How to handle sleeping arrangements for 3 when they're only here every other weekend...
Hey everyone! I'm just wanting to get a general opinion from everyone on this.
Currently, my boyfriend and I live in a one bedroom apartment. When his three kids come over every other weekend (11 y.o. girl, 9 y.o. boy, 5 y.o. boy) they all sleep in the living room. The girl sleeps on the couch, and the boys each have a twin size air mattress we set up for them. We'll be moving at the end of January, and are aiming for a three bedroom place. I haven't talked to my bf yet, because I figured there's no point until we know for sure, but I feel like since the kids are only here every other weekend, there's no need to give one of them their own room and make the other two share. Naturally, I would assume the separation would be giving his daughter her own room and making the boys share. But I feel like that would cause too many issues. There's two different moms, so the oldest two kids (11g and 9b) only see the youngest (5b) on the weekends they visit, so I don't want them to end up separating themselves from each other and not spending any time together. I also think it's somewhat of a waste of space to dedicate two out of three bedrooms to kids who are only here every other weekend.
My thought for a solution is this: have the three of them share one bedroom for sleeping. Have a bunk bed for the boys, and then a separate bed for the girl so she still has her own area (this probably wouldn't be the set up right away since we probably won't be able to afford both beds right away, but it would be the primary goal for us right away). Then have their clothes in there. Then in our third bedroom, put their toys/games/TV/etc., and set it up as their "playroom". Then in a corner, have an area for my computer desk so it can be used as an office when the kids aren't here. I'm going to school full time, and right now, my desk is in our bedroom. Not only is it cramped, but it's hard to do homework too late when my bf wants to go to bed. I generally don't do homework on the weekends the kids are here, so I figure having my desk in there wouldn't hurt because I would only use it when they weren't here. Then sometime down the line, if there's room, we could add a futon to the playroom that could be used as a guest bed if we needed and also be used as seating for the kids when they're in there. But that's not really part of the immediate plan so it's not necessarily important.
Anyway, I just wanted to get some input from you guys. I know having three kids sharing one room isn't ideal, but it does happen. My only concern is one of them being a girl. I know she would want her own space, but I just don't think it's necessary. If we should ever have full custody of any of them sometime down the line, then I would separate the rooms out and have one for her and one for the boys.
Any opinions on this? I just want some feedback to see if I'm the only one that thinks this is a good plan or not.
I think it's a terrible plan.
I think it's a terrible plan. Give the girl her own room and have the 2 boys share.
If you're already going to
If you're already going to pretty much make both rooms about the kids, you might as well let the girl have her own room. Give the girl her own room.
But both rooms aren't going
But both rooms aren't going to be about them - the third will be playroom/guest room/office. That way they have a little more space to spread out when needed, but when they aren't here, the third room will still get utilized. Giving them their own rooms means putting the computer in our bedroom, which is how it is now and it's not working for us.
I guess I have this opinion because when I was younger and would visit my dad, my sister and I shared a room, even though he had an extra spare bedroom. But since we were only there every other weekend, there was no need to separate us.
I also probably have a slightly skewed opinion given his daughter's rude attitude lately and the fact that I don't think she deserves to have her own room.
I just don't know. I guess maybe it sounds selfish, but I just feel it's a waste of an extra room. I'd like to have the ability in the future to have space for guests. We both have family that lives out of town, and it'd be nice for them to be able to stay with us instead of hotels. He also has a son that's planning to come visit this summer which is part of what I'm trying to plan for. Should the three boys have to share one room, while the daughter gets her own then?
Why is it ok for the 2 boys
Why is it ok for the 2 boys and 1 girl to share a room, but not 3 boys?
I understand what you're saying about wanting to utilize the space - I finally got my own office and love it. But, realistically your plan may not work or back fire. As mentioned in a comment below, in some states it is illegal to have a boy and girl share a room past a certain age (it is in my state).
Are the kids using the computer as well? I ask because at my house computer time is in common areas to avoid my SS going on sites that aren't kid appropriate. My DH kinda had the same issue as you about not wanting things like computers in our room - we traded in our PC for laptops and a wireless printer. It has worked great for us.
The kids aren't allowed to
The kids aren't allowed to use the computer. It's password-locked to avoid any problems. They've also never asked to use it, so it's never been an issue.
As for the three boys, I was saying more like 3 kids will be in one room, while 1 gets their own.
The girl's attitude is for
The girl's attitude is for her father to deal with. Whether she 'deserves' her own room isn't the issue. If there are behavioral problems, your BF needs to deal with those but sleeping arrangements should not be about children with attitudes. The issue must be about one girl, two boys.
Our finances are combined. It
Our finances are combined. It all goes into my account, I pay the bills, and the rest is used for whatever we need.
Terrible idea. May not even
Terrible idea. May not even be legal in some states. The two boys share and the girl gets one to herself. Which ever one has more space after beds, gets your computer desk.
Why wouldn't it be legal?
Why wouldn't it be legal?
I agree with the other, give
I agree with the other, give the girl her own room. This allows the two boys to still bond, but an 11 year old isn't far off from puberty.
Not sure if it can be
Not sure if it can be enforced in a personal home, but if you rent and apartment, different sex siblings can not share a room.
Here (NYC) that only comes
Here (NYC) that only comes into play if you receive some type of housing help (public housing, section 8...). If you're paying market rate rent, that rule doesn't apply.
I think the biggest thing
I think the biggest thing that I should point out again is that the shared room is mainly for sleeping at night. During the day, I don't care who goes where or uses which room.
While I 'get' two rooms for
While I 'get' two rooms for kids that are there only like 4 days a month can be issues space wise, but being one of the children is a female IMO she shouldn't be sharing with the boys. It's one thing if the kids were all toddlers but with a 9yr girl and a 11yr old boy, I wouldn't have them share.
You might continue to use the air mattress thing in the living room for the boys and give the girl the bedroom. You could still do your plans for the third bedroom as a playroom/entertainment room for the kids (put the boy's clothes in there perhaps in a closet organizer. Some closets you might even be able to put a small dresser on one end. Kids can play and do the tv/vid games whatever. Just the boys sleep in livingroom. You could also then use the play room as where the boys do 'Ive been a bad kid today' while girl gets sent to her room . Boys change clothes in play room where their clothing is and girl does it in her room.
It's not going to be long before you find the girl has 'girl stuff' in her room that boys have no business snooping around and getting into. It's just my opinion, but the female child needs more privacy and 'space' than the boys do. When yu figure you'll likely sign a year lease (meaning girl will be 10 and one boy 12 before perhaps another move)I'd start it off as picturing in your mind the issues that can and will come up within the next 12 months. Middle school kid opposite sex don't belong in same room and they both have different needs.
I get where you're coming
I get where you're coming from, but if I went this route, it would be the boys in one room and the girl in the living room. Regardless of gender, it's unfair to give one kid a room to herself and make the other two sleep in the living room. That's just ridiculous, IMO.
That would be suitable too
That would be suitable too (the girl in the livingroom to sleep) as long as the playroom/entertain room has rules of 'privacy' so the girl can use it for her needs without the boys busting in on her. Putting her clothing and letting her use the closet just for her things with her changing clothes blah blah in there, with boys in the actual bedroom they sleep in. You'd probably have to discuss 'limits' as to when the boys can come and go in the room that the girl will be using (knock and wait when door closed ect).
I don't think the girl needs to have the boys invading on her is all. As long as everybody understands and follows the rules you and BF lay out in regards to respecting each other's privacy. IMO you'll also want to set a time limit as to when the livingroom sleeper gets up. I wouldn't want a snoozer on the floor in the main rooms while the rest of the family is getting up and starting their day. For instance if girl is sick and sleeping in, have her take her blanket and pillow off to the play room and the boys stay out of there that day. They'd have their own bedroom to play in that day anyway.
Whatever you decide works best will be fine as long as the boys and girl aren't sleeping all together and do have space to get away from each other. If there is a 3rd boy coming this summer the boys in the fulltime bedroom likely makes more sense. I hope the bigger apartment this January works out. I can't imagine having four kids all in the living room. They'd drive you crazy
I'm not going to. I was
I'm not going to. I was simply replying to the person's suggestion, as I said IF I were to go that route. But I'm not. They will be in rooms. I am not trying to remind them that they are visitors. That's a pretty bs assumption to make.
