Is this how all 9 year old girls are???

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I have two bio kids my son is 16 and my daughter 9 months and have a 9 year old SD. I have to ask if this is normal behavior of a 9 year old girl and if that's what I'm in for as my little one gets older. I honestly don't know if this is how young girls act because I raised a boy and he never acted in this way. I honestly have to say that I find this behavior completely irritating and seem to be trying to spend less time around SD by keeping myself busy when she's around. Examples of things she does, whenever SO is around she talks in a baby voice and repeats I love you daddy every 10 minutes, she is always climbing all over him, anytime she is around and she sees me an her dad sitting together she tries to get in between us even when walking if she's behind me and I happen to have some space between me and dad she speeds up and practically knocks me out of the way to get to walk next to dad and hold his hand. She interrupt all conversations we have within her ear shot to give her opinion, she has to be the center of attention at all times and does whatever she can to divert attention to her direction but not in a negative way. She always says things like could you resist this face when letting myself or others know she'll be asking her dad for something or how tiny and cute she is or how she is the smartest kid she knows. She always has to agree with dad and changes her opinion back and forth until she gets dads then that becomes hers, corrects me constantly even when she's incorrect she will never admit to something she's done wrong even if I saw it with my own eyes also also whenever she has done something like knock into me to get to dad and I try and make a joke out of it like hey slow down you almost knocked me into next week she just says ehh or she was trying to be mean to my son in front of a few friends daughters we had over my son knew better than to engage but when I told her she wasn't being very nice and she would not like to be treated that way by him her response was well I'm only 9 I told her being 9 isn't an excuse for being mean and she should apologize her response ehhh. I know this was a very long rant but I must know if this is typical because SO and his family are always saying how absolutely perfect she is to her and others and I'm wondering is it me???

Ps there is so much more I

Ps there is so much more I could have filled pages... I guess I just want peoples opinions on wether it's normal or I don't have the proper tolerance level to not find it so annoying. Also if anyone thinks it has anything to do with her parents not being together they have never been ” together”

I wish I could find a support

I wish I could find a support group for annoyed step moms. I hear you and get your frustrations, I have a 11 yo step daughter and 9 yo step son. I cant stand either of them. The girl is so full of herself its sickening and lies constantly. She tells her mother I am abusive to her, I guess if you call not liking her abusive then I am guilty. Unfortunately my husband has full custody of both of them because the mother is a lazy good for nothing that dosnt work and sits on her ass all day collecting disability for depression. The daughter tells her mom I abuse her, so the mother who is supposed to be paying child support that my husband has not seen a dime of in 2 years, is actually taking my husband to court for full custody because of my so called abuse. My husband tells me if he looses custody of his kids it is all my fault. I resent this whole situation and being brought into it in the first place. His kids are ruining my marriage and I am considering getting out. His daughter is spoiled rotten, she does nothing but sit on her butt and expect to have things handed to her and to be catered to. On top of lying, she is a mean bully and has no friends. When she does make a friend it does not last because she is controlling and mean. She has a sense of entitlement unlike any kid I have ever met. The boy is a sissy who constantly whines and hovers over his father. I feel like I get no time with my husband because they are constantly there, I resort to hibernating to my bedroom when they are around because I cant stomach them. I resent the mother for not having to deal with her own children because she is so depressed and then having the nerve to call me abusive when she doesn't even care for her kids. The only reason she is going for custody is to get money out of my husband, she has no interest in these kids whatsoever. I never thought I could actually hate children and am ashamed to admit it.

And your step daughters

And your step daughters behavior is not normal, she sounds like a brat and it would drive me up a f...ing wall. I am tired of people telling me "well there just kids". Well I am human and I get annoyed, age is not a factor. I dont know how you deal with what your step daughter is doing, I feel for you.

^^^^^ I agree with this! I

^^^^^ I agree with this!

I have been having the same problem since my SD was 4 and she is now almost 13 years old. At first I thought it was just because she was young. I think it would have been worse if I wasn't such a stickler for manners. Some of the articles that I read related to this issue were also about "child-centered marriage" and "attention-seeking behavior". I brought this up with My DH but he got really defensive, so now I'm letting him handle her and it has not improved.

