If you had a health scare, would your ex be the first person you called?
My husband's exwife found out that she has stage 0 pre-cancer, no treatment needed, she just has to keep an eye on things. He was the first person she called when she got the test results. I just don't get it. I guess I'll have to take all your advice, tell my husband how I feel and that we should be able to talk about this and then stop worrying about his ex. There's nothing I can do. I just don't think it's healthy or normal or right for my husband's ex wife to be leaning on him for emotional support, no matter what the reason. I think he should tell her that he's not available to her like that anymore. But I don't think he ever will, he says he has to keep the peace for his daughter. I don't see how the two things are related, but oh well.
My bioson or my
My bioson or my biodaughter.
Definitely NOT my ex-husband and DEFINITELY NOT Chef Boyardumb!
Oh and by the way, BM said
Oh and by the way, BM said that she called DH first because they had to figure out how to tell SD that "Mommy has cancer." First of all, SD is only 5 and after losing her grandfather to cancer last year, she's going to be really scared. Plus, BM isn't even going through treatment, no surgery, no chemo, no radiation. There's no reason for SD to know! I'm starting to realize how BM does that all the time, she uses her daughter to get close to my husband. He falls for it every time. I'm so annoyed by it right now.
It's stage 0 breast cancer,
It's stage 0 breast cancer, she might get hormone therapy but mostly likely there will be no treatment and she'll get another mammogram in six months. I don't get it!
Breast cancer, from what she
Breast cancer, from what she said in her other post. I found this on WebMD about it. (Although I generally don't like "Dr Google!" *lol*)
When needed, treatment for stage 0 breast cancer is usually very successful. The five-year survival rate is about 93%. Treatments differ depending on what kind of stage 0 cancer you have.
Ductal carcinoma in situ (DCIS) is one type. In this condition, abnormal cells appear in the ducts of the breast. This type of breast cancer is being seen more often, partly because of increased use of mammogram screenings. Sometimes, these cells become invasive cancer.
Lobular carcinoma in situ (LCIS) is the other type of stage 0 breast cancer. LCIS develops when abnormal cells appear in the lobes of the breast.
With LCIS, there may be no palpable tumor, no consistent changes on mammography, and it often is found when doing a breast biopsy for something else. The risk of developing an invasive cancer in the future is increased in both breasts. Most women don't need treatment right away. It's key to have frequent checkups with your doctor.
I'm sure that's what BM
I'm sure that's what BM wants. She has a boyfriend! I'm confused by her and upset at my husband for playing along. Meanwhile, I'm here with his daughter every day without a break for the next 3 weeks so BM can go on vacation with her boyfriend. I spend way more time with my SD than her mom does. BM sees SD one or two weekends a month, she often blows off her visit. But she manages to stay so connected with my husband. It's not right.
Fuck no.
Fuck no.
Nooo fuckin' way!! I've been
Nooo fuckin' way!!
I've been down this road. She calls him and he feels sorry for her. She HAS a husband but thought she needed to tell him that she was having surgery for a growth on her ovaries and had to have a hysterectomy.
Okaay..soo why is this your problem??
"Oh, she was just telling me about it.."
Then there was the time I found my hubby laying across our bed talking to his ex about HIS health issues. Mind you..my hubby isn't a talker. He says what has to be said and gets off the phone.
HOWEVER..on THIS occasion, he felt she should know all the details of his upcoming heart surgery..blah blah blah. I'd been out running errands and found him upstairs again..yapping on and on to what I figured out was his ex (because he was talking about the kids also). Went to take a shower, came back and he was STILL on the phone yapping on and on about his upcoming heart surgery..blah blah. It was coming up on nearly an hour and I was starting to get really pissed off but I let him yammer for another 30 minutes.
I ran myself a bath and tried to relax while still being able to hear him blah blah blah on with her, so I actually turned on the vent fan to drown him out. Shortly after that he came into the bathroom and said, "Oh..I didn't know where you were.."
I didn't hesitate to read him the riot act as to why he was telling his ex things that were none of her beeswax. His reply was that she was his ex and they were things his kids should know.
SERIOUSLY??!! I mean..SERIOUSLY??
I told him that I was his wife..SHE was his EX WIFE..and some of these thing were NONE of her business..and how DARE he talk to her for well over an hour on the phone about ANYTHING short of one of the kids being seriously ill!!
He'll never do THAT again..believe me!!
I know. I told my husband
I know. I told my husband that I felt very strongly that SD should not be told but he said angrily, "this isn't your decision! This is up to BM!"
