CS exH issue
Going to try to make a long story short here...
ExH and I don't have a CO but our custody schedule and our CS is built into our divorce settlement. Well he is supposed to pay extras I see that has been a hot topic on this site for a couple of days. Well he agreed to this but is not paying them. I've kindly reminded him to which he responds "take me to court." Well he has told me in the past if I take him to court for CS that he is taking me to court for 50/50 custody. It's basically extortion. I am scared to death to lose my kids 50% of the time, however, I don't think he'd get it. We're not in the same school district, he can't transport them to and from school because of his work schedule, etc.
He tells me he doesn't have the money meanwhile in the past 2 months he bought a house, a new car, and an engagement ring for his now fiance. If he can buy all that you'd think he could stash away the extra hundred bucks he owes me.
If I take him to court I will probably get around $300 extra for CS however I don't have a desire to screw him with CS and I want my kids to have a decent life when they are with him too. If he's so strapped for cash all the time then he won't be able to provide for him when he has custody.
Him getting 50/50 is a VERY long shot as his fiance is a criminal (literally) and has been in jail several times plus he gives up a lot of custody time. When we first split he saw them still almost every day but now he only has 4 days a month by his choosing and still gives up days here and there.
I guess my question/concern I am upset that I am not getting what is agreed upon. It's not a lot and definitely not worth me potentially having a custody battle over a few hundred dollars when it's said and done. Has anyone has an experience with this before? Being taken to court for 50/50 custody. Any advice/opinions?
Thank you! And, haha, no
Thank you! And, haha, no drug/alcohol issues here. He on the other hand is an alcoholic or at least was and fiance is as well judging by her many many DUI's. I don't mind that he never has my kids I would rather have them 100% of the time but they do need their Dad and when he has them he is a good Dad. I would assume a judge would look at this as retribution? Not to mention I have the text where he explains to me that if I file for CS he will file for 50/50.
Lol. She probably already
Lol. She probably already has! I think she's the reason he gives up so much time. I think she wants it to be him, her and her kids. He used to put the kids first that changed oh....about 3 weeks into their relationship.
Surely something is better
Surely something is better then nothing.
He's generally not vindictive
He's generally not vindictive all bark but no bite however his fiance is very vindictive and will take me down any chance she gets. I wasn't very kind to either of them in the beginning of their relationship due to the criminal charges and my children being around her but that was last year and since I have been nothing but nice and accommodating to both of them. He definitely uses them as pawns in this sense and it drives me nuts!
And that is my dilemma is it really worth it? The tally right now is around $325 that he owes me, well next year will be another $325, so on and so forth...and after many many years of that it really adds up.
Don't ever believe "this
Don't ever believe "this won't happen in court". Once it goes before a judge you NEVER know what the ruling would be.
IMO I'd rather have my kids, minus the money and not around aholes like that. If I really needed extra money I'd babysit at night etc. and even forego all child support if it mean't I could be rid of these jerks. I see so many people on here that go to court over peanuts and with the fighting back and fourth it's never a win, especially for the kids. I would move on with my children, not talk to these two if possible; and I will bet he ends up having more kids with this lovely woman...and possibly he will bother you very little as time goes on.
I've considered this as well.
I've considered this as well. He wanted more kids when we were together. I am sure they will have more. Then the priority will be the new kids, her kids, then my kids. The thing is though, I am okay with that. I am a good parent (most of the time none of us are perfect). And my kids have an amazing FSF. He is one of the rare ones that "loves them like his own." I only wish I had that same feeling for one of his children! Lol. . While FDH will NEVER replace their Dad and I would never allow that to happen he's a stable, loving, male role model in our home.
If you have a divorce
If you have a divorce settlement that says he is to pay one half then you do have a court order.
We're talking a few hundred dollars at this point. As each of these extra activities happen make sure you send him copies of the bills and I would send them certified mail return receipt requested. Do that for the one he owes now.
Don't make any further demands. When he asks why certified mail just say "I wanted to make sure you got them" and refuse to elaborate any further. If that doesn't scare him into paying don't do anything further.
Keep doing the same thing each year until the kids are out of high school then sue him in small claims court. Take your divorce settlement and copies of the receipts and certified mail receipts. You should be able to pick up a few thousand that way.
Oh! I like that plan. it
Oh! I like that plan. it won't affect the kids at all that way. I send him copies of all bills via email right now but he could say that he didn't get them. I was hoping you would weigh in your advice is always spot on!
I guess too when i think of a CO I think of it more as a child support order we agreed on an amount based on what we both make and didn't go thru the courts for it.
Anything a judge signs is an
Anything a judge signs is an order. If two people decide on something different then the court doesn't care, no judge signs, and there is no order. But it's a rare judge who would not abide by such a agreement unless one of the parties was clearly out of line and taking advantage of the other's naiveté. A small claims judge would consider a out of court agreement, signed by both, as a contract and that's what civil courts do - enforce contracts.
Luckily though even though we
Luckily though even though we agreed out of court it's written into our settlement agreement which the judge did sign off on through the divorce, so I am definitely covered.
BM tried to take DH for more
BM tried to take DH for more child support and ended up losing custody of them all together. Funny how things work out sometimes. She was into too much bad stuff though and the kids weren't one of her priorities. Just the money was.
Thanks everyone for the
Thanks everyone for the advice. I document, document, document!!! I have everything documents even the condition they come home in. Dirty clothes, unbathed, etc. That may be trivial but I have a binder of what goes on. I have every single text saved from the day we separated, every email, and everything is uploaded to my cloud. I guess it might be a little sad but my lawyer said that someday it might come in handy. I even have screen shots of their social media pages that prove their irresponsibility.
And I agree that it's not worth the money. If he stopped paying child support completely then I might have an issue but I really like Orange County's idea. I can just keep a log and then sue him later on once the kids are out of the house and then take that money and put it towards their college educations as it is their money and not mine.
I hate to be the 'evil' BM that we all hate to them but I literally never contact either of them. In the beginning I tried to build a relationship with his fiance but it just was too awkward yet I have still never met her we spoke on the phone and I gave up. I have no interest in meeting her whatsoever. ExH contacts me quite a bit when he's not around her but I never ever initiate communication unless I need his opinion about something with the kids or the kids want to talk to him.
My good friend took her ex
My good friend took her ex back to court for her two kids, but it was like years later which didn't make sense to me. He literally didn't pay support for many years, but since she waited too long she didn't get much, and then had to pay the lawyer. So be careful because there's always a time limit.
Also, I think it's great you have a great SF in the home for your kids. Actually sometimes they do replace the bad dad, or absent dad. Many stories where the kids have changed their names to their Sf who raised them...so just saying...