I wonder if I'll ever be able to stop comparing bio to skids?
My son is very smart, compassionate and generous. He demonstrates values that I admire. He demonstrates my values. He's not perfect, he's too goofy sometimes, too loud - he gets into trouble occasionally because of it. He can be pessimistic, which drives me nuts. But the core values, they are there.
My skids have the potential to be smart, but are extremely lazy, and therefore fail or give up. They are not compassionate - they are victims seeking compassion. SD is generous, I'll give her that. But my SS15 is very, very cheap. In the scary, you're-going-to-grow-up-to-be-a-burden-on-someone sort of way. Like his BM.
My skids aren't even like my husband, their dad. He too, is very smart, compassionate and generous. Which I'm sure is why I fell in love with him. It's so bizarre to see how little they take after him, and his good traits. How did they miss out on so many of the good things?
I guess I shouldn't be too surprised. My son has more of me than his dad in him. I'm just disappointed that all the BM's kids (even the older one who isn't my husband's) took on SOOO many of her qualities. Everybody "yells" at them. Everybody is "mean " to them. No one is "fair" to them.....
Sigh....
You're right, of course
You're right, of course
they are what they are.
I'll be adding this to my list of items to disengage from...
Though on the surface
Though on the surface comparing BKs to Skids is just as bad as comparing BKs to each other I suppose that it is a hard thing not to do.
My bride and I certainly compare our son (my SS-21) to his three younger also out of wedlock Sperm Idiot spawned half sibs by two more baby mamas.
My bride and I met when SS was 15mos old and married a week before he turned 2yo. He has had the benefit of being raised by two graduate degreed professionals in a committed relationship. His three younger Sperm Idiot spawned half sibs have been raised primarily by the Sperm Grandparents who are only continuing the their abject failure in parenting by duplicating the results they got from their efforts to raise their son the Sperm Idiot . Those kids also have the unfortunate curse of more regular and prolonged exposure to their Sperm Idiot. My son only saw his Sperm Idiot a few days per year.
Entitlement certainly can be a characteristic of the shallow and polluted end of a Skid's gene pool. It certainly is a characteristic of the shallow and polluted end of my SS's gene pool. Fortunately nurture can overcome nature when the kids spends enough time in a quality home for the character, honor and integrity of the REAL parents to take hold and displace the toxic elements of the gene pool.
At least that is how it has worked for my Skid. At 21 he is a self supporting viable adult and has accomplished far more than his Sperm Idiot and even all of the preceding generations of the Sperm Clan combined. Based on the behavioral, criminal and academic issues that his three younger half sibs are struggling with he will also likely far outperform them also.
Good luck.
I have a bad habit of
I have a bad habit of comparing SS16 to every other kid his age I meet. SS is the shining star and speshul snowflake of his daddies eye.... I see a socially inept, rude, sullen, lazy, self centered and self obsessed, entitled brat. It's amazing to me how two people can see totally different realities. And it is hard not to compare, even if you know you should not.
That's nicely written. It's
That's nicely written. It's so nice that you recognized what I was saying, too. The biggest downer of being a step, is watching all this potential wasted by kids who are messed up by bios who sabotage them. Then they become young adults and choose their path.
I never brag about my son to others BECAUSE of the discrepancy. I wouldn't hurt my husband or the kids that way. It would be like gloating, and that's not my style.