Light candles?, say the prayer before the meal?

I will give it some more thought today for you.

When my SS was 8, we got married, we made him the ring bearer. My cousin has a daughter who is the same age so we had her be the flower girl so there wasn't an age gap. Luckily, I only had one skid to figure out. 4 is tough! I think the older two SS could be ushers? That would be an easy role for the older one to step out of if he needed to because of distance. I'm having a hard time figure out the role for you SD since I've never had to think about that one....unless you put the middle two in the wedding and they walk down together?

DH and I have 5 kids between the two of us. Couple of months before the wedding we asked them all to tell us if there was something they absolutely wanted to do, or absolutely did not want to do at the wedding. Two volunteered to read. So when we got married we had two kids read: YSD16 a sonnet by Shakespeare, and DS14 Dr Seuss "The Places You'll Go". Both did a pretty good job. SS20 was DH's best man, and one kid - my younger son12 - walked before me down the "aisle". It was not a religious ceremony, not in a church, and it went really well. OSD22 was out of the country.

The symbolism was all fine and good, but things still broke down pretty quickly afterwards.

Readings, lighting candles, junior bridesmaids/groomsmen. Be prepared that they may not want have an active part in the wedding, I suggest you and FDH sit down with them together to discuss, it will help I force that you are an united couple. My SD, when asked told us that some days she wanted to be part of it and other days felt it would be a type of disloyalty to her mother. In the end she attended but wasn't in the wedding party. Congrats on your upcoming wedding

Junior bridesmaid and junior groomsmen...the two oldest walk together and the two youngest walk together...all go before the wedding party and take seats in the front row, rather than standing with the wedding party for the ceremony.

My sister has four girls and when she got married, this is how her girls walked, and they took seats in the front row. Her stepson walked with my BD6 (they were 7 & 3 at the time) as ring bearer and flower girl, respectively., and both also took a seat in the front row. Everyone was included, and the balance wasn't thrown off by having a bunch of kids standing with the rest of the wedding party.

Please do not force them to take on roles. If they are receptive, see what roles interest them, and make that work. I hope none of them want the role of wedding wrecker! That's what happened with my marriage, their father knew stuff would go down, so we had a small private ceremony. In the end it was better for all. The day was not marred and the kids were not forced. A wedding is really about the two people getting married. So, tread lightly, and if they are excited great, but otherwise acknowledge that the plans may be best without reluctant members. Much happiness to you!

good suggestions above. ushering is an easy role- My sks were flower girl and junior groomsman in our wedding. I think it is a good idea to ask the older ones especially first. Congratulations on your upcoming wedding!

We are doing a blended sand ceremony and including my future skids 4 and 6. They will be the ring bearer and flower girl.

SD was 12 when we got married, I made her a junior bridesmaid/ flower girl. I also assigned her tasks sh she would stay out of everyone's hair. Kinda backfired, tasks were incomplete, but for the most part it was ok.

I would ask if they want to participate.

I dont see skids (especially older ones) in a traditional bridal party role, especially if you already have bridesmaids/groomsmen. I tend to think of those roles reserved for people of the same age.

DH and I got married in October. My BS8 was our ring bearer. I have a niece that is the same age and she was our flower girl. Because of his age, it worked out that there was a "role" for him. Had he been older, I am not sure.

BS lives with DH and I, so it made sense to include BS in the wedding. He loves DH and was happy that we got married.

The skids did not have a role in our wedding. They are older (21, 20, 18, 14) They are not supportive of our marriage. That would have been 4 basically ADULTS to dress for a wedding, to basically stand by us at the alter. I wasn't going to create a role for them, just to say that we included them. A lot of it has to do with the way our relationship is. IF we had a good relationship I am sure we would have inlcuded them.

I would not have wanted to spend my wedding day prior to the ceremony hanging out with my girl skids because they were in the wedding. I dont like them. They dont like me.

DH had no issues with not including his kids in the wedding. He knows how they feel about me. Sure in hell wasn't going to force it on my wedding day.

i think the first question should be to them - "do you want to be involved in our wedding?"

they might say yes, might say no, and given that there are 4 of them you could get a mix of yes and no.

the biggest thing is dont force it.

i know my SD13 does not want to be involved when we get married. and honestly, i wouldnt want her anyway becuase she always pulls stuff in the 11th hour. id hate to have a piece of our ceremony planned for her only to have her be a no show.

We have 3 boys and 1 girl, so the oldest boy was DH's best man. The two littler boys each carried the rings and my daughter was flower girl. One thing we did that was really nice was a sand ceremony with us and all the kids. http://media35.onsugar.com/files/2011/08/31/5/1812/18120073/47cf5cccf9a4...

FDH and I are in the same situation, only SD3 and (THANK GOD I have just one step)

But I have been brain storming on what SD3, DD2, DD1 and DS1mo (of course they'll be a bout a year older when we tie the knot.) Rather than lighting candles FDH and I will be combineding colored sand. I have a small jar for FDH and I and a larger jar for all of our children and us. I am going to pick 6 different colors to represent the 6 people in our home, and afterFDH aand I finish pouring sand in our jar the four little ones will come up and we will all empty our sand into the big jar, to represent the family we have chosen to create and the unity of SD3 into my family and DD2 into FDH's.