BM might be thinking about court
Hello all, new here.
My fiance and I are getting married in August of this year and he has a son who is 12.
Background: Fiance and BM were divorced about 11 years ago and they were never a family. Pointless to bring the kid into the world when your relationship is failing but it was an "accident" whatever. So....he used to work a low pay job like 20k a year and put his xwife thru college (wife at the time). After seperation, she made 45k a year and he still made 20k and never asked for support with his son.
Fast forward now to 4 years ago, he has a much higher paying job where he makes 100k a year now.
They are 50/50 custody but BM has him during the week and every other weekend because my fiance works 12 hour grave shifts 2 hours away from where BM lives and my fSS.
So for 9 years or so my fiance could have hit her up for CS and didn't.
Since the past year, BM has become a total witch. She does not communicate with my fiance, tried to say that she's just trying to respect my fiances relationship with me. They no longer even speak to eachother, the 12 year old is used as the middle man to communicate everything and so you can see where this is going.
Since she now believes that since she has him the most time she feels entitled to do whatever she wants, not communicate anything and just demands things from my fiance. Last week she approached my fiance after SS12 sports game and told him that she was getting him braces and she needed his financial information to give to the orthodontist for monthly payments of 150$, since her insurance was covering half. Okay....so clearly this should have been discussed. My fiance has better insurance than her and ss12 should have been switched over to his. Second, you just don't DEMAND your xhusbands debit account like that. My fiance told her to take a hike with that one. He is pissed that she isn't thinking what 50/50 means, she doesn't get to count her insurance as her half of the bill. She didn't even include my fiance in this decision. How rude!
There are many more stories, but bottom line is things are getting worse, and now she's asking for money for things she never used to and I can't help but feel that it's because he is now engaged and she's upset that she doesn't own a house and her boyfriend of 7 years cheated on her with a married woman and got her preggo. Shoot I would be mad too but now its just all game playing.
My fiance feels that her parents would foot the bill if she wanted to go back to court and get CS every month. We are worried because of how she has been acting lately, the lack of any communication, and the asking for money for things and then recently INFORMING my fiance that she needed his debit acct # .....wtf is that shit about?? Who the hell does that?
Does she have anything to stand on when he never asked for support from her????
Since his career change happened ~4 years ago, if she does take it to court, will it look strange that she is just NOW perusing this as he is getting remarried???
Should we start talking to a lawyer???
I am scared, I did some calculating for California and she could get like 2500$ a month for him if the court was in her favor??????? I don't know if they would do that but holy shit I don't even need that a month.
I want to be prepared, I don't want this BM bitch to ruin our life.
The past year has been really tough and my fiance is just as bad as communicating as she is. He will be mad as hell, cool off then forget about it. And I am the little bird in his ear saying, dear....you need to talk to her.
Honestly we are scared, do we fight now?? Do we stand up to her, knowing that it could set her off and all her man hating friends will egg her on to take him to court??
Where do we draw the line??? If we give her what she wants, then she just thinks its okay to walk over him some more.
Can anyone recommend a lawyer for this in the bay area of california???
Help/advice/or virtual slapping welcomed!
I seriously cant get over the fact that she thought she could just have his debit acct number lolololol
Thank you, it's just I am
Thank you, it's just I am replaying the talk in my head when I first started dating my fiance and he told me "his xwife is no drama and they do everything for their son"
I can't help thinking even though there relationship was 12 years ago, she is mad about the differences now and that I am 15 years younger than her. I would probably be mad too but damn there are so many more things to worry about in life......course I should take my own advice but I let the rage of BM and SS12 get the best of me always.
Boy oh boy has that changed in the past year.
I don't think she would want full custody, she enjoys her adult time and recently started dating a new man. Plus my fiance is a good father. I think she would like some of his income though so she can buy her son some more 300$ head phones for xmas and another xbox1 because ps4 isn't enough. Then maybe go on a fancy trip to Europe with her new yoga boyfriend!
Sheesh can you just hear the venom in my typing!
ss12 has a sleep over tonight and I am on my way up, strategically missing his basketball game and avoiding BM and all grandparents.
BTW my own mother is already calling me a step-monster. Please mom, like she would like it if dad had a kid from another woman.
I'll talk to fiance tonight, we need to put his pay stubs away in a safe place so ss12 can't see them (I found that out here that it happens) and we need to research a lawyer in the area and be prepared.
I guess I will kiss my honeymoon to new zealand goodbyeeeeeeeee
Unless someone has walked
Unless someone has walked through the trenches of being a stepparent, they will have no clue on how it can be.
Your mother was out of line with her comment. Maybe avoid talking to her about your situation for now.
Wait what???? She can go back
Wait what???? She can go back all that time, even when he was living paycheck to paycheck and they were 50/50 and no CS ?????
Ohhh dear.
Yea I am the first woman he's been serious with, I am 27 and she is 43 or 44? Fiance is 37.
Is it true that when we are married, my monthly income is also added into our gross income so she could get even more money??? I read that somewhere. I hope that is not true.
I told the fiance just wait till she wants to get him a car and then college tuition comes up.
I hope you can all help me through this lol
Your income is not included
Your income is not included in calculating CS. Only the bio parents incomes are considered.
