Please Don't Judge, But I Hate My Stepkids
I got married in June 2013 to an American man with 2 kids from a previous marriage. He is very charming and amazing. But his kids are pure hell. They feed off of each other and are embarrassing to call my step kids. At first things were really great, but after we got married, things turned sour quick. Some how my tolerance went down hill quick. They take things of mine and hide them in places, ie, my wedding rings, my key to the house, etc. The boys are 3 and 5, and are really rambunctious. You can not have a moment's peace when they are here. I dread when they come over here. They ruin my house, don't take me seriously and their father just does not care as long as he can sleep in, expecting me to tend to them.
I have openly told my husband I hate his children. I don't want to, but it has come to that. The oldest child has Aspberger's Syndrome and obsesses over stuff, like having the tablet, hello, you're 5 years old, you don't need to play with a tablet. The younger boy copies his brother and wants everything he gets. They are extremely spoiled rotten, and not in the good way. They think they can get away with everything because almost any adult in their life they listen to, which does not include me, lets them get away with murder. They are rude, loud, and repeat every thing millions of times. I can't handle these kids at all. I had no experience with kids prior to this, so I have no clue what to do.
I know every kid is different, but I was a content little girl playing with my dolls on the weekends and these kids demand tv, clean me out of food, make messes of my things, and if they don't get their way, they break down and have the biggest melt downs you have ever seen. Even something as simple as not allowing them to have Gummies before dinner.
I have contemplated leaving my husband just because his kids are too much to handle. These children even caused me to have a miscarriage a month ago from them tiring me out and stressing me to my maximum while I was watching them while their dad was at work. I hate them. I don't want to, I just do. I wish they never lived.
How long did you know him
How long did you know him before you married? His kids?
And... Many women miscarry for many reasons. Not even a doctor could tell you the kids caused it. To blame them is unfair. And since it is something you are unlikely to let go of? You'd be smart to end things sooner rather than later.
No judgement here. I do have
No judgement here. I do have some suggestions though.
Please read up on kids with Aspergers. Your ss sounds like a classic case. I have Aspergers and love to spend time on the computer and my cell phone. That's always been the case. I have certain things and topics I obsess over.
What has helped me is getting the right professional help. Hopefully your ss is getting help. If he's not, he should be. His pediatrician can give your dh some phone numbers and names of counselors who work with kids with Aspergers and kids on the autistic spectrum.
I'm very sorry for your loss. Maybe you would also consider seeking counseling. It's a great way to vent and learn better ways of dealing with unpleasant situations, and horrible tragedies. I don't know if you exercise but that's a great way to burn off stress and negativity too.
I used to have a horrible
I used to have a horrible time making eye contact. It's gotten better over the years because I look in the general direction of the person talking to me. That's a trick I learned in therapy.
Why was I so bad with eye contact? I don't know and never really thought about it, to be honest. It was just hard for me.
I wasn't diagnosed with
I wasn't diagnosed with Aspergers until I was an adult, but I've been in counseling/therapy for issues ever since I was a kid. I was having trouble with eye contact in high school and my therapist taught me the trick of looking in the general direction of the person speaking, or at an object near them.
What is charming and amazing
What is charming and amazing about a man who lays around in bed and lets his new bride deal with the children he's not bothered to parent himself?
No, he does not get to sleep in. His children are there his buns need to be up parenting. These kids aren't at Dad's to see you, it's him they are there to visit. This is also the time where your DH is suppose to be teaching his children and trying to correct misbehavior. It's not your 'job' as his wife to be his built in babysitter while he stays in bed or when he goes to work.
You're being pretty harsh on these kids blaming them for your miscarriage (BTW, I'm sorry for your loss). Miscarriages are very emotional and it's eve more reason why this 'charming and amazing' man should be up off his butt and parenting his children. I can imagine it's a very stressful situation right now dealing with your loss and chasing/caring for little ones that belong to someone else and that someone else is behaving the way your Dh does and allowing his children to run wild and disrespect towards you. (Hint for your rings, keep them on a high hook they can't reach if you must take them off. Same with your keys. Same to go for any room you don't want them in while visiting, have DH install little simple two piece hooks at top of doors so they can't unlock and get in)
The first step in trying to turn things around in your home is sitting DH down and telling him that the way things are now has got to change. He has to accept his parenting role, that you don't intend to be the parent for him. He's failing you as a husband. He's failing his children as a father. If he can't step up and be what he needs to be to both you and his children then you'll have to decide if this is the deal breaker.
I doubt very much if your
I doubt very much if your miscarriage was caused by stress from these kids. Many many women have miscarriages and have little or no stress in their lives. That's not to say you're not stressed because you obviously are but the problem is not so much the kids. It's your husband and he's not going to change.
It's likely he asked you to marry because he needs a live-in babysitter and housemaid. He may not even be aware of this on a conscious level. This is especially true if he has custody and has them (almost) full time. But whatever the deal is you're in it for life if you stay here because his idea of parenting is to let the mother do it.
You've already considered getting out of this mess and I think you should keep going in that direction. Find a guy with no children and start your own family if the two of you want children.