OMGosh! Thank you for all your wonderful comments. And yes, I wasn't joking about the drinking. I didn't even realize I was doing it to escape until a couple of weeks into it. For me, 2 beers at dinner, then a shot of rum before bed so I could sleep. I've never drank like that before. Never. I don't even like doing shots. I was waking up in the middle of the night, then immediately thinking about THEM, and I would be stuck staring at the ceiling for 2 hours until being able to drift back to sleep.

There are family pictures that keep arriving here at the house. Frames with FAMILY, and OUR MEMORIES. More and more pictures with these frames keep arriving. They keep getting bigger, too.
So I started stacking them up and putting them into a cabinet. Its like they are trying to overwhelm me and my daughters here.

I wonder if I gave my husband an 22 x 35 poster of him and I and had it framed if they would hang it up in their homes?

And yes, you are all correct, bitch if I engage, bitch if I don't. I've done the cycle these past 5 years, and nothing worked.
I did notice that when I engaged with LeMiserable (youngest SD), she got even more pleasure because it hurt my oldest daughter even more. Sick isn't it? She was nuzzling up to me, even though she hates me, to hurt my daughter. This girl is sick and there's no hope for her.

Also, I haven't told my husband that I will not ever be going to any of his daughters' homes to visit. I'm not even going to his daughter's wedding this year. That would be like walking into a room with a pack of wolves.

Here's something to blow your mind. The step-son, who is TWENTY-SEVEN and STILL LIVING HERE, and the youngest step-daughter, feed off each other's feelings. They are afraid of ghosts and the paranormal. (I think they've watched too many shows like this, lol).

So when these pictures arrived, I put only a couple up of theirs but bought new frames (I'm sorry, bright sparkle purple didn't fit the bookshelves.) So I put the frame up of her and her fiancé and it sat there for 3 weeks. Then all of a sudden, it kept falling down. There wasn't a damn thing wrong with it - sturdy, etc. Of all the pictures I had just placed. It was bizarre! Every time the damn thing fell, my husband would get a call from her, bitching as usual, that the pipes burst in her apartment, her job/supervisor failed to tell her that when she opted to go part-time, her health insurance premium went up $400 a month, and finally, books she ordered for school were stolen from her front door entrance after being delivered.

I am a good person, but I exhaled and thought, 'serves your butt right and feel the pain, girl, feel the pain.'

About 2 years ago, my 16 yr old had a friend in her group (group to be unnamed). He was assigned a social worker and she used to be in this group as a teenager. She thought it would be good for him. His parents were drug addicts and his father had 147 counts of child abuse, you name it. So each summer, they had to park cars during our town's fair as its a fund raiser for them. He got his new uniform and was proudly wearing it. His other family members were bitching about having to drop him off, etc. My daughter had been texting him that day as he wanted to buddy up with her and do a double shift at the fair.
He went up to the Commander, hugged him, and said, "Thank you, sir, for all that you've done for me." Then he got into a car that had cursing come out of it.

Two days later, during their Monday meeting, there were grief counselors that swooped in on the meeting. This young man had shot & killed himself while the rest of his so-called family ate breakfast.

My daughter was devastated as she hadn't gotten the chance to return his text message. She felt she could have prevented his suicide.

I have 2 girls. I always wondered what it would be like to have a son. He was a good kid, despite everything he had been through. I was numb what I got the news.

So I started taking care of his grave site. I was upset to see that he was alone in life, and now in his death, his grave was in a new field, all alone. I bought a solar light at Home Depot, and wrote Jacob's Night Light on it. I kept watch over him, the grave site, and the light allowed me to see it at night as I drove passed on my way here and there.

Within a week, doors started slamming in my house. On 3 occasions, my husband and I were downstairs, cat asleep a few feet from us. Door upstairs would slam shut. We'd just stare at each other.
I would have private conversations with Jacob, in my head to myself, that is. I was trying to make sense of his death and that I would never see his smile again. I was MAD at his parents, & family.

As usual, I would have a horrendous day with my step daughter, Madam Les Miserables. I would sit in the living room in the dark and try to sort it all out. A time or two say, "What do you think, Jacob?

Thats when her picture starting crashing down. Over and over. It was crazy.

Their father said something to them about the picture. As I said, they are so afraid of ghosts.

You know, they never even said anything to my daughter about losing her friend. They've never even recognized any of my kids' birthdays, let alone mine.

I have left flowers and gone to Jacob's grave just to sit. I can't imagine how any parent can throw away a child. I see Jacob as my little guardian angel. I don't mind the slamming doors, pictures falling.
I just know he's up there watching over me, like I watch over his grave.

This is a mixed bag tonight. I'm feeling low. Tomorrow will be better.