You should be concerned that
You should be concerned that while the custody order says 50/50, your FDH has not been using his full custody. The mother could go back to court and have the order changed to reflect the reality that she has custody more than 50% of the time and file for increased child support.
What is in the custody order about medical expenses and decision making? Everything isn't necessarily a joint decision in a joint custody ruling.
The courts do not back track
The courts do not back track on child support it starts the day she files. Also the more you make the lower your finances child support will be because it sets you both into a higher tax bracket. If you are to go back to court tell your fiance to change his medical and dental plan to the highest cost then change it back after the child support is calculated. They do deduct those expenses from the child support. What ever you do keep at least 50/50 and start a journal of the days you have your stepson to show the judge. Google child support calculator and put in all your info its pretty accurate on what the child support will be.
We been down this road BM was not getting CS but was completely playing games with SD so DH had to file and you bet BM filed for child support it was $1800 . But then we got equal time now its more like $300 and she cant play anymore games, she walks a straight line.
California Child Support Self
California Child Support Self Service - Number of Dependents
https://www.cse.ca.gov/ChildSupport/cse/guidelineCalculator
I don't know what state you are in? But this is for California its accurate
California Child Support Self
California Child Support Self Service - Number of Dependents
https://www.cse.ca.gov/ChildSupport/cse/guidelineCalculator
I don't know what state you are in? But this is for California its accurate
The SS used to be on FDH
The SS used to be on FDH medical account until he went into the academy. Then he was put onto his BM and never switched back, which should have happened since FDH has better insurance now.
Before the career change, FDH had his son 50% of the time, but now the past 4 years he cannot with 12 hour shifts and he's 2 hours away from where BM lives, but he has a condo 30min from BM, but we are now selling it to live where he works, 2 hours from BM and SS12.
Right now FDH paid for daycare since the he was a baby and needed it, he just stopped paying for it in June and now SS12 can walk home. So he picked up the bill for a camp at the end of the year. Also, FDH pays for all sports leagues. Equipment and fees which adds up considering he plays sports all year. But its nothing compared to a monthly 2k$ CS fee. The daycare was 300$ a month though.
Honestly it's kinda like they both have dropped the ball on things and now FDH has it pretty good but BM is trouble.
FDH has given her $$ whenever BM has asked for help with something for his school, but then she will use it against him. like this past year he asked, does SS need items for school? She says no, its taken care of. But then its 40 degrees outside and she sends him to school in shorts. Then bitches that FDH is stealing clothing, so then FDH has to pick up SS on Friday in just the clothing he is in, then send him back to school Monday in the same clothing (washed) because she claims he keeps his clothing. So the SS has his own clothing and shoes in both homes. It's getting tot he point now that he will need 2 sets of sports gear because it is always left at his BM house and then FDH has to go over there and get it and then they are late to practices.
If I start a journal, do I calculate what we are spending and doing? The gas and wear/tear on FDH car is a lot since BM just sits and home and FDH does all the running. What kind of things and I looking to record down?
Thank you so much
As far as CS there is nothing
As far as CS there is nothing you can do with a journal because it starts the day she files and the numbers are the numbers healthcare, dental, tuition, and daycare will make CS go down. The journal is to show you have SS 50% write down the days you have him and what you did. Our CS went to because we got 50% and DH gets to write off every year bcuz in rhe case of 50/50 equal time share the parent with the highest gross income gets to write the child off. She could say she has SS 100% at court what proof would you have. Pull out the journal and I bet the judge will believe you when u have every thing documented all the times you have SS.
Oh and before court my DH
Oh and before court my DH stopped working all overtime and signed our family up for the highest medical plan $800 a month it was taken right out of the CS figures. After court we changed to an affordable lower medical plan and the child support has been the same for 5 years now.
Regarding the braces, FDH
Regarding the braces, FDH should take his insurance info to them and they can apply benefits from both. Then, the parents split the remainder. Regarding the rest, he has made a common mistake...not going after what he is entitled to and then expecting her to behave the same way. Not gonna happen. Women are vindictive. You can bet that you are why she is doing this.
No I did not say that bm pays
No I did not say that bm pays for all clothing. Ss12 has clothing in both homes and does not take a suitcase. FDh pays for extracurricular and daycare if needed. FDh makes sure ss has plenty of clothing and a very nice bedroom. FDh also has a college fund started for him.
So basically we don't have a leg to stand on even tho he never came after her for cs when he was recycling cans to make ends meet?
California is correct.
So basically we don't have a
So basically we don't have a leg to stand on even tho he never came after her for cs when he was recycling cans to make ends meet?
HE should have asked for child support back then. But now if BM files she will get a good chunk of support bcz of his income. The courts dont care about anything that was done prior to the file date.But on the good part of this he is 12 so there is not much more time before ss is grown
Depends on what area of the
Depends on what area of the state you live in. In the county I live in, the courts take into consideration % of time child spends with each parent, amount of money each parent makes, who claims child on taxes, and amount of insurance is paid for child. They usually decide that each parent pay for half of daycare, school expenses, and medical/dental expenses. Courts don't care if you didn't go for CS before. She would most likely get the majority of the amount she is "entitled" to since your S/O makes way more than she does.
On the other hand, we were shocked when we found out my S/O, who we thought was going to be order to pay close to 600 bucks a month, only has to pay the BM 170 a month.