Losing respect for your spouse is detrimental. What I would do is dissect each of your complaints and find out where they're coming from, and figure what can be solved, and what can be compromised. For example: Housework. You are not the maid. He didn't marry you to have a permanent indentured servant, that works longer hours, takes care of the house and of him...at least he better not have, or else, you should call it quits! Talk to him about that and about how you can better split household responsibilities so you aren't stuck with them all the time. What I've noticed is 9/10 times they just don't notice things the way we do. So when my DH has a chore around the house that is HIS, he very devoutly does it, and nothing else. Not out of spite, but because a sink full of dirty dishes doesn't scream "WASH ME" the way it does for me.

So, have that conversation. Make up, romantic dinner, etc THEN tackle the next issue. I wouldn't take on more than one issue at a time.

As far as his kids treating him like shit, there's a lot of variables that you know the answers to, or maybe not. Many dads harbor guilt about bio kids of divorce, and tend to go easy on them, and spoil them. It's no wonder Cinderella and Snow White's step mothers were such biotches, it was probably all their father's fault. I think if you have a good conversation with him to understand WHY he allows it to go on, it may open your eyes a little. You said his kids shit on him....is he a pushover for everyone, or just them? Are there any other kids in the scenario to compare it to? (Do you have kids that he interacts with, and if so, does he act appropriately with them, and not tolerate similar behaviors)? If that is the case, then there's definitely guilt involved. And basically if that is the case, you have a few options here: You can help him understand he's not doing the kids any favors by allowing that, because it will only ruin any future relationships they have by thinking it's okay to treat others badly. You can tell him you understand where he's coming from and accept that your skids will be assholes, and make it clear that once they're grown, you won't want anything to do with them. Or you can end it, because neither former solution is working. Ultimately, his kids are not your problem, and as long as you have love for him, and nurture your marriage, I wouldn't let how he chooses to interact with his kids affect that...just make him aware that you'll be away at the spa when they're around so you don't have to witness it.

First off: I am sorry you are going thru a tough time in your life.

I have to tell you as soon as you said video games and smoking pot I lost my respect for him. I don't even know the guy. This guy has to change his routine "big time". His kids are sh$tting on him because they can. Sounds like he doesn't want to make the effort to parent.

You got a lazy one on your handles lady and you need to seriously have a heart to heart & he has to change up his routine. This does not sound like the behavior of an adult.

Video games - toss out the window!!! Pot? Maybe the gym or going out walking for a bit in place of smoking pot daily. Then he may have the motivation to actually do something around the house.

Main reason you have lost respect is because you feel like his parent. I am speaking from experience.

Losing respect is HUGE in a marriage. You can get it back. You should tell him you have lost a lot of respect for him because he is doing so many childlike things. You need to feel like you are with an equal partner. He has to earn his respect back. Tell him what he needs to do to earn it back in contructive a way as possible.

Good luck

I know what you're talking about, I love DH too but have lost respect for him, mostly due to how he handles ss20 but also ss16, he has not worked a full time job in almost 5 years, he doesn't play video games anymore, he had cancer and that was a huge drain too.

I saw this weekend that my marriage with dh is seemingly at the same place that my marriage got to just before xh and I separated. Not sure what I am going to do, my ssons are almost out of the house, and now I wonder can my marriage be saved or is it going to go down the same chute as my previous one?

"He didn't marry you to have a permanent indentured servant, that works longer hours, takes care of the house and of him..."

I think that is the ONLY reason a lot of these Guilty Daddies seek us responsible females out--to financially enable their first family's entitlement and in the bargain, make him look like Disney Daddy.

If you don't respect him, the only answer if for you to accept that and keep feeling this depression over the man you say you love (but I don't know how there can be love without respect), or not accept it and him owning the fact that he needs to step up. If he is not willing to change and you don't trust or have faith that he will take ownership of changing then there is no reason to continue.

I'm so sorry you are going through this. Perhaps stepping back to take some time to enjoy the holidays with other family and friends, might give you the time and perspective to figure out what direction you want to go...

Funny how daddykin's guilt and kissing his kid's keister leads to a lack of respect from ALL parties. . .the children, his FORMER spouse and his CURRENT spouse!!

http://www.todaysmodernfamily.com/index.php/4110

My skids BM still has an unhealthy addiction to online gaming. You might want to check out http://olganon.org/ for help and understanding. They have a forum for family members once you register for a user ID.