I get why you say that - it
I get why you say that - it does sound like that. But it wasn't the point I was trying to give. I'm not trying to insist that they are kid-free looking either. I'm really basing this off of how I lived at my dad's/stepmom's house. My room was a guest room when I wasn't there (and even if I was). It was decorated nicely, and I had places to put some of my stuff, but there was no hanging posters or anything like that on the wall. The only issue I had with that was that they could have had a separate guest room, but my stepmom hoarded too much crap and you couldn't even walk one foot into the extra room without hitting something. Regardless, I don't care if there is "kid stuff" in the rooms. She can have whatever she wants of hers in the room. But I don't think hanging posters is necessary either. Not to mention, I'm pretty sure her dad wouldn't go with it since he's anal about hanging anything in a rental for fear of damaging the walls and getting charged.
I have to agree with this...
I have to agree with this... This type of situation, IMHO, will backfire in a major way...
I know having three kids
I know having three kids sharing one room isn't ideal, but it does happen
But, in this case, it doesn't have to happen.
I would make one room the boys' room, with their toys and stuff in that room and one room my office/guest room, with a daybed or futon for the girl.
OK - I did some quick
OK - I did some quick research and found that there aren't any actual US laws about it, but CPS can choose to enforce regulations if they feel they need to. I don't think we have to worry about the oldest two's mom giving us a hard time, considering they have 3 kids sharing one room in her house (the one girl and then two boys). But, still not something I want to deal with, so thank you guys for pointing that out.
@Hereiam - your comment pretty much states what I'm thinking...
One room will have bunk beds for the boys, and then all the toys. The other room will have a bigger bed for the girl so that it's also big enough for guests, and then my office area. That way, she has her own place for sleeping. All the toys can be stored in the boys' room, but I'll give her a little space to have some stuff in the room she sleeps in. I say "all the toys", but there seriously isn't that much, so it won't be like their room is crowded up with crap. No TV in either room, because I refuse to buy two new TVs just so each room can have one. The kids can learn to just go to sleep at night - which is how I would rather have it anyway, but their dad lets them watch TV when they go to bed right now since they're all in the living room. His daughter's room can be "hers" when she's here, but with it known that if I have homework that I have to get done and need to be in there, she'll have to play elsewhere (which probably won't happen very often, but I want to make sure she knows that right away so there's no argument when it does happen). Which is why I figure it's probably best to store the toys in the other room. If my parents or whoever come to visit on a weekend the kids are here, then she'll just have to sleep in the living room on the couch or on an air mattress. IMO - small price to pay given she has her own room. I had to do this when I lived at my dad & stepmoms house (mostly because my stepmom was a hoarder and her "guest room" was overloaded with crap), so I think it's fair to expect it from her.
Does this sound like a better plan?
It also sounds like we should probably rule out settling for a 2br. I don't know if rules are the same when kids are only there every other weekend versus all the time. Our current building has made no mention of any rules for sleeping arrangements, and they know we have them here every other weekend and only have one bedroom. But, I'd rather be covered and know that we aren't potentially breaking any laws.
It definitely sounds like a
It definitely sounds like a better plan.
When my SD visited, her room was our spare TV/guest room. There was a dresser so she had drawers for her things but it was not obviously a teenage girl's room. It was nicely decorated to my liking (no cat posters) and when she was there, we called it her room. Big step up from sleeping in the living room when we had our one bedroom apartment.
That's what I was thinking.
That's what I was thinking. I'm not going to have it decorated to look like a young girl's room, and there'll be no 1D posters on the walls! If she lived with us full time, then I would consider doing it differently. But for 2 weekends a month, that should be fine.
I have considered that
I have considered that possibility, as I said before, and if it does happen, then we will make adjustments. I see where you're coming from, and in a perfect world, we'd have a room for each child, decorated however they want, and an extra room to boot. But we can't afford that right now. She has her own "space" at her mom's that she can do what she wants. The "room" they share is like an open basement area from what I understand. I know she has her own space for that because she's taken things home from our house to put up in her space. They don't spend more time with us during the summer unless their mother wants to get rid of them for a while. Not by our choice - just to clarify. There's no set up in the custody arrangement for it. I've tried to tell him to take both moms back to court and get more summer visitation, but he hasn't done it yet. That's his issue, I guess.
I have no problem giving them their own space when they're here, and like I said that room can be hers when she's here. No, I don't feel the need to have it decorated like a teenage child's room when she is not here full time. If she were, then it would be a different story. I guess this part can just be difference in opinion. Decorations are going to be limited as it considering our financial situation right now, so the boys won't even have "boy stuff" in their room. I think it'll be fine this way and if living arrangements change in the future, we'll change it up then.
