Sorry, that sucks. I will tell you that my experience in court is that the best thing is to accept the ruling and work with it. It never goes well for dads in these cases and all you do is spend lots of money. We spent 10K fighting BM and she got full custody of my SD at 14 and now at 17 the kid is ruined....Long ugly story.

I am so sorry. Just don't make any rash decisions. Tell your Dh to take this slowly and think it through. You guys have your lives to keep moving forward and think about too. AND from what you said before BM is flakey, she might even be back in 6 months!

i'm sorry. go slowly here. yes, it's another loss for your dh (and you), but the two of you have each other! isn't that the reason you got married? your life doesn't have to revolve around skids.

((((Hugs))))

I'm so sorry. DH and I had to give up on court because of health and financial reasons. It was tearing the kids apart, so we're working around court as best we can. I hate relying on the courts to determine your life for you, because you never know what they'll decide.

Oh my goodness, I did not expect that to happen at all! I'm so sorry for you guys. I wish I had some wors of encouragment but I just don't know what to say to try to make this better for you.

I'm so sorry. That's so sad, especially for the kids.

One OP's DH lives far from his kids and sends them care packages each month. Something for DH to think about. He may want to send them certified if he can, so BM will have to sign her name, showing that they got to her house.

The fact that he now has to pay more CS $ucks too. All NCPs should support their kids financially but the CS increase rubs me the wrong way because of the circumstances.

This is a blow, but not one that can't be recovered from. The fact is that today's western society does NOT value fathers--as seen by that stupid court ruling. They only like the $$$ in CS that NCP biodad brings in. You probably already know that there is NO vested interest in having dads have 50/50 with little or no CS as these agencies get federal "incentives" aka kickbacks for every dollar in CS they can wrench from (usually) NCP biodad.

Do not be in a hurry to chase the children now nor throw lots of money down that legal rabbit hole. Many times we have to "throw in the towel" in the face of today's anti-father sentiment which is legislated into court procedures.

By moving away from biodad, the BM has shown that she WILL PAS out the children and now has court approval to do so. You've done everything you can--it's very sad but pretty much a given nowadays.

Guilty Daddy in my case lives about 20 minutes away from his children but they haven't seen him in well over four years now; their ages are 17, 15 and stb 11. Guilty Daddy makes 33K a year here in NYS but has to pay $1,000 a month out of that. Needless to say I am the sole financial support.

Your DH has to start making a life with you, hopefully instead of BLAMING you for this outcome which, unfortuntely is EXTREMELY common.

Prepare yourself to deal with your emotionally downtrodden DH and ever so slowly try to make a new life for yourselves.

BTW, Guilty Daddy in my case wanted to move heaven and earth to move from 45 minutes one way to 15 minutes to be "closer to the children" (TM). What usually happens then is it BACKFIRES severely. The BM steps up the PAS and unless you have literally tens of thousands to throw away in legal fees, it continues on ad nauseum as the courts wink at the BM's alienation. I sold my wonderful home that I had raised MY bios in--a move I regret to this day. At the time my commute increased and so did my expenses because of the move. Let me tell you it was NOT appreciated--especially not MY many, many sacrifices--Guilty Daddy took and still does take me for granted.

As soon as we moved closer, this freaked the BM out because her lies to the community that we didn't go to skid's events blew up in her face. She responded by moving closer yet to the original PASinator, HER BM. Then she really ramped up the PAS, the phoney CPS reports started and the rest is history.

Do you have to appeal or would/could you file for a reconsideration?

My heart goes out to you and your DH.

I know exactly how you feel. I'm going for a doctorate and I'm 21. He said that if his EW moves with his now 2 year old son, he will follow him at any cost. Even if it affects our future marriage, future children or if I'm in a medical program or internship. He said he doesn't care no matter what, he will chase him down.

I want to start off by saying the family court system sucks.

BUT.

The reason courts make it hard for men to get/retain custody is because in MOST cases, the mom/woman was the one who took care of the child, handled things in school, drove the child places, etc. while the man worked. Women are typically the more nurturing ones who have a closer bond with the child. Obviously not always, but typically. When a mom is moving away, asking to retain 50/50 custody is NOT the best move. Because that would be torture on a child and only benefit the parent who is staying. It makes life easier for dad, who won't have to miss the child, but it's not in the child's best interest USUALLY. IMO, you would have done better to request physical custody because THAT provides stability for the child. But then you would have to support that with information showing Dad was the caretaker/nurturer more so than Mom. (Still not guaranteed, but you have a better chance. Unless Dad was not the primary caretaker and was just a place to go 50% of the time). The way it looks to me, Dad was looking out for himself, and not thinking about the child traveling back and forth. Also, I've read studies showing that shared custody often is not in the child's best interest because they don't have a "home" but rather have two houses they shuttle back and forth between. There are no easy answers. Divorce is never fair to the child, and I think we focus too much on how it affects parents.

I am so sorry to hear this. I have to agree with all the people that said don't fight it. I don't understand why moving out of state is ok.

The courts SUCK!

What a bastard the judge is. How can anyone say that a parent can just haul kids away from another parent.

BUT does Daddy really have any other choice but to follow? Rent your current house out, you rent a bachelor apartment until school is done as does he in the new town. When the move to him after school buy another house and continue to rent out the old one.

Daddy really has no choice and I hope he moves next door to his ex.

Before you maje any decisions on moving, your husband needs to be aware there is nothing to stop BM moving again, you cannot keep uprooting your lives every time she wants to move.

Give this time for the shock to,wear off before making any decisions.

BM may decide she doesn't like the new place, she may find 70/30 custody hard on her, the kids might hate the new place and find it difficult to settle. There are lots of reasons it mightn't work out for her. So give yourselves time.

I'm sorry your husband is so upset over this. Very sorry.

Before you maje any decisions on moving, your husband needs to be aware there is nothing to stop BM moving again, you cannot keep uprooting your lives every time she wants to move.

Give this time for the shock to,wear off before making any decisions.

BM may decide she doesn't like the new place, she may find 70/30 custody hard on her, the kids might hate the new place and find it difficult to settle. There are lots of reasons it mightn't work out for her. So give yourselves time.

I'm sorry your husband is so upset over this. Very sorry.

honey, divorce is about loss. and it sucks, but it seems the kids just keep losing because you cannot ever control the other parent. this is why its sooo important to THINK before one has kids and be selective in who they have kids with. you have the initial shock of divorce, come to terms with it, then decide to re-marry. once you re-marry, it's NO LONGER all about the kids. there's another family to think about. it sounds like you and your dh's lives revolve around skids? maybe it's time the two of you concentrate on your marriage. your dh even said something about things not being the same without the kids, which hurt you. you even had to point it out to him that YOU are still there. i really think he needs therapy and the two of you need marriage counseling. if you start chasing bm now, when in the world will it end?