IMHO.....I think this type of behavior is rooted in jealousy. In my SD's case, she is jealous of me, but I recently realized she is also jealous of a lot of people. I think is unfortunate my DH doesn't see how bad it really is and how worse it could get.

It's not normal. It IS common

It's not normal.

It IS common especially for girls from "broken homes" that have been allowed miniwife status also known as A.S.S. (adult spousal status) by their biodad and/or the BM. The father in particular is sometimes "oddly flattered" by the fawning, unwavering attention of his daughter. This behaviour is either unwittingly or even knowingly condoned by biodad via his actions or his words. It can digress into "emotional incest" as well.

There are plenty of posts/blogs on this site about it.

I have seen other posts on

I have seen other posts on being a mini wife I absolutely believe that's one of her issues I do sometimes feel she's jealous of anything her dad pays attention to other than her including our BD. SO sees nothing wrong with her behavior he thinks she just talks to much & I honestly feel him & his family feed the behavior by constantly putting her on a pedestal. They blatantly know she's making up stories or lying about something just to hear herself talk and everyone just goes along with it... Drives me crazy. I guess the whole thing is I don't want her to influence my BD and I don't know how to keep that from happening. Or how to deal more effectively with these behaviors. It's gotten so bad that I can barley tolerate sitting at the dinner table with her watching her ridiculous behavior getting daddy to practically feed her because she always has some excuse as to why she doesn't want to eat ughhh

I have seen other posts on

O dear.She is a smart ass,

O dear.She is a smart ass, manipulative kid, who knows exactly what she is doing.A classic mini wife.More than likely it is nothing you can blame her for and chances are that at least one parent allowed her to become like she is .In my case it was Ex SD's dad who felt the need to treat his brat for years like a princess =probably to raise his own self value and to feel needed and wanted after his marriage break up.Voila! He created a spoiled and unlikable kid- just like your SD!!
As you obeserved right, Dad and the family is to blame for this by putting that kid on a predestial.I have sadly no good advice other than saying I understand your frustration and know where you are coming from.My now ex SO changed a few things around with SD qwhen we were still together but generally speaking would still defend her behaviour and throw me under the bus if it was about her.So I walked away.But this is my story only.

I am with you on this one. I

I am with you on this one. I also walked, never looked back. My ex step daughter fits the description perfectly, I thought the author was writing about my ex’s daughter, she is also 9. Her daddy’s excuse always was she is only 9, she is still a child and I am an adult and I should know better.

Thanks ladies at least I know

Thanks ladies at least I know it's not my imagination... I guess I just have to figure out how to deal with it and keep the ridiculous behavior from becoming an influence on my little one

"As for the "baby voice", as

"As for the "baby voice", as frustrating as that is, it's normal for girls,"

I know as a girl that had I or my sister ever approached my parents with a "baby voice" or "baby talk" we would have been swiftly corrected. We didn't even THINK about doing that as my parents expected we speak properly, normally and the "Queen's English" so to speak.

Neither of my bios did this either. It was simply not done. Now, on the other hand, when "parents" see their children as little dress up dolls and all "cutesy wootsey-pinchy cheeks" then that is when I see children trying the baby talk/baby voice angle.

In my case, both the BM and Guilty Daddy are what you would call "child-centric" and believe in a "brat-ocracy." They view their children as mere dress up dolls and/or pets. The baby voice/baby talk crap was ENCOURAGED by them. YSS(at the time STB 7) was still talking baby talk to get his way with daddykins and it WORKED!

I'm really curious about

I'm really curious about mini-wife syndrome and adult spousal status...not finding much 'official' information on this when I Google. In fact most returns are from step-talk or other step parenting sites lol. Anyone have a term for this that would get me some psychological profile type info?? I think SD7 is exhibiting a lot of the traits I've read about, very curious to read more on the dynamic and how to cut it off before it gets worse.