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Girls and boys should not
Girls and boys should not share even if they're bio. Also if a custody evaluator is ever involved they will make this part of the order. Even if it's not an issue or thought. It will be written in. Also if you only get a two bedroom or stay in the one, the evaluator would tell you to put the SD in your room on mattress on the floor.
We wouldn't get another one
We wouldn't get another one bedroom. If we do have to get a two bedroom, the boys will take the second room and the girl will have to sleep in the living room. Why in the hell would they expect us to have her share our room? How is that any more appropriate than having her share with her brothers??
me too!
me too!
I'm not lobbying for them to
I'm not lobbying for them to remain undecorated spaces for me. I said they wouldn't be getting decorated because we cannot afford extra stuff right now. Coming from a one bedroom to a three bedroom means buying beds for each kid, and other furniture for their rooms. So no, we will not be able to afford buying other unnecessary stuff right now.
I said the THIRD bedroom
I said the THIRD bedroom would be nice to still be able to use as a guest room if needed when the kids aren't here. I didn't say both rooms had to be guest rooms. The boys can have one room, and the girl can have the other. Hers will be a guest room when she isn't here.
And I'm not saying that mine
And I'm not saying that mine would.
Thank you for that. I don't
Thank you for that. I don't think it's at all ridiculous to not allow posters on the wall. A few little decorations here and there I don't care about, but big giant posters of boy bands or whoever aren't necessary.
I am older than you are
I am older than you are suggesting - but that doesn't matter. I don't view them as a thorn in my side. Yes, I made the decision to date someone with children - OMG! I'm a horrible person. Single dads with four children deserve to spend the rest of their lives alone because of the choices they made in the past. What am I thinking?!?!
Of course I'm taking the role of a SM - we live together. What am I supposed to do when the kids come over? Go stay somewhere else and act like I don't exist?
I know what his finances are. His paycheck goes into my bank account. What am I not going to have much of because he has to pay child support?
There will be no #5 child - not that it's anyone's business, but he can't have any more children. I'm not trying to play "mommy" with his kids. But seriously - how do you think I should act with them? Treat them like crap and tell them never to look at me or speak to me? I honestly don't understand that opinion. I get bashed for trying to play "mommy", but then I'm not "mommy" enough for other people.
OK - seriously people, some
OK - seriously people, some of your responses are ridiculous. Read my comments earlier, and you'll see the decision I made about how I'm doing it. Yes - I realize our current situation is not ideal. But it was all we could afford at the time. Now, we can afford a little more, and are moving. So don't judge me based on what we could afford at the time. Their mothers aren't going to care what we do considering they share at their homes, too (as you would know if you read my other comments). Not a single one has complained about the current situation now.
Regardless, you're acting like I'm being completely heartless about the situation when I'm simply trying to figure out the best arrangement for everyone. I never said I was going to make one room just for my office or any sort of TV room. I was trying to figure out how to best utilize the space so when they aren't there, it can still be used. Is that seriously that ridiculous of a thought? How dare I!
I will not make any of them sleep in the living room if we have a three bedroom house. I never said that I would. And telling me to get something bigger than that - are you going to send the extra money needed? I'm sorry but we're doing what we can afford and trying to make the best of the situation. I admitted that my first idea wasn't good and decided how I would be arranging things. And that was the whole reason for posting on here - to get opinions from people who have been doing this longer than me. I do want his kids to feel at home, and I am trying to do that the best way I can. So quit being asses and trying to make me feel like I'm being ridiculous when I know I'm not. Yes - my original plan was stupid and I see that now, thanks to the few who actually gave legitimate advice instead of BS. I am fairly new at this. I have been dating him for a year, and have no children of my own. So opening my life up to three children that I have no say over has been an adjustment. One I'm fine with because I enjoy the kids and spending time with them, but it is a lot to get used to and I'm trying my hardest.
If you don't have legitimate, honest advice to give me, then please keep it to yourself. That being said, I've made my decision on what to do, and thank you to those who actually helped me.
I did not outright state that
I did not outright state that no decorations will be allowed in their rooms! I said that her room didn't need to be decorated like a teenage girls room all over the place. I said she could have some of her stuff in there. No posters on the wall is more or less what her dad will say - as I mentioned to someone else, he doesn't like hanging crap up because he's afraid of damaging the walls. If she asked him and he said yes, then fine. But I don't foresee this happening. You guys are acting like I'm trying to say I don't want it at all to look like kids are ever there, and that's not what I said at all.
