Step parenting is NOT for someone who wants to enjoy their spouse and have a normal relationship. Always having to be the bigger person, always having to bite your tongue (God forbid skids or BM should ever become upset!) :O

Bunch of B.S.

I have been living with the guilt of not loving or really liking my step kids for years now. I am glad I can see that other people feel the same way. I have no children of my own and my husband and I are very close until the kids come around. they are all adults but the youngest is special needs and is very needy. he lives with his mom and stepdad a few hours away but I have the constant fear of impending doom that one day she will send him to live with us. I can't handle him and he is honestly kind of scary. he is not mentally stable and I hide the knives when he comes over. it is the only thing that we ever argue about. over the years i have learned to despise my youngest stepson not him personally but what he represents to my life and my marriage. all of the kids are inconsiderate. i love my husband very much and i know that this hurts him so i try but i am not a fake kind of person. i just want to get rid of the baggage!

I have stumbled upon this site and found much relief from reading about other step moms that are going through the same trials and tribulations that I am experiencing.
I have 3 SD's and they are 19, 17, and 13 with a SS that is 15. The SD's are a constant pain in my life, like never could have been expected and certainly like something I would have never wanted.
I love my DH and there is nothing I would have said or done that I wouldn't have gone through to be with him and I would still say, but thank Gd I didn't know how hard it woulda been had I truly known what these step daughter's would have put us through.

I warn all my single friends not to get involved with someone who has kids. My skids are nice and we get along but I hate being an SM more often than not. They're like bad housemates you can't get rid of - nice, but just can't get their shit together.

I was warned but not for the right reasons and not by the right people. And now I've delayed having my own kids because the skids are enough work, and I don't know if I'll ever have kids as a result. I would be an awesome mother to my own kid, but I just don't know if I want one now. Isn't that sad?

In order to get out of the house more rather than sit around feeling cramped and suffocating in my own house surrounded by their imprint on everything in the house, I have taken on one activity after another and now I have no time for anything else and am exhausted. To top it off, DH hasn't been paid in almost 3 months because he won't leave his shit insecure job and keeps waiting for his promised contract to come through, so I'm supporting EVERYONE through Christmas, school fees/books/uniforms for the new year, bills and living costs.

I don't think I regret it, but its not fantastic. Its hard. Even when its good, its hard.

The good thing is, you only have 4 years left! I have fucking 10 years. FML. Lol

I too am learning that this Step Parent thing is not for the faint of heart. I am somewhat fortunate since I own a duplex, which is a house that has 2 self contained apartments, connected through a door ( Which I can, and will, brick up if I have to ) and " they " ( DH and SKIDS ) " live " mostly on the " other " side when they are with us so I do have peace, quiet and privacy. Plus SKIDS are normally only coming every 2nd weekend . SS10 is a pretty nice kid, we are getting along ok, don't love him, but certainly don't dislike him, SD7 is hard to love, spitting image of her bitter and angry mother, so I mostly stay away and do my own thing when they are around.

I think a few things we steps need to have in our survival gear :

Adopt the " who cares " attitude. " Didn't cause it, cant cure it, cant change it " Repeat 5 times.
Do your own thing. Take care of yourself. Have a hobby, friends, meditate, go and take up running, or diving.
Don't be a step MOM / DAD - Be a step back mom/ Dad. Step back. Not your kid. Not your problem.
Separate finances. a MUST. Will help to alleviate resentment, Trust me. Do not spend my money on your brats. Pre-nup.
Don't get involved so much. most of the issues with these kids are truly not your business. you make them your business. stop doing it.

They DO grow up and will go away one day. I am pretty sure of it

Same here. I find myself daydreaming about what things would be like if I were with someone else with no kids. I found the perfect man but I feel like it's almost a curse because for so much good, there is just as much bad -all because of his baggage

I would never recommend anybody to date someone who has children . I've dated 3 divorced dads and it's the same song and dance everytime.
I thought that I had a mature BM with my second Dad. She was very polite and respectful for the first 2 years. Until Dad decided that he wanted to do something special for *just me*. You know, since he had joint custody and the kids were over *every* weekend, never allowing us any free time. She caught wind of why he asked to not have them that weekend and went straight to the friend of the court, ended up milking him for child support (their divorce decree stated no child support as they had joint custody).
And that whole just wait until they turn 18? Lol, yeah right. If you date Disney dads like me, they will be spoiling the kid even after they move out (IF they move out).
It's a whole lot of drama, a whole lot of nonsense and not worth it. You are on earth to live your life to the fullest, not pick up the pieces of someone else's failed marriage/relationship, and then be blamed because you want a morsel of normalcy in your life.

I learned far too late that no matter what I do - it will be wrong in the eyes of everyone - including my partner. It doesn't matter what the now adult skids do, how devious, manipulative, lying, law breaking, greedy, selfish they are. It doesn't matter how cruel they are to their father - my partner - he just lives for it. The more he is abused by his X and kids the more he dotes on them. Skids are perfect because they are forever the "Child Victim" for some reason society decides that because they are under 18 or the product of a failed marriage they have no ability to be accountable for their actions and the entire world is out to destroy them so everyone including step parents must pay the price. Then you produce narcissistic sociopaths. The stronger you are and the fairer and kinder, the more sacrifices and concessions you make, the more you will be abused. Believe me and decades of experience - no one will remember what you did for them. I learned too late I should have been the bully, the one who pushed to have everything my way. Too late now.