Yeah I guess it's not getting

Yeah I guess it's not getting the attention it should especially in relation to step parenting. But on thinking about this I realised you see this same dynamic in non-step families at times. Think "Daddy's little girl" where mom gets left out in the cold. I've seen that a few times, and not to the benefit of the child. No kid should feel that level of entitlement to run a family, it's not healthy. I guess in a step relationship you're set up for this even more than in a nuclear family? Thanks, this should be interesting reading!

And good luck to the OP I've raised two girls, grown now, and no this ISN'T NORMAL or healthy!

Ooo Thanks! Googled

Ooo Thanks! Googled "emotional incest" + divorce, seems to bring up some stuff worth reading

I've spent a lot of time

I've spent a lot of time researching the whole child centric thing - now *I* know a lot about it, and how unhealthy it is for both the children AND the marriage long term, getting the DH OH to see it on the other hand....

Oh - and to the OP - my SD is now 13.... and STILL exhibits ALL the behaviours yours does, because Daddy thinks it's cute and wonderful that his baby girl is still his baby girl....

Mind you, this same "baby girl" also asks him pointed "off" questions, always with *that* tone - such as "dadddddyyyyyy what's a wet dream?" or my personal favourite, asked about 4 times "daddddyyyyyy, what's a virgin?" After the fourth time I told her she must have a really bad memory because she had asked that question of her "dadddyyyyy" soooo many times... And Dadddy thinks his widdle princess is an innocent....

FML

Ooohhh - AND - sorry just

Ooohhh - AND - sorry just re-read your OP - and - on his fathers day card - in amongst the hundred's of "I love you Daddy"'s she actually said "daddy I love you so much I would die for you"

*I* nearly died reading it. SO SO wrong.

My 9BD is extremely jealous,

My 9BD is extremely jealous, she doesn't really talk baby talk but she wants to sit between us, gets jealous when we hold hands etc. If he says he loves me she asks if we love her too. She's a needy child. We give her a healthy amount of attention, she's just acting out. Her therapist says she regressed a bit with the new relationship and she will grow out of it. We do not cater to her behavior and she has consequences for acting like that. Not only is it extremely annoying, it's inappropriate for her to behave in that manner.

My SD8 is exactly the same

My SD8 is exactly the same way. She thinks she's an adult and deserves adult status.

I too come home late so she's sleeping and I don't have to deal with her. Whatever gets us through the day.

I guess so many people are in

I guess so many people are in my shoes. Unfortunately my SO doesn't see it and is beyond defensive when anything is said about his perfect child. So much of what everyone has mentioned in this thread she does, like listening at doors, asking who cooked what if she sees dad in kitchen so she can make comments about what I made even though I actually made it all dad only helped prepare and it's rare that he ever cooks she still always has to ask so she can make sure if dad made something she can fawn all over it. She makes me feel uncomfortable but I could never say this to SO by doing things I feel strange like sneaking around quietly and peaking into rooms without saying a word and then just sneaking back off, she walks into our room in the morning with out knocking and just stands at the foot of the bed until I get up the second I get up my spot becomes hers and she doesn't move when I come back basically I'm booted. One time I fell asleep on sofa with the baby and when I opened my eyes she's just sitting on the ottoman staring at me I said good morning why are you sitting there watching me sleep she mumbled something under her breath and stomped off I found it really creepy. There is also a sneaking suspicion I have that about her emotions that seem fake, if I'm upset about something even if she was just fine all of a sudden she's crying but it seems so fake and there are no tears but the second SO is gone she's singing and dancing around the house. There has been times where she's perfectly fine one minute and tearless crying the next and this is always when the focus of attention is not on her. She is extremely jealous of attention people give to our bio daughter and any conversation the adults have regarding BD always has to be steered in the direction of when I was a baby by DS. It has all gotten to be so irritating I honestly don't know if I can bite my tongue any longer. I'm really starting to have quite negative feelings towards her because of behavior and SO for being so blind and overly defensive. I have tried to somewhat disengage because even though SO says he wants me to act like her mom he clearly means do all the grunt work and entertain her but that's it no actual parenting allowed, fine by me!! Like I said I just don't want my BD imitating her behavior as she gets older, honestly I try to keep them apart as much as possible... I know, so mature right lol. I guess sometimes I find myself sinking to their level of behavior when obviously nothing else seems to work.

