Am I just being to sensitive???
I have 2 ss (27 & 24) and we just exchanged Christmas gifts with them last night due to their work schedules. One ss (27) just bought a townhouse that needs complete remodeling (he has lived with us the past 2 years). My dh and I have been spending almost every weekend over there helping with the remodel and he asked my ss what he wanted for Christmas. He decided that having us pay to remodel 2 bathrooms would be good. We agreed to do that and bought several other kitchen items for him. My other ss (24) just graduated from college in December and is moving in with the 27 ss soon. We purchased a TV and bedroom furniture for him for Christmas. When it came time to exchange gifts, my bs (12) was given a video game and $15 Target gift card from both ss which was very nice of them. They asked dh to come out to the garage to see his gift - bought him a snow blower. Guess what I received - NOTHING! And to make it more of a slap in the face, after they opened their gifts, they said "thank you dad" and I never received a thank you of any sort.
I understand that neither ss has the money to buy gifts for us like they received but the fact that I did not even get a thank you was very hurtful. This ended up causing a fight between my dh and I because I told him how hurtful it was. His response was that he doubted it was on purpose...really??? I just feel so disrespected and hurt and think I am just done with them. My dh says I am just being to sensitive. Thoughts???
You're not. They had enough
You're not.
They had enough money to buy your DH a snowblower but couldn't get you a $15 gift certificate to go get your nails done? They could have gone to Bath and Body works and spent $10 on a nice scented candle for you. Something.
And, most of all, they should have THANKED YOU along with their father!
Stop going over to help work on the townhouse, stop buying them things.
^^^ Yes! That was beyond
^^^ Yes! That was beyond rude. And for your husband to play it off like they didn't do it on purpose....ridiculous!
The SSs have made it clear
The SSs have made it clear where you stand with them.
Disengage now.
I have tried the disengaging
I have tried the disengaging and then slip up and end up in the same hurtful cycle. The hardest thing is the one ss (27) is very good to my bs (12) and my bs loves being around his big brother. My ss takes him to the movies, comes to as many football and baseball games as he can, plays games with him, etc. When I see my ss being so wonderful to my bs I seem to forget all of the hurtful things he and his brother have done to me and then open myself up to just more hurt. I will say that my one ss (27) treats me completely different than the other ss (24). If the older one is around without his brother than he seems to show me a little respect and things are good but as soon as the younger ss comes around (which is only when he wants/needs something) it is a whole different story.
I have never received much from them for Christmas and I am fine with that...it really isn't about the gift. This is the first time I have been so completely disrespected. Now my dh explanation is they probably meant for the snow blower to be a gift for both of us. Whatever, if that was the case they would have asked me to go to the garage also to see OUR gift. And his explanation for them not saying thank you is that they are not intentionally mean, it was a slip up and they can just be dumb sometimes. I just get tired of dh making excuses for their behavior.
I an completely understand the birthday thing. My birthday is on Jan 1st so kind of hard to forget. I never receive a card or phone call from them wishing me a happy birthday. They both called my dh this past year and wished him a happy new year but nothing was said to me.
Oh well - I feel like I have done what I can for them and have treated them very well and I have put up with a lot. I will continue to encourage the relationship between my bs and his brothers but I will limit my contact with both ss.
I agree that whether one
I agree that whether one receives a gift or not is NOT about the gift...it's about the message it sends. I had to disengage from my OWN DD26 a year ago when she asked for her Christmas gift (after not spending ANY time with me and dh Christmas Eve OR Christmas Day) and when I asked her when she wanted to exchange gifts, she said, "What do you mean - EXCHANGE?" Long story short...she fully admitted to buying her father (my ex) a gift, but not me. That was the last straw with my own child. Sad, huh? I can see it with stepchildren, but with your own is truly hurtful. My DDs don't get dh anything at Christmas nor do his sons gets me anything although the only one of his 3 adult sons who has any money usually buys us a candle (which he knows we both enjoy) and a box of chocolates. But, if he were to give just dh something and NOT me, it wouldn't bother me at all. I don't like my SSs and dh does not like my DDs, so we are just an unblendable family and we have come to accept that. He takes care of HIS and I take care of MINE. Period.
Sorry about your SSs though. That IS hurtful after all you did. Disengaging is the best thing.
Wow - that sounds a lot like
Wow - that sounds a lot like my house for my dh birthday. I usually get a text saying we are coming over for dinner to celebrate dad's birthday which translates into I either need to cook or order something because there is no way they are making or buying dinner. It really amazes me how inconsiderate and self centered people are. Both ss do the same thing though for their birthdays - my dh will get a phone call saying we can take them out to eat somewhere to celebrate their birthdays....and, of course my dh agrees to it.
my df fiance STILL has to
my df fiance STILL has to tell his bkids (2 daughters 19 and 18) to "say thank you to Angel5 too"...he has to "remind" them. and like your husband he says it's not on purpose. RIGHT.
It is true that it is the
It is true that it is the thought that counts and it is pretty clear what was being thought. These are the games people play and I don't like it one bit. Your DH is dead wrong, but it is typical for a parent to see only good in their children.
No, you are not being too
No, you are not being too sensitive. And yes, this is standard treatment for SMs. It appears you are paying for part of this SS's presents. Stop now. Let the gift exchange be between DH and SS only. Then take YOUR money and spend it on yourself as a reward for putting up with this B.S. Quite frankly, I think your DH should have asked SS where your present was, and let him know that you have paid 1/2 of the remodeling. SD was cheap with her dad but VERY cheap with me. Most of the time I didn't get anything. I finally told DH he could buy for his family (including SD) and I would pay for mine. Much better.
Like OP, from personal
Like OP, from personal experience I can tell you to pay attention to these actions. People tell the truth with their actions, not their words. By him leaving you out of the thank yous in addition to no gift, he doesn't give a rip about you or your feelings.
Over the years I did similar things for my SKs, helping them with things and basically being a part of the family. At times I would get vibes that what they would do or not do had more meaning behind it, but my DH would talk me out of my interpretations, saying I was reading too much into it or I was being too sensitive. WRONG! Trust yourself and your gut feeling. Don't do like I did and let someone talk you out of it. Your gut is what is correct. Never again will I deny my intuition. I'm very perceptive and intuitive and finally I'm believing in myself. You need to do the same because you can trust yourself. You can't trust these little assholes.
brutal people who treat you
brutal people who treat you poorly say "you are too sensitive." according to patricia evans, this is a form of verbal abuse. dont buy into it yourself.
you feel hurt for a reason. the skids insulted you. you are their fathers wife, not his piece of backside. you deserve respect.
if the skids dont show you respect, then its the fault of your dh. he needs to demand they treat you as his wife.
hopefully this will happen but far too many fathers kiss the backsides of the skids out of guilt over the divorce. after fathering children, they seem to misplace their testicles. if dh wont have your back, then you have to disengage and simply learn not to care. then again they are not your kids. its not your job to parent them. then again, you must demand on the respect that is your due.