I don't think I could stay in a situation like this, honestly. This woman will plague you and be a burr in your butt as long as you stay with your fiancé. It will NEVER end.

Fortunately, I don't have to see my skids' BM very often, and when we do have to be in the same place at the same time, we're civil to each other, so not too much drama there, most of the time.

But in your situation? Ugh. I couldn't do it. Once you marry this man, you'll be stuck with it.

I'd move on if I were you. Love isn't enough to fix everything, as I learned once, a long time ago. I deeply loved a man who had WAY too much baggage, and in the end I couldn't put up with it anymore, and we split up. I still love him, in a way, but I know we could never be together.

Move on and find a man without all this crap in his life, and without such a horrid BM to deal with.

That's my advice, for what it's worth. I know it'd be hard to leave, but it'll be even harder to have to put up with this junk the rest of your life.

And you'll ALWAYS have that cheating in the back of your mind, too. It could always happen again.

If you love him & really want to forgive him, I'd consider two things. One, I'd seek counseling both alone & with your fiance to work past these feelings.

Second, I'd disengage from BM. Stop doing pick up/drop offs for the kids. Make your fiance do that work. Stop communicating with her, that's your fiances job. That's his burden, his cross to carry. Stop seeing her purposely. You may bump into her, but stop seeing her when you don't HAVE to. Work on banning her from your mind. Yoga helped me.

It is hard, but it's worth it.

Also, if you aren't past the cheating yet - you should consider postponing the wedding until you are. Sometimes it takes time & that's ok.

On your profile it says you are only 26, you are young and have plenty of life to live. If he cheated with the BM after 3 months of dating you, I doubt you will ever get over that. Once a cheater always a cheater. Second, take it from me, BM only get worse and not better, especially the self absorbed ones who are constantly in your sh*t. Run while you can. Enjoy your life and if I can give you one piece of advice that I wish someone had told me DO NOT DATE MEN WITH CHILDREN AND BM's!!!!!

Good luck

The others are right... it will never end. You will always mistrust him and will always wonder. And, no, things don't get better with time in these situations. Sounds exactly like I what I went through and I finally left. I loved him too, but I hated that woman and her kid even more. I couldn't live a life with them in it everyday anymore. We've only been separated a short time now, but even though to some extent, I miss him and still love him... I feel relieved to not have to deal with BM and SD anymore. I'm even losing weight now... it's fantastic! I have come to the conclusion that no man is worth that kind of drama and grief.

He's begging you not to leave? How much do you do for him and his girls? Could it be that he wants you around to do the heavy lifting regarding take care of his girls, and not so much that he wants you for you?

If you didn't do anything for the girls, would he still want you around? Would he fight for your relationship, the way he did his baby mama's?

You don't have to answer any of these questions, these are just things for you to consider.

I do think you should postpone the wedding for the indefinite future, until you see how things go. Give him more time to prove himself.

I personally couldn't move on with the cheating. You are not being fair to yourself, and you are so miserable! I believe in you and you will do what is best for yourself. Go make yourself happy!!!!!!

I'm no quitter in my relationship and I've been to hell and back with the ex, his son and his damn family - but the minute, no the second I get a hint of disloyalty on such a grand scale that you've had, I'd kick his arse out of the door so fast that he wouldn't know what had hit him.
It would be horrendously awful with just A.N. Other woman - but with the evil BM? Nope. No way would I have stood for that.

I commend you for making a go of it. My ex did the same with me and his gf stood by his side and it's worked really well for them and I actually get on really well with both of them. She's a great step-mum to my kids, but I just couldn't do it. Best of luck for the future and your decision, but if it starts making you ill, I would suggest putting yourself first rather than let his indiscretion eat away at you.

He wants to be with BM. The only reason he's with you, is because BM doesn't want his sorry ass. You have to love yourself more than you love him. That love (and self respect)should make you say hell no to being his consola prize.

You are engaged to a person you have no solid foundation with. Step-life is hard enough when you and your DH/DF are rock-solid. You are young and probably won't believe me or take my advice but AT LEAST don't rush anything.

You don't REALLY know someone until you've known them for about 2 years. And he cheated on you (with BM! The absolute WORST person ever to do it with!) after only three months? What has he done to earn back your trust?

You say you aren't worried about him cheating again, but I truly believe once a cheater, always a cheater. Just because he isn't cheating on you right this very second (& you don't really know that for sure) doesn't mean it will never happen again. I am not trying to be mean or hurt your feelings, but I have been with a cheater (my ex) and when I found out what he did, I took him back a few times always thinking it wouldn't happen again but it always did happen again. I finally decided I didn't want to live like that anymore & gained enough confidence to know I deserved better & I left him.

