XW was invited to a family event over me- AGAIN
FDH's close cousin and also Best friend passed away 5 years ago. Over the weekend there was a 5 year memorial BBQ planned by his brother (FDH's other cousin whom we are friends with as well) to celebrate his life. There was a big facebook invite that everyone got and was invited to except for me. FDH never brought it up, so I didn't either- I was interested to see if he would just spring this on me. FDH never responded to the invite so his cousin called him and asked him to come and bring food......FDH said who did you all invite?? He said all of his FB friends- FDH said did you invite my XW????? He said yes :jawdrop: I knew thats why I was excluded, they invited her instead.
His cousin (the host) lives with XW's old friend (they were all friends like 20 years ago) so FDH figured XW was invited when he found out they were having it at the house. FDH refused to go and said If they have to be around each other for an event bc of the kids or grandkids that is one thing, he said he shouldn't have to be around her at his own family events- he can't stand her. His cousin said he understood.......Then called him after the BBQ and said she only stayed for 20 min, ate and left and he should have been there.... :?
Then FMIL was giving FDH the 3rd degree on why he wouldn't go and refused to understand......
WHAT DO THESE PEOPLE NOT GET ABOUT A DIVORCE?????? WILL XW ALWAYS BE INVITED TO SHIT OVER ME???
How am I supposed to accept these people as my future family when I will always be the outsider, the one always left out? How am I supposed to "get over" the fact that FDH and I are together but she is invited to events over me. SHE IS NO LONGER IN THE FAMILY
What I don't understand is, they all hated her. XW is a bitch. She was a bitch to his family and a bitch to FDH. Now FDH is getting married, all the sudden this bitch is "part of the family again??????"
FDH stood by me and didn't go. i'm just sick of the never ending drama and bullshit. What gives?
"WHAT DO THESE PEOPLE NOT GET
"WHAT DO THESE PEOPLE NOT GET ABOUT A DIVORCE?????? WILL XW ALWAYS BE INVITED TO SHIT OVER ME??? "
Uh, yes... yes she will. At least that's my reality. We have nothing to do with dh's family because of this. We had to disengage from them. MIL still has bm over for bbqs monthly and has pictures of her hanging on her walls. It's sick.
That's my reality too. I
That's my reality too. I don't really speak to my in-laws anymore unless I am at their house for a holiday or something. No calls, no texts, no visits, nothing. It's sad it has come to that. I had higher hopes. But what can you do.
I have accepted that even though they all bad-mouth BM and claim to hate her, they will always choose her over me. MIL and SIL even went to visit her in the hospital after she had her last baby. Totally inappropriate crap.
I'm glad your DH stood by you and did not go to the event. How rude of his family to make it so he does not feel comfortable attending his own FAMILY functions. That's just ridiculous.
I'm in the same boat as you.
I'm in the same boat as you. In-laws HATED BM. They spoke very poorly of her when DH and I started dating. Now all of a sudden, DH and I are married and BM is the "end all be all". She gets invited to ALL family events and DH and I are not invited. Hence, we have 3 years with no relationship with his family and they are not welcome in my home either. It is VERY hurtful, so I know EXACTLY how you feel. I am no longer hurt by it though, I have come to the conclusion that people gravitate towards their own kind. BM is a dirty, low level, piece of shit, as are my in-laws. Sometimes I look at my DH and wonder how the hell HE came from THAT. Now I just thank my lucky stars that I have no involvement whatsoever with those people, they aren't worthy of me or my amazing family.
It IS hard to understand, I'm
It IS hard to understand, I'm getting to the place where it is whatever. I can't change them and there's obviously nothing I can do about it. But it does hurt- so I'm not there yet
The thing is, Last year his family did this, I was invited to a girls family event. They cancelled the event, changed the date and didn't invite me to the rescheduled event, they invited XW instead. I was super hurt. FDH called and said something and it started huge drama and my relationships with the family are on the mend but definitely not the same. I refuse to get close to people who just turn around and stab me in the back.
