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Disengaging

loveandfitness's picture

Submitted by loveandfitness on Mon, 10/14/2013 - 2:12pm

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Parenting Issues

I've read a lot on here about people "disengaging" w/ their skids. It seems to be something I should genuinely consider... and possibly some of it I already do.
How does this work exactly?
Is it something I should inform my FH I am doing?

loveandfitness's picture

Submitted by loveandfitness on Mon, 10/14/2013 - 2:19pm

also... will disengaging from FSS8 effect FH and our BS2. (visitation with FSS8 is every other weekend and 6 wks in summer)

loveandfitness's picture

Submitted by loveandfitness on Mon, 10/14/2013 - 3:16pm

Makes sense that I shouldn't tell him. So what do I tell him when he starts to ask "Why are you acting like that?" I'm already the evil step mother as far as his family is concerned (although they are annoyingly passive-aggressive when it comes to shoving in their two cents), FH is usually more sympathetic, but I don't want to make matters worse either.

HandOverMyMouth's picture

Submitted by HandOverMyMouth on Mon, 10/21/2013 - 4:28pm

My FI noticed IMMEDIATELY when I started disengaging recently:

"You havent said a word to them all day other than 'hello'." Yeah, because I have nothing nice to say about how they've been acting, and you get mad when I critique them.

"It's like you're avoiding us." No, what I'm doing is isolating *myself*; saving my sanity AND keeping me from saying something you wouldnt like.

"These are OUR kids; I need your backup." No, no, no, no: they are not 'our' kids until you give me authority to parent them, which you wont. And 'backup'? You mean come enforce rules FOR you because you wont?

When he first asked, those were the more blunt version of answers I gave...he still didnt get it.

Now, when he asks me questions such as above, I repeat myself over and over: "Until you give me authority to parent, I'm just a tenant here. I have nothing to say right now."

That Guy In Vegas's picture

Submitted by That Guy In Vegas on Fri, 10/25/2013 - 4:11pm

I've been trying this "disengaging" thing & its not working for me. lol I have a hard time ignoring issues & situations. And i certainly have a hard time allowing kids or adults getting away with foolishness around me, while trying to keep quiet & seeing if someone else will step up to the plate & correct the issues. I tip my hat to those of you who've mastered this ability. I'd much rather go separate ways than settle for this. However, im really really trying this approach & have been doing so over the last week & I'm finding it difficult. lol

How do you ignore things that bother you inside your own household. Anything outside of my home i can turn an eye & ignore it. But inside my home is a different ballgame. We all need to move as a unit & have an understanding of some type. lol :jawdrop: