Another weekend stuck w/skids
So here it is the weekend BM was supposed to get skids, and of course there was an excuse! "I have to work" she says. Well guess what, so does DH, so who gets who takes care of the skids...me of course. BM has not had the skids on her weekends since the first weekend in April. There is always an excuse. since marrying DH, and him getting custody of skids I have been shocked by the lack of care from this BM for her children. I am infuriated by the fact the the court system seems to be extremely lenient towards "dead beat moms"! Even more frustrating is the fact that these kids expect BM to pick them up EOW, and DH and I have to see the hurt and disappointment in them when she doesn't. I think there should be a law, after so many times of not getting your children on your visitation you should lose the privilege and have to be at the mercy of the PRIMARY custodial parent. Don't tell me there are legitimate excuses for not getting them EOW, because those same excuses would be null and void if the PCP tried to.use them. You do what you have to do for YOUR children and if you can't or aren't willing to then you don't deserve any time with them. It's not an "at your convenience" thing. You aren't the one drying the tears EOW!!!
It's been this way for 5yrs.
It's been this way for 5yrs. Bm will be consistent in EOW visitation about 4mos, then it's random visitation. I think I may talk to.DH and have him warn Bm, if she can't stay consistent we'll go back to court. It's ridiculous that a grown woman can't keep it together enough to be there 4 days out of a month. Thank God the other 26 or 27 days these kids have dh and myself to show them consistency and dependability.
Thanks, that is a great idea!
Thanks, that is a great idea! It also helps dh and I plan for backup if she isn't coming.
I do realize it happens both
I do realize it happens both ways, but the system just seems to be more lenient when it's the Bm being unreliable...it's not right no matter which parent is doing it, but as a mother myself I can't imagine not doing what's necessary for my children & therefore I.have no patient for another woman, especially when I'm the one raising her children because she doesn't care enough to do it herself.
The cs is a mute point,
The cs is a mute point, either she pays it or css will handle that. What I'm saying is there should be a way to limit her ability to disappoint these children. If she can't consistently pick them up...fine...leave it at the discretion of the dependable parent. Don't have the pcp and children at the mercy of the ncp who may/May not come get them.
We have had family/individual
We have had family/individual therapy for them in the past. It really helped Sd but Ss is unwilling to accept the help. Skids are only 12 & 11, SS has some learning disabilities so we don't push the "eye opening" with him. Actually, we don't say anything to then about any of it. We just try to distract them in those weekends she didn't show. We make plans and try to keep them entertained and get their minds off the fact they haven't seen their Bm in over a month.
Neither skid "appears" to
Neither skid "appears" to feel this way. Sd acknowledges Bm "never does what she says she's going to"...Ss on the other hand seems to be more like Bm and comes up with excuses for her...which I understand, it's his mother and he doesn't want to see any wrong on her part...which is why we don't discuss it. After the initial disappointment the skids get over it (until next time) because they know dh and I will make sure they have a good weekend. I am afraid though that the inconsistency will affect their patterns in life as they grow up.
Judges can not make NCP
Judges can not make NCP exercise their visitation. There are plenty of BMs here who have kids with MIA dads.
DF's court order allows BM to withhold visitation if he is more than 30 minutes late picking the kids up without calling. She can also deny the next visit if he returns them late without a call. However, if he skips visits, there isn't anything she can do about it.
He has missed visits because they conflict with things we're doing. In January we went on a cruise for my birthday. Last weekend we were in Virginia for my son's college graduation.
Stopping visitation isn't the
Stopping visitation isn't the goal we seek. Consistency in her visitation is the goal.
Agreed 100%, but the job is
Agreed 100%, but the job is just another excuse. She only works 9-12 on Saturdays, she could come get them today if she wanted them...she just doesn't want them.
Stepworm I think I may have
Stepworm I think I may have accidentally hit the "flag as offensive" on your previous comment. I didn't mean to, and I certainly didn't find it offensive. I agree with you 100% you do what's necessary for your children. If she quit her job (if that was really the resin she wasn't picking them up) and couldn't pay cs we would not care, as long as she stopped disappointing the skids.
It must be nice to have that
It must be nice to have that option.
DF has had to miss weekends with his kids due to work. (I do not baby sit).
If he ever walked into this house and told me he quit his job because the schedule conflicted with his time with SDs, he would be homeless.
Walking away from a job means he can't pay child support or meet his financial responsibilities here. Since I refuse to support a man or pay his child support, walking away from a job isn't an option for DF.
That doesn't mean he's putting his job ahead of his kids. It means that he knows he has to work in order to help support his children and our household.
Agree with you completely. I
Agree with you completely. I don't baby sit either, and if he has to/has the opportunity to work, then he does. His cs payment is the same as what we pay for our apartment, so he has to make it up where he can. And like you, I will not support his kids, so if he does not do his part to support our household, then he will be spending MUCH more of his time working to just be able to feed himself. It may sound noble to say that 'kids come first 1000% of the time', but its just not realistic for us, and a lot of people.
Broken.lost your exactly
Broken.lost your exactly right, bm just doesn't care...work is not her only excuse, she uses anything to get out of getting them. When she does pick them up she usually ends up sending them to her mom's or sisters house for that weekend. It's sad that anyone, mom or dad, sees their own children as a burden on them, especially when they only get EOW in the first place.
Document every bit of it.
Document every bit of it. Make her email or text, do not take phone calls. Then you can save proof of her canceling all the time so she can't claim she tried getting kids and you wouldn't let her.