You're lucky in the fact that he is your BF and you are not married, which does make things easier. Easier in the fact that it's easy for you to live together or not depending on what your situation is now. Most likely, and I'm sure 99.9% of the people here on this forum will tell you that you are not going to get your BF to change so I wouldn't expect it.

I will say however that you are still very young and it may not be acceptable for you, but you can very easily have your own life and still enjoy your BF without the hassle and drama that comes with step kids. If you are the type that wants to get married and have your own with him, then it is something that you will have to decide whether you want to learn to deal with or if you want to wait until his are older and *hopefully* not as whiny as she is now at only 5years old. I have a good 20 years on you though and I am perfectly content with living alone and only seeing my BF when I want to, and if that means not seeing him on a weekend that he has the kids because I don't want to deal with it, then thats my prerogative. Admittedly, it did take me a few years to get to that point, but I've come to accept it now as I have a stress free, drama free life for the most part. No having to deal with kids, dads that don't discipline, not having to deal with biomoms, etc. If and when we are still together when my BFs kids are grown, then we will have a lot more time together at that point when the kids are not wanting to be there eowe and for weeks at a time during the summer so I'm willing to wait.

It's not for everyone, but only you can make the decision on what you want. Good luck and you can always come here to vent in the meantime!

Here is some good advice. You are 23 years old. I'm assuming you don't have kids of your own.

Do you know how many guys out there are looking high and low for women without any kids? You are a commodity in this day and age, as most women older than 20 already have kids. Why in the hell would you, at the age of 23 commit yourself to years of misery?

I'm 37 years old, and if me and DW split up there is no way in hell I would seriously date a 23 year old female. He's doing it because most women your age are gullible and easily controlled. You have your whole life ahead of you. Get out now, or you'll be wishing you did five years from now when he's gotten you pregnant and you feel "trapped".

To even further compound the issue, you will have to deal with TWO moms since his children are by different women. What the hell are you thinking?????

ANOTHER " i'm soooo in loooorve with SO and he's perrrfect in every way but I can't stand his kids" post. THEY ALL COME TOGETHER. YOU CAN'T SEPARATE THE TWO. And you know what? She's that way because of shitty, lazy parenting, and it'll only get (much) worse. Feel free to date him, but don't marry him.

Poor parenting CAN change being in love with a guy. Believe me, it happened to me when I went on to have 2 biokids with DH having turned a blind eye to his poor parenting of skids. When your husband does the same crappy job on your own kids, you... er... somewhat fall out of love. So, I'd advise, only continue with this guy acting the way he does, if you plan to never have kids with him AND if you have separate finances and homes so that you can bail out if his parenting gets too irritating later. Then it's easier to compartmentalize these things.

When I met my now husband, his daughter was 7 and was constantly trying to get attention. She'd constantly be in his lap and in his face, or doing cartwheels all over the living room in front of him, or talking baby talk to him-and he would baby talk to her back. It was disgusting. Luckily I called him out on this bullshit immediately when we started dating. I figured if he wanted me and wanted to make it work- he'd either cut the shit with his kid, or he'd tell me to hit the road. He ended up making changes, though they were gradual and his daughter is better. But there are still moments. Her mom abandoned her for four years, so she's got major issues that not even play therapy is helping that much. If he won't work with you- then I would say that you are right, you do not want to be a part of it. It's not easy to be part of it even with a husband/boyfriend that will listen and make changes.

I was 22 when I hooked up with my 35 year old man who I ended up marrying. He has two kids, who were 8 & 10 when we got together. They were spoiled in a poor way - never got told no, when they wanted something, its just that the things they wanted weren't expensive as they weren't raised with that sort of stuff. He was having to commute for work and the BM raised them essentially - she raised them into kids that couldn't do much for themselves. When I came on the scene I was horrified to discover they weren't showering each day and the 8 year old didn't know how to turn on the tap. Even when they moved in with us at 13 & 15, the youngest couldn't read an analogue clock. They were well meaning kids. They're now 16 and 19, living full time with us.

