Visiting Stepkids... own rooms or not?
Forums:
I have 2 kids, my H has 3 that live with their BM (SD15, SD13, SS7). BM decided kids are moving with us this past June. We were living in a 3-bedroom apt & by Sept bought a 5 bedroom house that can be converted into 6 bedrooms (so everyone gets their own room). The day AFTER we got the keys to the house, the BM decided to take the 3 kids back.
Custody court date is soon approaching so we'll know whether or not we get the kids back.
IF WE DO: house will be converted into 6 bedrooms.
IF WE DON'T: I want to make different use of the space. H wants to still give everyone their own room... I say make a guest room that can accommodate them whenever they visit.
What's the best thing to do? (did I mention the SD15 wants to stay with her BM?)
My dh and I purchased a 2
My dh and I purchased a 2 bdrm home in June. I have my BS9 FT and his skid schedule is EOWE and 2 hours every Wedn. Since my dh pays such a hefty amount of CS it was really all we could afford, until CS is done anyway.
But when skid does come over he will be utilizing an air mattress in the living room or family room to sleep. I personally do not see the need for a skid to have their own room if they are rarely there. Alot of times the NCP can't afford the upgrade in living space due to money issues etc and I believe that there is no reason why skids that are rarely their need their own room, they can either have a futton etc somewhere or share a room.
But if they are there for more than that; then they can either share a room with someone of the same sex or have their own room if possible.
I would make the 2 SD's share
I would make the 2 SD's share a room for sure but I think that if you can keep one of those rooms as a whatever you want room -office, guest, crafts- you should.
The steps should be able to feel like your home is their home too. I think sticking all 3 in the same room when you have the space is kind of wrong. It is one thing when you literally don't have the space but you do.
Oh hell yeh! I remember the
Oh hell yeh! I remember the old days too and damn, did we have fun!! There were 6 of us growing up - 5 girls and 1 boy. We had 2 girls sharing a room and our bro' had his own room. Us girls bonded so much throghout these years - we would also end up with our bro in our room 'cos he didn't want to be by himself.
Same when we had relo's over - girls in one room and boys in another. Looking back, it was the maddest time ever - complete and utter chaos and I miss it big time!!
Now, if I had my way, we would do it like the old days - but, times change and kids are different now (meaning, more spoilt and entitled). Currently, at our house, skids have one room each and my BS has his room.
However, SD has chosen to stay away and isn't visiting us any more. It's been more than 6 weeks. So, we will either turn her room into a guest room or a study. Leaving a room sitting empty is bad vibes and DH agrees with me, that it shouldn't be just sitting there in limbo, waiting for SD's attitude to change.
You and your husband only
You and your husband only bought this house thinking you would have all the children and this house would allow each of the to have their own rooms. I understand your husband still wanting this to happen. I get your feelings to. But, is it worth fighting with your dh over this. If you really want a spare guest room, or whatever, them get the girls to share. Your two if they are the same sex could share to. Or if one is a boy, he could share with your ss and free up another room. But you do need to remember why your husband committed to buying this house in the firstplace.
Full time residents get
Full time residents get priority. If his kids are not resident, they get what makes the most sense for the overall situation.
IMHO of course.
Damn, that's so sad when you
Damn, that's so sad when you consider that there are so many kids out there who go without food, water and comfort. There are 5 year old kids found in rubbish tips looking for food in some countries. Then you read about kids who have every gadget known to man - but for those kids who have TWO of everything? What kind of lesson is your DW teaching them? It is just so damned pathetic.
This is what always happens
This is what always happens when the parent or parents hate the other spouse, or worse each other, more than they love their kids.
Each parent trying to get the kids to "like me" better. The kids end up the biggest losers in this. The parent or parents doing it, tell themselves it's love, I love my kids. It's not, it's out and out selfishness, not done out of love for the kids, but out of hate for the partner.
I'd imagine very soon yiour kids will start refusing to werahose crappy clothes to school. She is embarrassing her children and making fools out of then to get at you. Leave it, say nothing, change their clothes and take them home in the crapoy ones. But if you are dropping them off at school. Then perhaps you could treat then a little more kindly bye topping them of in inexpensive clothes that you can afford to lose and putting the crappy ones in their bags. Without making a big deal of it with the kids. They will know why, you don't have to tell them they look terrible. But of course, losing two sets of clothes every fortnight, is probably an expense most people could well do without.
I feel sorry for your poor kids. It's awful that she does that.
However, back on track with this thread. The father in this case committed to buying a very large house with his partner so that all the kids could have their own rooms. Now the BM has changed her mind and us looking at keeping the kids. The new wife has now changed her mind and doesn't wNt them having a room each because they won't be there full time. This poor dad. I feel terrible for him. He sure can pich them. The house and commitment were made by him so ALL kids had their own room. She should stick to the agreement or sell it and stay in the small house or one similar.
Thanks for the feedback
Thanks for the feedback everyone.
The BM definitely prefers to make decisions so the kids like her more than their BD. To her it's a competition. To him, he just wants what's best for the children. With as many deadbeat dads there are out there, you'd think someone appreciate they have a man stepping up to raise his children. (damned if you do, damned if you don't I guess.)
BM has begun her nasty tricks since they have a custody hearing coming up soon and the eldest SD is in on it. With that said, we've agreed that SS gets the existing room & the 2 SDs share the bigger room. This eliminates the need to create 2 separate rooms for now. H suggested it because he feels his 2 daughters have to earn their right to privacy, especially after the ruckus they're causing.
In reality, we want a peaceful house. Leave the BM drama behind. If the kids live with us they would have it better BUT if it doesn't work out that way our place is still theirs.
It's tough all around. It affects everyone - H, his kids, BM, me, my daughter... It's a shame situations like this even occur.
I think it depends on the
I think it depends on the schedule. All kids should have a bed to sleep in.... sharing of beds for EOWE custody seems a bit much. Some schedules have kids go a whole summer at noncustodial parents house--- I think then it is more reasonable for them to need their own room. That is three months a year, plus two weekends a month- almost makes more time there than at "home" if you factor in school. to each their own, but I def think bunk beds or something