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Alone in my own home

StepKat's picture

Submitted by StepKat on Tue, 12/31/2013 - 8:39am

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I can’t figure out what I’m feeling or why I’m feeling it. I guess the best way to describe it is that I feel drained, exhausted, anxious, like I want to hide in my room for the next few days. We’ve had the skids since Christmas Day. I do love them and enjoy spending time with them. DH hasn’t ignored me or neglected me. However, I still feel alone in my own home, or that I’m a stranger looking in. I wish I knew why I felt this way so I could snap out of it.

Justme54's picture

Submitted by Justme54 on Tue, 12/31/2013 - 9:24am

I would guess it is...even thought the skids and DH are on their best behavior,you have been doing for them all and it what they like to do or what they want to eat...etc. Am I right?

StepKat's picture

Submitted by StepKat on Tue, 12/31/2013 - 9:42am

That might be one of the reasons. But I feel that would make me selfish. When the skids are here it’s not about me it’s about them and that’s how it should be. I’m so tired of feeling out of whack right now.

IAMGOOD's picture

Submitted by IAMGOOD on Tue, 12/31/2013 - 9:53am

Time to sleep! Enjoy the time alone to clear yourself and relax as it sounds like they have sucked you dry.

Recharge!

Justme54's picture

Submitted by Justme54 on Tue, 12/31/2013 - 10:53am

I agree...But not 100%. They could throw you a bone. It gets old being the doormat to all. My skids are adults. I buy gift for them...birthdays and Christmas. I never even get a birhtday card. The only Christmas gift this year we got was a box of 4 brownies and 5 cookies from SS35.

StepKat's picture

Submitted by StepKat on Tue, 12/31/2013 - 10:03am

Last night had the strong urge just to cry. I was able to hold it back. I didn’t know that having the skids for longer than a weekend would drain me to the point of nearly crying.

SituationalTourettes's picture

Submitted by SituationalTourettes on Tue, 12/31/2013 - 10:53am

Been there, done that, have the T-shirt. I completely understand. I would give and give just because it's my nature and by the end of the SKs visit I was dead on my feet emotionally and physically. I felt obligated to be hostess because I wanted them to have a great time. It's not that they dont appreciate it but it's different when it's your own kids or just you and DH.

I agree you need to nap, take a break, go shopping, read a book, do something for YOU. Let the kids be with dad for a while. He's their father, they really come to visit HIM and you are an awesome bonus. You don't have to disengage entirely but you may want to do your own thing a bit. Time is important for you too.

Sometimes I think we SM's (or almost SM's Wink ) feel disconnected because we aren't part of the DH and SKs past life. We don't have the same memories together or experiences. Sometimes that's a good thing and other times it makes me sad.

If you need a good cry to release, go do it. Let it out. You sound like a great person and you should feel free to let loose if you need to.

StepKat's picture

Submitted by StepKat on Tue, 12/31/2013 - 11:01am

OMG! You hit the nail on the head! Especially with this -> “Sometimes I think we SM's (or almost SM's ) feel disconnected because we aren't part of the DH and SKs past life.” I kept wondering why I still felt like a stranger even after 5 years, now I can put words to the feelings. Thank you. I’m back at work after my holiday leave. Being back is helping a bit. What I would love to do is lay on the couch with DH and watch a movie, just us; and be lazy for a day.

mannin's picture

Submitted by mannin on Tue, 12/31/2013 - 11:04am

Being a stepmom is hard on any level. All the work, drama, and energy does take a lot out of you. Many times I take a hot shower, sit, and let it out in tears. It does wonders.

You're amazing for all you do, which is why you are worthy of your own time too. Take care of yourself.

SituationalTourettes's picture

Submitted by SituationalTourettes on Tue, 12/31/2013 - 11:30am

Oh, trust me, you're probably insane anyway just dealing with SKs in general Wink I know I am LOL

I don't think people realize that it's just as hard for us to feel a part of a "new family" as it is for the SKs, you know? Don't say this, don't do that, don't upset DH, don't upset the SKs because "they didnt ask for this", don't talk to the BM, suck it up, suck it up, suck it up. Do your SKs comment on stuff they used to do with DH and BM when you go to the same place they did? Yeah, love that. I try to be nice about it but after a while it's like yeah, your mom's a narcissistic wench who had a midlife crisis and chose to party, I really don't care what you did with her on vacation or at a theme park. You can't say it, but you're thinking it lol.

Best way to combat it is try to make your own memories as best as you can. Sounds like your SKs are great kids. That's quite a blessing. My 3 bios and my SKs have always gotten along great (SD19 is a snotty witch who has disconnected from us completely but it's her loss, she's BM's little monster now and she's dealing with the drama.

Hang in there Smile !!!

StepKat's picture

Submitted by StepKat on Tue, 12/31/2013 - 11:46am

Omg you’re wonderful. You have no idea how right you are on everything you said. I don’t care what skids did at BM’s, I don’t care how she cooks this or that, I don’t care about anything she does. I’m exhausted lol, and I don’t even know why I wanted to cry. I’m not sad or depressed. You are correct that my skids are great and so is DH and I’m very blessed. It was weird and poor DH was worried about me.