They are really nice people. But god they shit me. I had to learn to parent them, and it has only worked because things that I deem to be really important are shared by my husband. We disagree on a few things that don't really matter like taking shoes off when you come inside. We are an absolute team on things like eating healthily with the odd take away meal, and the expectation of reporting in to us, staying on top of homework, trying hard at school and learning skills that will benefit them as adults, such as aiming to be somewhere on time, manners and time management. I have not been able to raise them the way I wanted them raised because of the age they were when I got them. However, hubby has not stood in the way of making them resemble better people. Most times he can't see what all the fuss is about until I extrapolate the consequences. Having one more does have an affect - they learn to have zero self control and when they can open the fridge by themselves they will end up eating all the ice cream by themselves because there's nothing stopping them - that sort of thing. She might be acting like a 5 year old, but she also needs to learn acceptable behaviour for being around adults and what is not acceptable and when. A lot of kids actually respond well to boundaries, but for a parent, sometimes its easier in the short term, not to bother pulling them up on it.

Its your call if you stay or not. I did. But as a result of raising these older kids, my brain is telling me not to have my own kids and my body is telling me otherwise. I've also spent most of my money on these kids, in buying a house that accommodates us all, they're schooling etc (its ok, its his money too, but we're married so his money is my money). There have been consequences for me and they may be different for you.

I think you can make it work because she's young and you might not have the issues I've had, but I am a strong believer that you both need to be on the same team and take on parenting with a consistent game plan. It might mean that you have to convince him of things, or do it yourself. I've done this, and I see it as an investment in my future sanity. Have a think about it.

I am also 23. However what stuck out to me in your post was that you mentioned that you've been together with your boyfriend for 4 years and are feeling this way.
You started dating him when you were 19, the amount you can change as a person between 19 and 23 is massive. If you have identified the fact that you are starting to feel like this isnt the life you want to be living then please listen to that voice.
You have been around your SD for 4 years, naturally shes a part of your life but you do not need to feel any guilt if you honestly think that this relationship is not going to work.
You identify the fact that you have frustrations with your partners parenting, well, if its not changed in 4 years its not going to change.
I dont believe anyone ever sits down and thinks "yeah Im going to start dating someone who already has children" however I do believe that for it to work then you really do need to be proper partners in the sense that you need to know and understand what the other expects when it comes to parenting the child.

Personally I'd say have a me day, go and do something that you enjoy and properly think over what it is that you want from life. Where do you want to be? Are you feeling like you no longer want to be dealing with your SD because shes a difficult 5 year old or is it more that you are feeling that along the way in these last 4 years that you've lost yourself a little?

Different opinion here....

I'm saying this in a brutally honest way, but I have higher iq than my FDH. It's true and he knows it. I am also exactly ten years younger than FDH. It's no secret I control the relationship, and he is happy with that. My FDH is also an extremely loving, protective and hard working salt of the earth kind of man. I don't flaunt it in front of him, I never tell him he is stupid (he isn't really, more like unwillingly ignorant and untaught) or disrespect him. I am very careful about how I interact with him on that level.

In saying all that, I am very lucky to have him. He is so unassuming and kind, he really can't get much past me and wouldn't try either. I met my match in a way, I am a caretaker type of person, and he needs that in a partner. Do not confuse that with being a "fixer", there is nothing about him that needs to be fixed.

What I am saying to you OP, is that if your man is the same way my FDH is, and you are a caretaker like me, this could be a happy situation for you. But you need to sit yourself down and have a long and deep soul search. I also have experience being a foster mother to highly unstable and abused children, SO I know what I am doing when it comes to disgruntled children. It's no sweat off my back if they are bratty to me, I can handle it. I also went through weeks of training every year to take care of the "undesirable" foster children (yes,that phrase still sickens me)

Also, your brain does not stop developing until the age of 25, in the next few years you are going to change a massive amount. So think about that also, do you want to saddle yourself with an older man who has a child when you have not finished growing up yourself?

OMG we should totally chat more often stepped.on!
I am 25, DH is 35 and has TWINS/11 and 1 boy (12)
I had no problems when we first got together and since we have gotten married it has been a total nightmare!!