As far as BM, if you do stay with your DH, you have to just disengage from her. No more picking up/dropping off kids, none of that- leave that to the parents. Once I disengaged from BM, my life was so much less stressful. She can only cause you drama if you allow it. Once she sees it's not working, she should slow it down. BM now knows her attempts to break up DH and I are not going to work. She still has her moments, but it has slowed down a LOT over the years. Just be strong and don't let her get to you, and make the kid's parents do the parenting.

When is it time to walk away?
The moment in which you find out that your partner is seeking to reconnect with his ex.

When you start a relationship with a person that has children you are acknowledging that they will always have to have some form of contact with that other parent. That is why it is so important to have boundaries, as step parents we already have to manage our own jealousy over the fact that at one point our partners slept with their exes and/or loved them enough to marry or procreate with them. We already have to tolerate that this other person is going to be a part of our future lives, even if its in a small way.
So if your partner can sit there admit to you that he is still caught up on his ex in such a way that he was sneaking around behind your back in attempt to get back with her?! Thats the point that he is telling you that he is still in a relationship with that person, it may not be a physical one (or so you hope) however he is still emotionally in a relationship with her and he is only with you so he isnt lonely.

Why you stuck around I have no idea, this woman not only gets to be an inconvenience to you because shes the BM but now she gets to play all kinds of games with you because for a while YOUR partner wanted her more than he wanted you. There you were in your relationship and he wanted her, not you. That alone would be enough to make me spit fire.

All this hatred towards the BM I dont see as being the BMs fault to be honest, I see this as your way of reassuring yourself that hes not going to go back there. And who knows maybe he wouldnt, maybe hes learnt his lesson and doesnt want to go back there. But you say he is begging you not to leave.
Why is he begging you? Why is he begging you to continue to put up with a situation rather than being a man and working to change the situation to benefit you as a couple?

You said when you started dating he stopped being her puppet? Yet he was essentially having an affair, or rather, attempting to have an affair, in order for her to stop being a bitch with the custody? No sorry, that just reads like a lame excuse for him to try to defend himself and for you to try to make it sound better than it was.
He betrayed you hun, and he did it with the one person on this planet that should be 1100000% off limits. The insecurities that has put into your relationship are what are echoing now. That little voice asking is it worth it? Thats your conscience and your instincts telling you that it would be a mistake to marry this man.

Im 23, my SD is 3, my partners relationship with his ex ended when SD was only a few months old. They were separated for 2 years before I even met him, sure BM wasnt too happy when we got together. My poor partner went from being the FT CP to being an EOWE dad because she suddenly decided she didnt want another woman being more involved with her child than she was, so pulled the "im the mother" card and given the financial support she was getting from family and minimal work hours so got what she requested (just before I moved in I might add). My partner hasnt pussy footed around his ex in hope of her being nicer to him, hes changed his profession to something with more suitable hours as the judge told him he couldnt have 50/50 with his job at that time and now is awaiting the appeal.

You've lost faith in him. He's untruthful and may be untruthful in other areas as well. He certainly will lie when it suits him. You'll spend the rest of your relationship distrusting him and that is no basis for a marriage.

Tell him this was a mistake, return the ring, and leave. Make it sudden and complete. The day you're leaving pack up your stuff while everyone is away and when he gets home give him the ring, apologize, take the blame so there is no argument and get in your car and go. Block phone and email as well as social sites such as Facebook.

Find one of the millions of guys out there who do not have children.

He says she's still rejecting him - maybe so maybe not but remember what has been said "Ex sex is best". Just sayin.......

I think the people above me listed enough reasons not to stay.

If you do stay, I would seriously consider not getting married right away. Wait a year or two, extend the engagement. You'll know more in a year about his character and hopefully, this will give you time to build up your self-esteem and work with a therapist on assessing your current relationship.

I have to say I agree with pretty much everything that's been said. I do want to add that this, right here, is the problem:

"I have been made to feel not good enough my entire life"

Get counseling. Seriously. Just for you. Sounds like your past experiences are making you settle for something that's not really good for you because it's all you know. You need counseling to get past that and recognize that you are good enough - and nobody can "make" you feel anything that you know in your heart isn't true. So get counseling and KNOW that you are valuable, worthwhile, that you ROCK. And only THEN should you be in a relationship with ANYONE.