And we are back to this crap, now!
SD14 didn't come home after school today! I haven't called DH yet to ask if he has heard from her. I'm guessing it was another one of those last minute changes in the color guard practice schedule, or she had some project to work on, or one of the many other excuses she was using before winter break when she was regularly not coming home after school. Supposedly, DH wasn't going to allow any of this last minute crap any more...after her "fun" during winter break, when there were also pictures that emerged that indicated she may be drinking or smoking at one of the friend's houses, DH told SD14 that from here on out, she had to clear everything in advance, and if afterschool was required by any teacher, he needed notification from the teacher!
I just called DH and asked him if he had heard from SD14 or had any clue where she was. He said, "No, why?" I told him that it is now 20 minutes past when she normally gets home on the bus. DH calls me back a few minutes later, and tells me that SD14 said the bus was too crowded, so she got a ride home with her friend in the neighborhood. So, she is in the neighborhood...probably has been for at least a good 45 minutes now because she would have surely gotten here faster riding home with her friend than on the bus (our house is one of the last on the route). DH told her she better get home ASAP.
I call BS on this story!!! I told DH this, too. This is a super small town, and it isn't like 20 kids moved in overnight on the bus route! The school is very good about making sure that they have the proper number of kids on the buses...has been for the last, oh, 8 years we have been in this school district! And to not let anyone know that she wasn't on the bus?
I hope DH tears her a new one when he gets home!!! I could tell by the tone in his voice he was not happy, especially since SD14's attitude has been TOTAL crap the last few days!!! He needs to wake up and do something! Time to take away the phone! Time to make her drop out of color guard! Time to start losing some kind of privileges, because obviously his talks aren't getting through to her! She still things she is running crap around here!
Seems ASAP to SD14 is nearly
Seems ASAP to SD14 is nearly an hour after she was told to get her butt home! And straight to sitting her butt in front of the TV as if nothing is wrong!
Oh...don't get me wrong...I
Oh...don't get me wrong...I do blame him! I'm at the point I'm not mad anymore...my son knows what the rules are, and he knows who he answers to! Her behavior doesn't affect him! Of course, he is also 19, so he better have a grasp on who runs what...lol! If I had a younger child in the house, it would surely piss me off, as I would have to explain why rules don't seem to apply to SD14.
DH called again, and I told him that SD14 showed up nearly an hour after she was told to get home. He said she said that they have to sit 3. To a seat on the bus, and they weren't at her friend's house but still up at the school waiting on her mom, etc. Again, I call BS!!! I remind him that after her trouble Christmas break, that she was told this last minute staying at school or whatever was forbidden...she was to come straight home, period! He said he didn't know how to get it through to her that she needed to obey him! I told him, "It is time to start losing privileges!" He claims that this has been tried...I tell him not really, that within a few days, she always gets her privs back! DH said he just didn't know!
Seriously, man! Grow a set! Quit being afraid of her hating you...teenagers will hate you for something, especially the spoiled ones! Take her phone away, take her out of guard, start enforcing the fracking rules! If she ends up wanting to move back to her mom's, oh well! Tell her no, or let her go and make it clear she will not be allowed to move back when her stepdad starts yelling at her for the same crap, because BM is to depressed in her bedroom to be a parent!
She's got both of her parents
She's got both of her parents played! BM is bi-polar, and is always on one medication or other. BM has ALWAYS been more concerned about being SD14's best friend than being a mom. When SD14 got out of control, and BM wouldn't do anything about it, stepdad basically ordered the girl out of their house! In their case, they do have a child who is 10 years younger than SD14, and he is concerned about how SD14's behavior will affect his young child...and for good reason! So, send her here, because my children are already adults. Make her our problem.
From day one of her moving in this time, I knew this wouldn't be good! SD14 was caught skipping school to smoke pot! She was dumb enough to post pictures of herself toking away on a fat joint to Instagram...a kid in their school saw it, and turned her in. When she got here (which I was not happy about, because we sent her back to BM's just 5 months prior when she was sent to us the first time she was caught smoking pot, but BM had a change of heart when she stopped getting child support), I asked DH what the punishment would be. He said there would not be a punishment because she didn't do the stuff while living here! REALLY?? Well, sure enough, while at BM's over winter break, she gets caught smoking pot again, sneaking out, lies to DH about a "party" which turns out to actually be a sleepover at a boy's house that BM totally knows all about, and sneaks tequila from stepdad's bottle in the kitchen while everyone is asleep! Pictures also surface that show her either drunk or stoned that she admits were taking while she would go over to friends' houses after school instead of coming home, and never admits nor denies that she was under the influence of anything in the pictures...but rather stumbles for an explanation! To try to deflect, she starts crying and tells DH this story about how she helped get one of her friends out of a situation of her stepdad abusing her by helping the friend contact the authorities...which gets DH telling her that was a good thing, yadda, yadda...who knows, it may or may not be true, supposedly happened years ago, and she is just now pulling this out as one of the things she carries on her shoulders and that is why she does stupid stuff!