They invited FDH and not me- obviously we are together and go to things together so why invite him and XW and exclude me? Now FDH looks petty for not going and I get the blame for for it because they don't believe FDH would make that decision to not go? :?
It's just all fucked up- sickening
Wow that's so evil and wicked
Wow that's so evil and wicked and clearly done with the intent to hurt you. Your DH deserves a HUGE hug and lots of credit for standing up for his marriage. It wasn't about YOU. It was about him knowing that YOU are part of HIS life and if THEY can't or won't include you, he will not be a pawn in their game. That deserves all the accolades in the world. My DH didn't stand up for me YEARS. WHich is why things reached the level they did. By the time he decided to put his foot down, the damage was irreparable.
He tried to play the what
He tried to play the what can I do card and he knew I was so upset so he called but he said "goincrazy is upset bc........" So he essentially threw me under the bus and didn't say HE was upset which he was. That is why I continue to get the blame for FDH's decisions that go against his XW and his family get togethers. YEs he did stand up for me, he could have dealt with it a totally different way. He ended up fueling the fire and setting up more hate towards me by how he worded it. He didn't even get to say what he wanted bc they hung up on him and accused him of always picking his girlfriends over his blood family...........
So I kinda feel you on some of the damage is irreparable. FDH is getting it though- I didn't have to say anything this time. This one was on him.
Jesus, what is it with these
Jesus, what is it with these men? They are like SO STUPID! "goingrazy is upset???" I would've killed him. It comes so naturally to me to defend my husband. I would never let anyone shit on him. The fact that they struggle with defending us against their wicked families really makes me wonder.
yup- I was furious!!! I
yup- I was furious!!! I wasn't even happy that he "stuck up" for me because of how he did it. He made it worse. They just don't think :?
I agree, hug FDH for standing
I agree, hug FDH for standing up for you! Our first Christmas together at DH's family included a prominently displayed photo of him & his ex (who is not the BM) as you walk in the door. I was appalled, and DH just dismissed it "they can do as they wish". Their explanation - she's still family (in spite of everyone knowing she was a thief, etc). Then the next year when everyone was given a photo album with photos of her in it, the "oh, she's family" crap again. But there were no photos of me in there. So I feel for you, you aren't alone. But if your FDH is standing up for you, you're way ahead of the game. Hopefully they will change their attitude and see what they're doing, since your FDH is making a stand.
You should give DH a big hug.
You should give DH a big hug. That's a good man for standing up for you. These people have shown you who they are, believe them, and ignore them. You don't have to have a relationship with them and for the better too. You don't need these toxic people in life.
I feel your pain. XW is
I feel your pain. XW is invited by DH's family for Thanksgiving, not us. It totally upsets DH. I don't care, they made their choice, they can have her. DH and I have a life without them, and it's better then any of them realize. XW thinks she's won. If that's the type of people they are, they all deserve one another. It's their loss.
Same thing here. I have
Same thing here. I have never been accepted by DH's family. Long story with my SD and BM. I do not include them in our lives. DH talks to his Dad once in awhile, but he has written off his mom for many reasons. She hating me is just one of them.
Now we know that BM is planning a trip to his hometown a place she never lived and all of their friends are his and his family...I see drama in my future. Did tell DH last night if his family met with BM, I am done and they will never be forgiven for that....
I could maybe see the cousin
I could maybe see the cousin who is living with a friend of ex-wife inviting his live-ins friend (your dh2b's ex), not because ex-wife is 'family' but because the co-host and the ex-wife are friends. Then leaving it up to your DH2b and the ex-wife if either one wants to attend. But what's up with not inviting you, your Dh2b's current partner and wife2b? That was just rude.
But other family events and dinners? Why would your in-laws2b invite BM their son's ex-wife to Thanksgiving dinner? A family event where their son would be the expected guest. That's just weird. I could see them inviting the ex-DIL over for a normal evening dinner/bbq occasionally when it's just them if they all get along and say they want to have her and their grandkid over on a small informal scale. But who invites exfamily and omits their own son and his to2be wife?