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Oh, the guilt!

ncgal1980's picture

We had just finished eating dinner last night when DH announced that SS8 needed a haircut. He asked me if I'd like to take him. I was in the middle of putting up leftovers, washing dishes, and just doing a general cleanup of the kitchen.

"Nah," I said. "You go ahead."

He seemed disappointed. "I just thought it'd be fun for you to take him, so you two could spend a little time together."

So here I am, up to my elbows in dirty dishwater, looking at the pile of pots and pans on the counter that still need to be washed. "I have a lot to do," I said.

"But I thought it'd be fun..."

I stopped, looked at him and said, "Is it fun for YOU?"

"Is what fun?"

"Taking SS8 to get a haircut."

"Well...I don't know."

"So why would it be fun for me?"

DH just stood there. I went back to scrubbing a pan.

"I just wish you'd spend some time with my boys. I thought you'd enjoy having a chance to take him to get his hair cut, that's all."

I don't know. Maybe it's his use of the words "fun" and "enjoy" that irk me. What the hell is fun about taking a whiny brat to get his hair cut? A brat who'd ask me at least five times on the way there and back to take him to Gamestop to buy something because "nobody's bought me anything in WEEKS" (wah wah wah). A brat who'll piss and moan the entire time he's in the chair that the person cutting his hair is "hurting him" some how, or they tried to scratch him, or whatever stupid thing he can think of to drum up drama over. God. NO THANKS! Maybe I'm awful, but there's just no fun or enjoyment to be had here.

I just left it with this: "You only get to see these kids every other week. I really don't want to take away from your one-on-one time with any of them. So go! Have some fun, DH! You deserve it!"

Sorry, I refuse to feel guilty over this.

ncgal1980's picture

DH even pulled this out of his ass during our conversation last night:

"You know, if you took SS8 to get his hair cut, he'd LOVE it! He'd talk about it for weeks! It'd make his day!"

Like hell it would. That kid couldn't give less of a shit about me if he tried. He'd piss and moan that I didn't take him to buy a new video game. That's about all anybody would hear about me taking him on a "fun" trip to get a haircut.

It's EXTREMELY rare for his kids to ask to do anything with me. Usually when they do, it's because they're hoping to get something out of it, not because they actually want to interact with me. ("Can I PLEEEEEASE go to the store with you, ncgal? Just you and me? Pleeeease?! You can buy me something!")

I'm not too blind to see that. DH apparently is, though.

ncgal1980's picture

I had to take both of my boys to get their hair cut last weekend, and I don't enjoy doing that with my own kids, either. I don't recall it ever being "fun." I end up yelling at them, at least once, before we get back home over something or other. Fun is not the word I'd use to describe it. Drudgery? Yeah, that's closer to an apt description. It's something I have to do occasionally because there's nobody else around to take care of it. (Their father's not involved in their lives at all at this point.)

I don't see DH jumping up and begging to take MY kids to get their hair cut. I'm not so sure why he thinks I should be champing at the bit to do it for his.

stressedstep's picture

"I don't see DH jumping up and begging to take MY kids to get their hair cut. I'm not so sure why he thinks I should be champing at the bit to do it for his."

You know thats actually a really good point!! What do the OH actually do with our BD's, THEIR skids!?????????? OooOooOOoOOOOooo you have really got me thinking on that one now! Smile

ncgal1980's picture

I've pointed it out to DH a few times. He complains that I don't interact with his kids enough. I mentioned that my kids are with us ALL THE TIME, and he can go for DAYS without even so much as speaking to them! So how come I'm expected to be Mary Poppins but he gets a pass when it comes to his OWN stepkids?!

ncgal1980's picture

I kinda got the feeling that he just didn't want to take SS8 to get a haircut. BM was supposed to do it, but she "never has time" to do anything...Though she has no job, no obligations, and nowhere to be, ever. She never seems to have time to do anything for those kids, because she knows that even though DH bitches about it, eventually he'll handle it and she won't have to.

Either way, that's not my problem. I don't care to waste an hour of my life on a kid who'll do nothing more than bitch and moan because I won't take him shopping afterwards. Let DH deal with it. I heard SS8 start in on the bitch campaign before they even got out the front door. "But Daddy, you PROMISED you'd buy me such-and-such for the Xbox today! YES you did!" DH: "No SS8, I never said anything of the sort." SS8: "But Daddddeeee, it's just NOT FAIR that you won't buy it for me!"

I just shouted down a "Y'all HAVE FUN now!" as I trotted off upstairs to watch "Weeds" by myself. It was awesome!

I'm genuinely surprised that SS8 didn't come strutting in the house later on that evening with whatever it was he was bitching about. That happens more often than not, and then DH wonders why they constantly piss and moan for him to buy them something. Huh, I can't figure it out. :O