Hate is a pretty strong reaction to a sulky, ill mannered 7 year old.

Dad needs to nip the attitude in the bud, I agree.

To be mad that he has a child and you "can't" give him a first child is selfish in my opinion. You knew about the kid when you started dating, to resent him now for being alive is YOUR own issue that you need to work out.

I'm sorry you're in this mess. I think if you knew the kind of parent your husband is, you probably would never have gotten involved. Are you sure you want to have a kid with him?

I wouldn't want a kid with someone who excuses bad manners or who shows bad manners themselves - why on earth would he be rude to you when you ask him to teach his child how to behave properly???

I also think it's weird that you're taking care of his kid when he's not around - when you had to ring him to find out about the b'day issue.

A lot of step-parents have found themselves stuck between a rock and a hard place. They are asked (expected) to take care of and 'love' a kid who isn't theirs, but they are criticised and sometimes treated very badly when they expect and enforce good behaviour. All the responsibility and none of the authority. It gets old fast, and can really damage how you see your husband.

Look into disengaging. Hopefully someone will post a link to some articles about it soon. Although check askYOURdad's blog to see how she defines it, she's very detailed.

I have to tell you, that if you have not been together long and you have no children together, I would run now. If you have a crappy relationship at first, it will ALWAYS be that way. Yes, sometimes things improve somewhat and believe me, eventually, something WILL happen and it will all start up again. You would be amazed. I wish I would have listened to my HEAD and left many, many, many years ago…

Listen to the lady that says to leave. You made a mistake but now you have a chance to rectify it. As you've been told here its not going to get better only worse. Your husband isn't going to change and by the way having a child isn't going to make things better - only far far worse.

Tell your husband you've made a mistake, take the blame and avoid arguments or recriminations, and start your plans to move. Insure you don't get pregnant preferably by not having sex again.

Find a fellow, there are millions, who does not have children so you can be fulfilled in your wishes and leave this mess behind.

My SD12 still uses baby "daddy" voice and has DH wrapped around her finger! I was married to DH for 18 months and it was the hardest time in my life. Since separating from him (and the skids!) I've rediscovered what life is really about - being happy.

My DH has promised all sorts of change and while it's tempting to go back and give him yet another chance, as someone commented earlier, I don't trust that the change will be permanent. Think about what's best for you.

My amazing bride had a kid when we met. That made her no less amazing. Sure, that fact that she had my kid with the Sperm Idiot twinges me a bit but I am of the mind that if she had not had SS when we met we would have had him as ours. So, I raised him as my own and have gone to significant lengths to raise him to be a young man of character, unlike his Sperm Idiot and the Sperm Clan, and to protect him from the shallow and polluted end of his gene pool.

If you focus on the marriage and making that your first priority the Skid issues should fall in to line. Eventually you will have a child with your DH and SS will fade in importance though he will never go completely away. He will always be your DHs eldest and he will be your child's brother.

You must figure out how to put yourself in to at least a tolerable place regarding the Skid. Otherwise you give him and his mother far too much influence over your life.

I agree with others who have expressed that hate may be a bit strong in reference to a 7yo who is your DHs child. As for the X/BM.... hate away. Most people in the toxic blended family opposition are worthy of contempt and hate. That part you should have fun with. Make barring her ass your favorite hobby. Just maybe that will help your SS realize that his dad is the parent of character.

Good l uck.

Here is the thing, you never had a phase where you "adored" the child. You have nothing to fall back on to get you through the hard parts that are coming. You think the BM is crazy now, wait until you have a baby with this man! You think that he is going to cast his kid aside for the new child you will bring in to the world- no way! That kid will always be #1. Do you really want that for your life?

It would be different if he was more supportive of rules and discipline. It would be different if BM wasn't a problem. It would be different if both of these weren't stacked against you. You never liked this boy, you never will. He is tainted in you eyes. THAT IS OK!!!! Don't feel bad that you never had a connection, but I would suggest you look at your life and ask if this is what you really want.

If you feel this way about a seven year old, when they are actually nice kids at that age, the teen years will be hell. If you have no kids and aren't married, you may want to cut your losses and find someone without kids. That kid is a package deal. You knew he had him. I agree with him. We all have dysfunctional step kids, but they didn't start out that way. There was a time when we liked the kid.

I have major problems with BM and SD18 and have my exit strategy in place all the time, but I have a good marriage and actually like my SS, it doesn't sound like you have a lot to keep you in this relationship. This will get much, much worse.