Fiance's relationship with his son

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I am creeped out by my fiance's relationship with his 11 year old son. First of all, they both still sleep in the same bed and my fiancé still gives his son a bath every day. If that were all, I might just raise an eyebrow but a few weeks ago, I was out at dinner with both of them and the boy puckered his lips for a kiss, I looked down at my menu and suddenly hear my fiancé say, "that's gross" and look up to see him wiping his mouth with the back of his hand. When I asked what happened, the kid said, "I put my tongue in his mouth". I was horrified!
This weekend we were watching TV at his place. We sat on the couch with the 11 year old between us. The boy sat with one leg on his dad's lap while his dad rubbed his inner thigh. I bolted halfway through the movie and have not been back since. The son also cross dresses so I am not sure if the effeminate and immature behavior is what raises all the red flags in my head. I cannot deal with it. I know that is no such this as normal, but surely there is something wrong here, isn't there?

I would totally be freaked

I would totally be freaked out by that too. Have you expressed this to your fiancé?

So this man is still your

So this man is still your fiance? Hand back the ring and tell him his behaviour with his son is incestuous and creepy.

I would be so eliminating this person from my life.

So tell me again why this man is your fiance when he bathes his son (who is 11), kisses his son on the lips in public (who is 11) and massages his 11 yr old sons inner thigh?

Ummmm you should say

Ummmm you should say something to your fiance. Creeeeppppyyyy!!!!

We have discussed his

We have discussed his conflicted feelings in accepting his son's cross dressing and love for dolls and "pink toys" which started at an early age. The boy does watch a staggering amount of TV and is very materialistic, and I can see him copying the mannerisms of the sexualized teenage girls on whatever tv show/movie he is watching.

However, there are boundaries being crossed here. Even if my fiancé was surprised by that kiss I think he should be wondering why his son thought that was ok. Or if some other adult is crossing those boundaries with him.

Or the kid is trans*. And

Or the kid is trans*. And tring to figure out their place/identity. Maybe Dad needs to educate himself.

You all have really valid

You all have really valid points. I have always thought I was liberal and accepting of LGBT but after my first reaction the kid, I thought I must be some sort of a bigot. Then I realized if I had a daughter, I would not let her act in that way either. I have also got to separate my reaction to the child who needs protection and that of his father I think must stop his enabling/overcompensating or whatever it is he thinks he is doing, immediately.

Either that or my first instinct which was walk away and never look back.

yes, there is something

yes, there is something wrong.... don't!!! go back. This will never change and if you think it makes you sick now, imagine a year or two down the road.

This screams "guilty daddy

This screams "guilty daddy with major lack of boundaries" to me, not child molester. Dad should get counseling to learn how to set and maintain appropriate father/son boundaries.

I have a gay brother and my

I have a gay brother and my DD14 identifies as pan- sexual. This situation isn't an issue of tolerance; your boyfriend is sexualizing his child. It's something that you should contact DCF about, not asking us about in an anonymous forum. Their behavior is shocking and criminal.

I'm sorry, a 14 year old

I'm sorry, a 14 year old Id'ing as PAN-sexual? How does she even know what that means?

I know what it means after a decade of self discovery and research into non-binary sexualities.

ETA: this has nothing to do with my views on gender identity.

She doesn't identify with

She doesn't identify with society's norms on what sexual roles should be. We've raised her Catholic don't blame me! lol Actually she is attracted to both boys and girls, but she's boy crazy like I was at that age , so it might be a stage. Doesn't seem like true bi sexuality to me, more like curiosity. If she's bi sexual or homosexual, it is what is is, but I don't think that's the case.

Oh...okay. See, that is much

Oh...okay. See, that is much easier for me to wrap my brain around.

We might be on to something with the Catholic thing though....I was raised catholic too and did a ...ahem. LOT of exploring after I turned 18.

Yeah, we'll get through the

Yeah, we'll get through the next 4 years somehow! lol She's a really good kid. I actually was a textbook "good Catholic girl" myself- DD21 is more in my mold, although she's no longer virgin. The oldest married his HS sweetheart, but doesn't go to mass- kinda a mixed bag over here! We're a happy family, grateful for that.