Phone calls/Voice messaging
So I don't know if you guys have heard of it but there is this thing called Voxer. Basically an app on your phone that is like a 2 way radio. BM out of no where started deciding that skids should message SO once every 2 days on it. Then the skids came to our place she had a hissy fit that he didn't end up having to bring the kids back early. And when he told her he could keep them for his whole week she lost it sent him an email saying that she wanted a phone call from SD. She apparently thinks that the kids should be contacting each parent every 2 days because that is healthy. SO and I couldn't disagree more... these kids have constantly had her making efforts to but into his time every 2 or 3 days or trying to get him to call or trying to engage in conversation every 2 to 3 days... SO feels that his kids have not had the emotional detachment they should in order to understand their parents are no longer together. I completely agree with him. This is the same woman who got the idea in SD6's head that we should all do "family days" together. It took him almost a year to finally get her to agree to letting him have his kids for more then 3 or 5 days at a time. Oh except for when she had a bf then he could keep them for up to 2 weeks. Anyways does anyone else see this as overkill?
I will tell you that I think
I will tell you that I think that what you are experiencing is excessive. The BM to my skids would text or call every few hours, especially when I first came on the scene. It slowed down, but she could never leave my DH's visitation alone. It is my opinion, and others may disagree, that this is a form of alienating the children from your SO. The children never learn to allow your SO to be the parent. The BM is always intruding and always diverting their attention away from him. I think it is a dangerous game the BM is playing...being further down that road, it just leads to heartache, hurt and a lot of fighting. Your DH will tire of it but because he has allowed it to go on, then he will be seen as the problem when he tries to put boundaries to stop the BM from interfering with the visitation.
So my opinion is that you both get the BM out of your visitation time and make sure that your family unit is protected from her intrusions!!!
She is more doing it when
She is more doing it when they are with her which is the weird part it just started a few weeks ago and he does not agree with it at all. He did let SD6 and SS2 voice message BM at 5 days... because I know he would like to hear from them once or twice while he has to be away at work 2 weeks at a time. He is hoping it was just weird phase and this work session if she does it again he is going to say something. We agree though it is completely alienation and he does not feel he should be reminding SD to message her mom every 2 days.
Honestly with us BM will call
Honestly with us BM will call either every night or some point during the day to check on how SS is doing. DH typically doesn't answer until evening though. When he is offshore he will call everyday/every other day depending on service to check on how SS is doing at school (ask SS not BM) and just tell him he misses him.
I see no issue with this especially as at least the calling from DH is something happened before the divorce as DH has worked offshore for 8 years now and would call more often to also semi-communicate with BM (he said it was always fighting). It can get annoying when BM calls but like I said DH will say you can him goodnight but we are busy right now and pretty much shut her down.
We don't get SS to call BM though unless he got in trouble at school - DH feels like this is something that should be communicated and typically he gets SS to tell BM what happened and if there is a change he will notify her (the teacher frequently emails DH).
I understand that because it
I understand that because it happened previously but that has never happened before with these kids. Not to mention SD almost gets anxious on exchange days like obsessive, again becausw those kiss arent used to that. She will wake up on the exchange day and ask about every half hour to every hour what time it is and when she is seeing her mom. I can just see that being the same case with voxing. She is already having stress issues at school to me it just seems like another way BM can somehow be part of the new family we are starting. All of these family meeting efforts and contact efforts started when she found out we were expecting.