I didn't delete that comment.
I didn't delete that comment. It's still there. Check the first page.
That first quote was from a response I gave to someone who said I was already going to make both rooms be about them. All I was saying was that both weren't. I was planning on making one their bedroom, and one a playroom/office. You took that out of context. And that's no longer a plan I'm going to try and aim for, as I also stated.
Having her sleep in the living room when people come to visit probably won't happen - but should someone want to come visit on a weekend we have the kids, then that's how it will be. If my dad can get a certain weekend off to come and visit us, and it happens to be a weekend the kids are here, I'm not going to tell him no. That's all I meant by that.
I am in no way trying to ignore the fact that he has kids. I've done a lot for him and his kids. He was living with his parents still when I first met him. I'm not trying to make them out to be afterthoughts. I don't understand your logic behind that. How is deciding that the boys will share a room and the girl will "share" her room making them out to be afterthoughts? And that decision was based on someone else's suggestion - so obviously I'm not the only person in the world who thinks that way.
You're making ridiculous assumptions about me. I was the one who wanted to move to a 3br to give them more space. He was fine just going to a 2br because it'd be more affordable.
I'm done arguing with people and defending myself to someone who wants to continue to make incorrect judgments about me. I'm sorry I asked for advice on a forum that I thought was meant to help people like myself rather than belittle them and make them feel like they're the most horrible person in the world because they DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO AND ARE SEEKING ADVICE! You guys REALLY know how to come together and help others out...
What about your FDH? Does he
What about your FDH? Does he get a say in any of this?
Of course he does. As I said,
Of course he does. As I said, we will discuss it when we know what size place we are moving into. The problem is we have to give a 60 day notice in this building, and most other places don't know that soon if they will have any openings. So we don't even know where we will be moving to, just that we are. By posting this, I was simply trying to get some feedback so that when he and I do discuss it, I'll know what my thoughts on it will be. I'm glad I asked because I did get some valuable input and changed my opinion on what I think should happen. When the time comes, I'll discuss it with him and get his opinion, and we can work on a decision together.
If your BF is paying the
If your BF is paying the bills, you're not married, and these are his kids, I think this is his decision. I'm assuming he's the primary breadwinner if you're going to school full time.
I'm interested to know what his opinion is .. since I don't think that's really been mentioned at all.
I think letting the boys share and then making the girls' room a dual-purpose space will work. I'm assuming 3BR rentals near you come with decent sized bedrooms that can make this workable.
He's not the primary
He's not the primary breadwinner. I still work, and he pays child support on four kids. But that's not the point.
I haven't gotten his opinion yet since it hasn't been discussed with him.
Ok. My advice would be to
Ok. My advice would be to talk to him about what he wants/thinks before you reach outside of your relationship for advice/inputs.
I can see how a person may be offended or upset that you're seeking out solutions for problems you haven't even discussed with them yet. Just my two cents.
I have no intentions on
I have no intentions on telling him I sought outside advice - isn't that the point of this forum? To get others opinions on step-parenting issues? I will talk to him about it and discuss it with him when the time comes. I never planned not to.
Sure. I guess I don't
Sure.
I guess I don't understand what the step-parenting issue is. You seem to have figured out what it is you want to do fairly quickly. Now you just have to tell your BF what your plan is.
It just seems a little odd to me that you'd come here looking for an answer before even talking to him, but I guess there's more than one way to skin a cat.
I wasn't looking for an
I wasn't looking for an answer. Just advice. So that when I talk to him, I have something in the back of my mind to back up my reasoning. If I hadn't came here for advice, I'd still be going to him with my original plan that I posted. And I don't think that would work out too well. But after talking to some people and seeing the reactions, I realize that it obviously wasn't a good idea and it was a good thing I sought advice before talking to him. I'm not planning on "telling" him what we're going to do. It's to discuss with him - give him my thoughts, and see how he wants to do it. If he doesn't agree, then we'll work something else out.
You're telling me no one has ever posted something on here to get advice about how to handle a situation?!? I don't believe that for a second. You can probably look through the first page of posts and find something where someone wants advice on what to do or how to handle something.
And what dream would that
And what dream would that be?!