OK - the first thing you have

OK - the first thing you have to deal with is her being in your bedroom and getting in to your bed.

Nip that in the bed RIGHT now.

Let her AND your OH know that is not acceptable to you, and she is NOT to enter the room without knocking - that is adult space.

If either of them have a problem with it explain that is where you and he get naughty and the thought of her laying in your bed - on the wet spot even (get dirty if you have to honey - I did ) creeps you out. You are finding it hard to relax and enjoy "couple time" when you have the image in your head of his daughter in your bed etc.

Lay it on thick.

And if that doesn't work, a few well place "accidentally left out" negligees/toys will.

If you can't click on the

If you can't click on the link below, copy & paste it into your web browser..

http://goodmenproject.com/families/youre-not-your-daughters-handsome-pri...

Then print it out and give it to your SO. If he doesn't kerb her behaviour now, he's in danger of raising an emotionally stunted child.

I remember a few years ago

I remember a few years ago SDthen 9 acted this EXACT same way...

Constant "I love you daaaaaaadddddyyyyyyyyy"- drove me bananas. We'd be at my inlaws and all the kids would be playing, she'd come upstairs, wait for all adults conversation to stop then lay it on thick. MIL thought it was adorable and reinforced the behaviour.

We were at a friends house one day and my gf's one year old climbed onto my DH's lap for a cuddle, SD hissed, actually hissed and said "my daaaaddddyyyyyyy" at the baby. My head almost snapped when I spun around. Both DH and SD giggled and said, "joking"...

FIREWORKS happened when we left. He initially got super defensive and said that she was feeling insecure and it was a joke... HELL NO. He eventually got it and that kind of stupid is no longer tolerated.

The problem is now she's 14 and thinks she is the center of the universe. She will actually walk into a room and announce, "I'm like, HERE!!" MIL still pretends to roll out a red carpet and bestow a crown... :sick: SD has come over 4x this year. All MIL is teaching her is that when she does decide to show up, the world WILL stop.

Nip that sh!t in the bud now. I ignore the behaviour since I no longer care how she acts or how she grows up. I only have to deal a few times a year- If I had to spend more time, I may stick a fork in my eye. I no longer have her around any of my family or friends nor will I. I can't imagine if we had a Biokid to worry about...

Oh my God. This is exactly

Oh my God. This is exactly what i'm scared is going to happen in the future! SD8 is exactly how you described but worse. She has the be the center of the universe or else get ready for the nastiest tantrum known to man.

SD8 lives with us 100% of the time. She has made up lies about me to get me into trouble with the in laws and sadly, it worked. They all hate me now but i'm over that now. But I don't trust SD anymore and refuse to be alone with her ever! Self-preservation!

DH and I do plan on having kids together down the road so i'm sure it'll be hell. I wish DH was a jerk so I wouldn't feel guilty about leaving him.

I haven't been on here in a

I haven't been on here in a while, I wish I could say it gets easier not my problem anymore but it doesn't. My step daughter has only gotten worse and does her best to make sure I feel uncomfortable and unwelcome in my own home through her strange and creepy behavior and to boot we have her 24/7

Oh my. I just looked up what

Oh my. I just looked up what mini-wife means and couldn't believe how accurate it was to my SD12, who I've been dealing with since she was 8. Barf. I've become hypersensitive to everything she does. I would do almost anything to help her life and development, but only if she's not around! Lol. I now can't stand the sight or sound of her. I'm getting turned off by my SO when I see him tolerating her behaviors. We are even in therapy. During summer we have her and his 14 yo son 50% of the time, and during school we have them only every other weekend. I was hoping I would be able to deal with her better as time went on, but it seems like there's no hope for my feelings toward her!

Oh my. I just looked up what

Well uve got alot of

Well uve got alot of comisseration.... ur nnnnoooootttt alone.

You are here

Is this how all 9 year old girls are???