It's a trick. A manipulation
It's a trick. A manipulation trick. Our BM pulled the same shit in hundreds of different ways. One day she had a lump that "might" be breast cancer (how convenient--DH's mom died of breast cancer so BM knew he would be overly sympathetic). Another time, BM cut her lip and was "bleeding all over the house" (REALLY??) Then the lies seeped into "SD has stomach cancer" (SD was 5) "SD has a heart abnormality" (A 5 year old??) On and on and on....
Finally, I raised the bullshit flag. Come to find out, BM has Bipolar Disorder and Munchausen/Munchausen by Proxy Syndrome!
You BM is lying. If a mom truly loves her kids, she would never want to stress them out about "mommy dying" BM is selfishly seeking attention for herself. This is about BM, not the kid.
That's what I'm starting to
That's what I'm starting to realize, it's always about her and not her daughter. My husband has primary custody, BM sees SD one or two weekend a month, that's it. She actually wanted to have a "family meeting" with DH and SD tomorrow before she leaves on a three week vacation with her boyfriend! That's the one thing that my husband said no to.
I would call my sister, who
I would call my sister, who is my best friend. Certainly not an ex!
Oh hell.. my so x called him
Oh hell.. my so x called him asking him to pick her up from the ER. No wait he asked me to pick her up.. She had a kidney infection... I had the Carr and was out and about.. I get a call from him asking to pick her up.. UMM I said NO.. Thinking he would do it then when I got back with the car.. So I took my good old time getting back... I finally arrived home thinking he would jump in the car and go get her.. And he didn't.. She managed to get herself home..
In this order. DH. My Mum.
In this order. DH. My Mum. My sister (who's also my best friend).
BM seems to be manipulative and playing the sympathy card for all its worth.
Really clear boundaries needed here. Absolutely there for our kid. No question. Not for you. We are not together. Nope. If needed to care for the child during treatment etc. Absolutely.
In the precancerous investigative stages I'd probably censor what the child was told. She's still really young. Seems to be putting a LOT of pressure and scariness on a little one who has a limited capability to understand.
But sadly thats not your call. Ain't step mothering fun?
We had a similar experience
We had a similar experience very early on in our relationship, still had seperate residences, I'd stayed over. An ex "friend" called him at 730am on a Saturday morning. She needed a lift home. She'd had a huge night out, had no way of getting home other than him. Apparently she'd spent all of her money the night before and had no cash for a taxi.
He agreed and I guess as some way of showing her that I was now a consideration or fixture, he took me along. Turns out she lived like 50kms from our town, in the middle of nowhere.
One of the most uncomfortable car trips I'd ever had. Was more so for her, I'm pretty sure she was hugely disappointed that it was just a lift, whatever she had planned hadn't worked.
He and I had a conversation on the way home. If you need to "be there" like that for your "friends" thats fine, but I won't be around for that. She had a plan.... a woman knows
She didn't have $5 bucks in
She didn't have $5 bucks in her pocket or could borrow from someone she knew for a ride home??"
What a crock!!
I put my foot down a looonnng
I put my foot down a looonnng time ago with this one!!
She'd call him on a dime when she had a fight with her hubby thinking my hubby cared. He'd listen and listen and listen while playing on the computer and laying his phone on the counter.
I told him, "Nope nope and nope", you're married now and her problems are her own. Tell her you're too busy to care..she's you're ex now and needs to take care of her own problems.."
It quit when she heard me in the background..she knew I meant business!!
She is a drama queen
She is a drama queen manipulating this situation. She is exaggerating her "cancer" for attention and sympathy. If she really cared about her daughter she would shut her mouth and not tell the kid so as not to cause the kid stress or undue worry.
As to calling your H, she still wants to pull his strings.
If this was my H I would FORBID him to have anything to do with this woman and her imagined cancer. She can find her emotional support elsewhere. Divorce means get lost!
i sympathize with a person
i sympathize with a person with a health crisis, but ex means just that -- ex.
your a not longer married to that person.
when bm had issues with her elderly parents she contacted her children not her ex husband. as far as dh is concerned he will not contact his ex. after the adultery and divorce he is not inclined to have any special feelings for her.
Would I call my ex?? Hell
Would I call my ex?? Hell no!! Even if we had kids together I wouldn't call him and give him all the details.
The first person I'd call would be my husband. Mind you..regarding my last post..there were things he was telling his ex that even I didn't know yet.
Again..he'll never pull THAT one again..not EVER or he'll be single in a heartbeat!!
if I felt my dh was never
if I felt my dh was never going to draw boundaries with his ex, I would leave. period. a healthy marriage cannot survive 3 ppl in it. his ex needs to be treated as a business associate, absolutely nothing more. I do not share.