When is divorce the best option?
Forums:
For the last 5 years, I have been dealing with 3 BM's and 4 skids. Not to mention the drama coming from my DH's brother, mom, etc.
I lost my career because I ceased to be mobile when I married him and have not been happy in a job since.
I am now back on anti-depressants which I was taking before that made me gain weight which has just depressed me more!
So, when IS divorce the best option? At what point, is enough enough?
My DH even wanted to talk about his exes at MY birthday dinner last week. Talk about ruining a birthday.
Only you can decide. If life
Only you can decide. If life with him brings more misery than joy, it's definitely something to consider.
Have you had a serious talk with your DH about your unhappiness?
Yes... I talked him into
Yes... I talked him into seeing a marriage counselor this past summer. We only went two times because the guy wasn't helping at all! And my DH was ranting about stuff that didn't even have to do with our marriage. It was such as waste of time.
I have a regular therapist because of my anxiety and she does marriage counseling too. I have invited him to go with me to see her, but he refuses. He says that he feels like it will just be two girls ganging up on him.
Starting to feel like he can't take any responsibility for our issues.
You'll know when you've have
You'll know when you've have enough.
In my opinion, and I've got
In my opinion, and I've got some divorce experience - married 2x and divorced. I was not upset with either divorce. And I knew it was best. I was at peace. And it was a healthy decision on my part.
The ONLY way divorce is should be considered is if you are being abused or cheated on and the other person refuses to get help. OR You are so mentally removed from the marriage that you feel nothing. Emotions are not there. The idea of them does not make you happy or sad. You just don't care any more. If that feeling lasts 6 months or more - you're done with the marriage and you should seek an attorney.
If you still get angry - that's emotion. There's something to work on. If you're unsure - that's emotion - there's something to work on. Divorce is hard. The hardest and when there are children - should never be entered into lightly because you are affecting lives forever. BUT if there's no emotion left in you for that person, and you've tried counseling, it's time find the door and get out.
I disagree. I think Marriage
I disagree. I think Marriage is too easy to end these days and I know because I've failed twice but I believe you should work harder than 'it would be better to be on my own than with him' because sometimes those thoughts are fleeting. And you make vows to God in marriage. I'm not up for breaking those when it would feel better to be alone than with him.
I don't call having to wait a
I don't call having to wait a year in my state to get divorced easy. It's another whole year that you have to be married to this person and deal with loose ends. And I don't think divorce is ever easy. My first DH was abusive and it still wasn't easy. But at least in that instance, I was in a state where you could get divorced a whole lot quicker than a year. I just know of all the emotions that I went through the first time and don't know that I want to go through them again. Even though the hurt and pain does go away eventually, it is mighty tense there for a while.
Do you have children with
Do you have children with this man? It is much easier to divorce if there are not children involved. Just curious but what do you mean by mobile?
No, I do not have children
No, I do not have children with him. I felt that dealing with 4 that weren't mine was enough and I didn't want to complicate the situation any further.
What I mean by mobile is that I was in a career where it was difficult to move up, get raises, be promoted, etc. unless you were able to relocate with the available opportunities. Now I am stuck in our hometown not even working in my original career path. I hate to say it but a little bit of resentment is starting to set in.
3BMs is 3 too many to me. I
3BMs is 3 too many to me. I stayed single for over 20 years after my 1st marriage. I have no children. My husband's children were adults when we married. I was so happy after dealing with dating men with children underage. DH said all his kids were independent...that waa a lie. His mother was widowed. She demanded her son play the role of a husband like a blank check. I had rose colored glasses on and look at it as he was vary loving and supportive to his mother. It is sick. I feel like a sister wife at times. He is a money tree to all.
We all know...no one is perfect. If he wanted to talk about his ex-wifes on your birthday, I feel for you. Does he ever make you feel like no. 1. My DH tries to make me no. 1..but his co-dependence makes him easy target for MIL and adult stepkids. I am no longer giving him the co-dependent easy out card...I am will call him on it.
I am so so sorry. If your DH is not willing to work on the marriage in ANY way, I think you need to cut your loses. Marriage is very hard even when both want it.
HUGS!!
His problem was that he
His problem was that he believed everyone when they said that they were taking BC. Too trusting.
NashvilleWingman... Thank you
NashvilleWingman... Thank you for your comment. As if I wasn't already feeling bad enough. I thought we were here to support each other not be a smartass towards each other. It's comments like this that kept me off this site for over a year. I don't need to feel negativity here too. Get plenty of that at home.