No you are not overreacting and yes it is possible to remove the other kids from this boy. If your DH won't do it then take the kids elsewhere when he comes over.

I have a 100 stories of how I, or my brother, used to tease our youngest brother (who was a sensitive kid and a bit of a whiner. We called him "Daddy's Girl"). We weren't physical with him or threatening but we were assholes towards the youngest.

Looking back today I wish my parents had kicked mine and my brother's ass for tormenting the youngest brother. I apologized to my youngest brother, later in life, but I couldn't undo my actions.

You aren't over reacting IMHO. Your DH needs to address the SS.

Okay, I'm going to come from a different angle.

I have one younger sister. I hated being an older sibling. HATED it. When my mom got pregnant again I actually cried (although it ended in a stillbirth) and was pretty much never going to talk to my parents again, not because I had jealousy issues or wanted their attention all to myself, but that my one younger sibling was the most annoying piece of crap (and I say this in the nicest possible way) on the face of this planet and I was so traumatized from having her as a younger sister that I would have rather killed myself than have another one. I actually made my parents promise me (I was already a teenager) that if I asked for time alone, that I would get it.

This was my life: my sister wanted to be with me constantly, whereas I was a loner. I would ask her nicely to leave me alone, over, and over, and over again. I would ask my parents to step in, and tell her that when I asked nicely for her to leave me alone, and she doesn't, for them to tell her to.

You know what they did? NOTHING. And you know what my sister would do? She would amp up the annoying. I didn't want to play ball with her and needed to nap because I had stayed up all night studying? Okay, barge into my room and ask me over and over again. Make her leave and lock my door? Okay, take the ball and bang it against my door over and over and over again.

That was just one example. Or when I would have friends over and she would try and hang out with us, but all she does is make fun of me or throw things at me in an attempt to look cool in front of my peers. She was never taught to be considerate of anyone else's desires because "it's cute she wants to play with you all the time.) She is only a year younger than me, and the ball incident was when I was 14. This was where my parents failed as parents, because even now, my sister doesn't understand what it means to leave someone alone when they ask for it. Not so cute now that I left the house and my parents get to deal with that.

Even now, our relationship is one of great distance. I may have grown up with her, done everything with her as a kid through force of my parental units, but I barely talk to her once every three months. I have, essentially, become sibling shy.

It grates on my nerves when I see an older child get pestered by a younger one, and the older child is asking in the nicest way possible for the younger child to leave them alone. The parents take no notice until it escalates, and then the older child is punished for being "mean." Hello, how about the moment the older child asks to be left alone, to tell the younger child to respect those wishes and leave them alone?

This is a long rant, but my point is, teach your SS to tell your BS to leave him alone, nicely. If after 3 times, BS still does not respect that request, to pull BS to the side and tell him to stop. This teaches your SS a less violent and angry way to be heard, and teaches your BS to be considerate of someone else's feelings and personal space. I guarantee you, your BS is not innocent in escalating the situation.

As parents, we fall into the trap of thinking that it teaches our kids to share if we force another person upon them. It might. Or it might cause the relationship to be damaged irrevocably because one child doesn't feel protected and respected.

Not one of my 3 are whiners, I've had girlfriends with whiners and I never understood why they didn't nip it in the bud. Tell your son if he whines rather than talking in a normal voice, he will not be acknowledged. Get the rest of the family to cooperate, and viola! In a few days the whining ought to go away. And as for SS being a bully, your first responsibility as a mom is to protect your kids, so do it. Don't allow your son to be exposed to anyone who means him harm. period dot.

heres a trick my mom used to use when my brothers wouldn't get along, My oldest brother had some emotional issues like your SS, but he did have a medical condition that mom would call his moody episodes but mostly he was just a dick when adults weren't around. My other brother was whinny until he hit puberty then he just thought he was so tough, anyways when they didn't get along and after many many "stop that that's not nice" talks, my mom would hit her breaking point. She would make them sit out on the front steps and hold hands for however long she felt seemed right. The boys hated it. All there neighbor friends could see them. it stopped pretty quick....or at least they didn't get caught by mom.