If she were mine...like you said...color guard would be a thing of the past! Phone would be on permanent lockdown, no internet, etc.
I've been as angry as you are
I've been as angry as you are right now, and I don't really have anything insightful to share - all I could do was completely disengage. Then I got lucky, and my SD 17 ran back to her birth mom's house and I haven't seen her since.
SD's can really suck.
I wasn't allowed to just hop
I wasn't allowed to just hop in anyone's car, friend or not. Even if I got special permission, we couldn't deviate from the plan and go cruisin or something. My mother would have flipped her shit.
Morning practice is schduled
Morning practice is schduled for the whole squad, but supposedly, SD14 and the captain (who is a girl a grade above her) show up regularly. The coach? Well, let's just say I highly doubt he is interested in females. He is rather obvious with his mannerisms and the way he talks...but no, it isn't practice scheduled alone with him. Usually SD14 and the other girl practice alone together, the way SD14 tells it.
I love how she is complaining about sitting 3 to a seat on the bus. They may be sitting 3 to a seat, but so what! I did the same thing in my first two years of high school. Even worst, I had to carry my sax with me every day, and it could not be in the isle! So, I had to slide it into the floor of the seat, and the three of us had to sit with our knees to our chest...and I also lived in the country...so the ride was not short!
Take her phone away for 4
Take her phone away for 4 months. No return of the phone. Pay the bill while she doesn't have it. Maybe lock it in a safe or take it to work to keep there.
Mobile phones are horrible. They give kids 100 excuses as to why they are not where they say they should be.
NOTHING!!! He comes home and
NOTHING!!! He comes home and doesn't even say a word about it! Really??? When she ends up pregnant, not my problem!
And again she hasn't had dinner! DH hasn't even asked her what she ate today! She didn't have breakfast...certain she hardly ate lunch, and no dinner. She just went to sleep on the couch when she came home, and when DH came home and woke her up, she disappeared to her room.
Think it's time to take my
Think it's time to take my hip hop class and not care that SD14 will throw a fit, because she is the ONLY dancer in this house (sorry, some of us actually enjoy dance for the art, not to draw attention to ourselves). I haven't said anything today to DH about SD14 not having breakfast or dinner...I'm done bringing it up, and him not enforcing his own rules! SD14 is getting ready to fall, and fall hard! It will probably cause a fight between DH and me and some point, and he will be forced to listen to how I feel! Like I said, she ends up pregnant, not my problem! She falls out at school, not my problem! She doesn't graduate, not my problem! One thing I can say for sure, she won't be sitting on her lazy butt here, and I will make that clear!
Why even ask if he heard from
Why even ask if he heard from her? Send him a text that say "x:xx SD not home." And leave it to him to deal with. THIS is a situation where I would tell you to disengage.
Oh...I'm not even going to
Oh...I'm not even going to text him any more about it! If he comes home from work at 7 p.m., and she is still not here, oh well! When he asks why I didn't let him know she wasn't home, I'll simply say, "Well, it doesn't seem to matter that she is still pulling this crap, because whenever she does it, you don't do anything about it...a little talk, and then you let it go, if even that!" I'm tired of bringing things to his attention and them getting ignored!
She has not policed her own dishes for the last couple of days. Our kitchen sink stopped draining, and I specifically told her to take her dishes to her bathroom sink and wash them until the kitchen sink is fixed, because I'm tired of trying to wash everyone's dishes in my bathtub...it's killing my back and my knees! Day before yesterday, she ate her cereal, and put her bowl in the dishwasher, though I told her not to (the dishwasher drains into the sink pipe, so it can't be used until this is fixed). I took it out and told her to wash it in her bathroom sink as she was already told to do with her dishes. She finally did it around 9 p.m. when DH told her for the 5th time! Yesterday, she had chocolate milk...left cup and spoon on counter. This morning she had cereal, left bowl and spoon on the counter. I'm going to leave it piling up, as we can't call out a plumber until Friday when we get paid. I'm half tempted to just start putting the dishes in the middle of her bed, but I've seen her room...the dishes would permanently disappear then! No, I'm moving them into their own little pile in the middle of the counter, so that maybe DH will see them and make her wash them! They don't notice them there, I'll start putting them in the middle of the kitchen table!
I'm so tired of her highness! I am not here to serve her!!! And I'm seriously getting ready to put a code on the TV! I'm getting tired of her coming home from school and falling asleep on the couch watching TV...only to get up in a huff when DH comes home and she knows she will not longer have control of the couch and the TV. Sorry...this is not her house...yes, may be her home, but not her house!!! She didn't pay for anything here, so she has no right to have a huff when she doesn't get control of things!