I would give the boys a room
I would give the boys a room and the girls the other. Since your computer is passworded, have the computer in the girls room anyway. It can be a girls room/office that way. Or depending on what house you get, maybe your computer can be in the lounge? I guess it depends a lot on what you end up with and the space, it may have a small office area for you. But ultimately, you need to get DHs opinion on it and support him with it. My two DSs have to share a room while SD gets her own (for every other weekend), it helps blend the family better because she feels better included.
Thank you for your input. I
Thank you for your input. I agree with you. I completely intend on putting the office elsewhere if our new place allows for it. But I'm not counting on having that additional space. But her room will still double as a guest room when she's not here. I think that's a completely legitimate expectation to have. There's no reason for it not to be utilized if needed. I will definitely and always planned on getting my bf's input on this. Honestly, I don't expect him to have much input at all. He hasn't seemed to be stuck on the idea of getting them separate bedrooms since I said before that he was ready to settle for a 2br place because of the price difference. I would be very surprised if his thoughts on it differed much from my final thoughts on it.
Thank you to everyone who gave me good input and advice. I know what my decision will be to suggest to my boyfriend, and I will discuss it with him when we know for sure where we are moving.
Actually, if you read
Actually, if you read everything, I said numerous times that I agreed that would be a good agreement, and said many times that my original plan was a bad idea. You didn't read everything if you still think I'm defending my original idea.
Agreed!
Agreed!
I think using the 3rd bedroom
I think using the 3rd bedroom as the girls room and office is fine EXCEPT that when she is there it is HER room. You don't get to "kick" her out if you need it. That is HER space while she is there. You should make other arrangements to study while she is there IMO.
I think it is rude to give her a room but only if you don't need it while she is there.
A young girl needs her privacy and her own space - I just don't understand how you cannot remember being her age or a teen.
Surely you wouldn't like to be in your room doing your own thing and then a parent comes along and says OK, OUT now please, I need to use your room for a while. Blech. That does not sound right to me at all.
Good luck with all that.
LOL a shrine!! Who said
LOL a shrine!! Who said anything about a shrine.
All I stated was that she needed her privacy WHILE SHE IS THERE.
You can use the 3rd bedroom as your office for approx. 26 days a month.
I'm reading this several days
I'm reading this several days later and found it ridiculous how much the OP had to repeat and defend herself because some others apparently didn't read all of the OPs comments after the original post.
I also find it very interesting that a lot of these women can say some horrible things about their own skids but act holier than thou over what others say.
OI VOY!!
"I also find it very
"I also find it very interesting that a lot of these women can say some horrible things about their own skids but act holier than thou over what others say."
I'm so glad you pointed this out because I felt this same way. I came to this forum new to the "step-parent" world and seeking advice from fellow step-parents. And most of them tried to make me feel like the worst person in the world rather than offer me actual advice. Yet I can sit here on any given day and read dozens of posts from people complaining about their "horrible, ungrateful, bratty" step-children. Hypocritical, much?
I did acknowledge numerous times that some of my ideas were bad, and the few people who chose to actually help me did a good job in telling me what could be better alternative options. Most people jumped right down my throat without bothering to see what I had said in the comments, and unfortunately there's no way to edit a post (from what I can tell) so I couldn't go back in and add on to the original post to clarify.
In all honesty, most of my reservations on giving his daughter a room that is 100% her own is her attitude. I don't feel she has given us any reason to give her a room that's all her own, and since this isn't her primary residence, I don't feel like we should feel obligated to. But, even with that being said, she will have her own room if we are able to get the 3 bedroom house we're hoping for. And with that room will come big responsibilities, as she will be responsible for keeping it clean and picking it up before they leave to go home, which I think is good for her (and yes, before someone jumps down my throat about that comment, the boys will have responsibilities, too).
I do remember what it was like being a young girl. I never had my own bedroom, even at my main home, and I survived just fine. I said in numerous comments that if, for whatever reason, they ended up moving in with us full time, it would be another story.
I think the amount of ridicule some of you people have given me is just ridiculous. You can try to sit up on your throne and act like you're the Step-Mom of the Year, but if that were the case you wouldn't be using a forum "where stepparents come to vent."
Kids of separate sexes need
Kids of separate sexes need beds with partitions, as far as I remember. Check your State laws. I know people that lost custody over this. I'm from the old country, people slept in the same room with kids and goats, I don't think it's a biggie, but the sooner you move, the better. Sucks.