Someone elses BM,
I was talking to a friend from work and she was complaining about the treatment a friend of hers had received following the death of the Bio Dad.
This guy died in a truck crash recently, very very sad 
He and BM split up 3 years ago, she left, moved towns with their 3 kids.
For the last 2 years he has been in a relationship with another woman, living in the home she owns.
I happen to know this lady, she's actually a really nice person, (my friend did not know this, and I didn't tell her)
The complaints over the "poor treatment" were that BM had not been allowed to make the funeral arrangements, "She's the mother of his children" "He was the love of her life"
I would think that the 3 year separation might throw a question over the "love of her life" thing.
And yes she is the mother of his children and if it was a funeral (god forbid) for one of them, of course she would have been entitled to make those arrangements.
I also said that I could see a lot of similarities to our situation (except that we are now married), and if anything ever happened to DH there was not a chance BM would get a say in his arrangements.
The complaints continue to the life insurance an superannuation payouts.
Turns out he changed the beneficiaries of these from BM to the new partner.
She, the new partner has given half of the total to BM for the children. I said I thought this was generous. Nope This was not enough. She is apparently a "gold digger"
Actually she's a lovely lady who is completely devastated by the loss of her partner. Someone she loved to absolute bits.
Now, he has obviously given this some considered thought to these or he would not have changed it.There were also other financial "benefits" included in his will to care for the children.
Nope. Repeated answer is that she is the mother of his children.
I know everyone grieves differently. And sometimes it's easier to take aim at the soft target. And that the BM CAN'T be angry at the Dad, because he's gone.
I guess it gave me pause.
That my friend couldn't see a second side to the story.
And what is her real opinion of my position as second wife?
Yes, second class wife. I
Yes, second class wife.
I certainly look at my "friend" differently now.
Its a tricky situation. My
Its a tricky situation. My ex husband (father of my child) passed away 7 months ago. He was living with his girlfriend of 5 yrs. I felt compelled to handle all the memorial arrangements myself. He too was the love of my life, best friend and soul mate, even though I am happily married. Long story short, we split up 13 yrs ago due to his drug addiction, but we always remained good friends and close. His girlfriend was too devastated to even begin to think about funeral arrangements. His family was all estranged and lost too, they couldnt do it either. HIs family and girlfriend were happy to have me step in and do it all. I was happy to, I felt that I would be the one to handle it and I did. My husband was understanding too.
Thank you Grace. It was his
Thank you Grace. It was his parents and sister who made the arrangements, his partner was happy (if thats even the right word :? ) to let them do this.
He was close to them and they to her. I can see that his children certainly are a consideration and to my knowledge the grandparents made sure that that was reflected in the services. But she is the EX.
If they were "meant to be" at least in his mind he wouldn't have made the changes he made. The new partner did more than she had to,in fact she kind of went against HIS wishes in doing what she did. It wasn't enough.
My friend was, at least I felt, saying that this woman should have no say and no place because he hadn't procreated with her. I guess that is what gave me pause.
That's been the most
That's been the most impacting thing for me.
I'm left wondering why she even chose to share this with me. She's aware I have Step kids and that we have no children together. The drama taht the BM and SS's cause she's not, I keep most of that out of my day to day dealings IRL out of respect for my DH.
Can't help but feel that I was being put in my place somehow
No... Unfortunately I'm much
No... Unfortunately I'm much more inclined to ruminate on what's been said .
I get all angry later.
Hoping she stays married cause with attitudes like that she's got the makings of a nightmare BM.
I am/are/is/was terrified of
I am/are/is/was terrified of that exact situation.
I feel terrible for the second wife.
Uumm...legally, he cannot
Uumm...legally, he cannot give you custody.
I know Sally, it just breaks
I know Sally, it just breaks my heart.
This poor lady is already suffering from this devastating situation and as if that's not enough she now has the full force of an entitled ex wife let loose on her.
And she's still thinking about his kids!!
Really though, If the Stanky
Really though, If the Stanky Skanky Whore Ho ever came CLOSE to FDH's funeral (God Forbid) and said he was the love of her life...kids around, family around or no, I would let loose on that bitch with everything I could....
You cheated on him multiple times, got him fired from three jobs, destroyed both mobile homes he bought you, did drugs while pregnant THEN divorced him and married the man you cheated on FDH with AND kept his children away from him for how long?
Oh No...I would unleash a level of hell on that woman that would be Legen------wait for it---DARY.
Ohhhh I promise you if Witchy
Ohhhh I promise you if Witchy Poo showed up at DH'S funeral (god forbid) She would face a similar fate.
But I'm pretty sure I'd be in line behind his brother,his twin , his best friend and his mother. There might not be much left by the time my turn came
I gotta say that IMHO womb
I gotta say that IMHO womb rental fees end at the death of the XH and BM is on her own if XH changed beneficiary status to his new parner.
Apparently the deceased provided for his kids in his Will. XW is rightfully shit out of luck in this case.
The beneficiary partner giving half of her inherrited benefits to BM for the kids was above and beyond IMHO.
XW was lucky to have not been dragged of in hand cuffs if she showed up at the funeral.
Though never having experienced anything close to this we did have an interesting interplay with my Step grandfather when my GM died. She was 90 and passed away a month after her birthday and their 20th anniversary which were the same day. He insisted on having her buried next to his first wife while her Will stipulated that she be buried next to my grandfather. My mom and aunt accelerated the funeral and burial to prevent my GM's wishes from being violated by my SGF and his family. He was a great guy but my GM had been married for 50 years to my grandfather before he passed away and she married SGF a year later. SGF and my GM were high school sweethearts and she had broken up with him to date and ultimately marry my grandfather.
SGF's first wife had passed away 4 years earlier and he and my GM started dating almost a year after my grandfather died. They remarried when GM was 70 and SGF was 76. SGF died 6mos after my GM when he was 96. He was burried next to his first wife.
As a compromise my mom and aunt put a footstone on my GM's grave with a sentiment recognizing that she was also the wife of SGF and a footstone on SGFs grave when he passed away recognizing that he was also the husband of my GM.
That placated my mom's and my aunt's adult stepsister. Interestingly my mom, aunt and StepAunt were raised together.
Seperated. The divorce
Seperated. The divorce paperwork was actually under way, but had yet to clear at the time of his death.
As a side note, the "Ex"wife was at the funeral, with her BF.
The children are quite young ( 12, 10 and about 7) so I can see that having their mum there would be necessary. They also had his parents( their grandparents).
Wow I think the greedy little
Wow I think the greedy little child thats your friend needs to be grateful the woman gave her half of the life insurance to begin with. Obviously the mother was NOT the love of his life or he wouldn't have changed her off of the policy and their marriage or relationship would still be together. It sounds like the BM is one of those crazies that have a faint grasp of reality and has been PASing it on to her daughter as well. That poor woman. If BM showed up at my DHs funeral claiming he's was the love of her life, they had better roll out another casket because I would end it all there. I am not one to indulge other BMs or step kids in their fantasies so when my friends who are BM start acting crazy, I tell them. Sounds like you should have just told this entitled little child she needs to reevaluate who her dad really was versus what her and her crazy mom have been pretending.
I hope she wasn't dumb enough
I hope she wasn't dumb enough to hand cash to the BM saying "this is for the kids". Better to set up a trust or some sort of education fund, or an account in the kids names they can access when they are 21. 18 year olds still can be manipulated by their mommies.
This is my understanding.
This is my understanding. Was allocated for the children with grandparents as trustees. Sorry. I shouldn't have said gave it to BM. She gave it to his kids really.
My point I guess was she hadn't kept it for herself, as was clearly his intention.