at different ages and stages of it. The other, to somehow start a new family that wins him away from the skids. This is an absolute atom bomb and you will make all of you very, very unhappy if you proceed with that attitude. I know I'm not the most blended family sort of person (irony!) and am entirely disengaged from two of my adult skids, but really, to take on the BM-style view that reproduction is a competition, well it may be correct from an evolutionary point of view, but socially and psychologically it is suicide -- for you as much as for the whole group. DON'T GET PREGNANT JUST YET!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Get some therapy for yourself now and work out some of your thoughts and feelings in a safe place where someone professionally trained gives you expert care. Your DH is not acting in a caring way and your response to that is potentially self-destructive.
You can't wish his children
You can't wish his children away. Go get a life of your own. I am with you in that is hard to meet friends. Take a creative class where there are other women who chat while they create. Do something for charity, we all need gf's and it gets lonely when you can't call someone to vent.