DH still doesn't get it!

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My family got together recently and were discussing the various holidays this year and who would be hosting what. Easter is one I'm hosting this year. So DH makes it clear he would like me to invite his eldest daughter, SSIL and SGS.

I'm not at all willing to do this

Considering that I'm disengaged from DH's daughter for good reason, the last thing I want to do is invite her in to my home. With my family to boot, after all the BS she's said about them too!

I said to DH that I would love to have little SGS over for Easter, it would be a blast, and that I would enjoy seeing SSIL too but especially after how rude DH's daughter was to me earlier this month when we were at SGS's party (not to mention how rude she was when we called SGS on his birthday even more recently) that no, why would I turn around and invite her into my home? Why would WE turn around and invite her into our home? Where I could cook, clean, and entertain for her???

DH was not happy

He got more unhappy when I told him I'm done with enabling her behaviour. And shame on him for not supporting his wife, but again turning around and enabling her to treat me poorly.

By having her over and hosting this for her child, we've both just sent her a message it's okay for her to treat me like crap.

Absolutely not

I love this and telling my SO

I love this and telling my SO this!!!!!!

Yup, so true Nodoormat

I know what you mean.

I know what you mean. it's like they think we might forget being treated bad, duh. I go through this too, but not anymore since my SD's latest fiasco was too big for even DH to ignore. He would let it slide though if he'd could, as he has no spine either.

No real advice just support. Stay strong and disengaged.

Wow - what a jerk!!

It's amazing how they will be

It's amazing how they will be completely oblivious to their child's behavior and expect us to be too. No sane person would have someone who hates them in their home! I mean, come on. This is a no brainer. She talks shit about you and your family and you're supposed to invite her into your home and make nice?!! Hell no! Why can't men understand this?

Exactly whatamess Inviting

Exactly whatamess

Inviting her into my home would be inviting her to continue to treat me like shit, as apparently there would be no consequences for it

Dh is disengaged somewhat but I wish he would stand up to her and call her on her shit, not just where I'm concerned, but how she treats him too

The issue is this constant worry that if he says too much, pushes her too far (and it wouldn't take much) she will walk out of his life and there goes his grandson too

It's sad to live like that as a parent. Feeling you have to stand back and take your adult child's horrific behaviour, all because they'll pull the "I'm walking out of your life" card

It has certainly stopped me from saying as much as I'd like to when she has been disgusting to me as well. I call her out but of course it is never enough....who needs to feel that you were the cause of your husband's adult daughter and his grandson walking out of his life because you put her in her place when she was nasty to you

Too bad it wasn't the other way around...her worrying I might walk out of DH's life because of HER ha ha. Wouldn't she just LOVE that?

I believe this is why my DH

I believe this is why my DH puts up with his daughter's crap. She already cut him out of GS life partially the first 6 or so months of his life. She was "upset" about the divorce....10+ years ago!! Are you effin kidding me?? She's 33 btw. Anyway, I'm done with her and until or unless she apologizes to me for how she's treated me, she'll never step foot in this house again. DH has conveniently tucked those months of disrespect away in some weird corner where he tucks away all uncomfortable feelings and continues on with her. He loves that little boy to pieces and I don't think there's much he wouldn't do to continue a relationship with him...including putting up with her.

Same thing with us here! SD13

Same thing with us here! SD13 has been banned from our home for her blatant disrespect of her father, and her nasty attitude towards our relationship.

Our counsellor told us the best thing we could do for now, was leave her with BM to handle. Mediator told DH (after several sessions), that SD was acting like a jilted lover.

Our options were:

1) Allow her to come over but ground/punish her for her attitude.
2) Ban her from our home.

If we followed option 1 - we would've allowed her to disrupt our entire household and 'cause nothing but stress and angst. We have two other kids to worry about, and neither had an attitude or a problem with our relationship. Counsellor advised us to focus on the two positive kids and leave SD and her attitude with BM, who actively encourages it.

If DH had insisted on keeping SD at our home, I would've seriously considered moving out with my Son - there is no way would I allow my Son to see how utterly hostile and nasty she was getting. SS, who is one year younger than SD, is the opposite. He gets along with us all, loves being at our place, and totally respects his Dad.