Because presumably her kids also have DH's last name. This isn't really a complicated issue .. she doesn't want to lose the name connection with her existing children. I doubt it has anything to do with your DH.

Our BM still has DH's last name. She told the skids she got remarried, but to our knowledge, has not changed her name. Now that she's pregnant, I assume a change of some sort will be coming .. likely similar to your BM; hyphenating her existing name and her new married name.

because her kids have that last name? i don't know anything about your story or if she really carries a torch for your dh or not...but i'd bet that's what she's telling herself and others about why she's keeping it. that or she's a professional and has made a name for herself?

I considered doing that myself. It was so that my kids didn't feel like they were losing me as mom. However my exH actually found a way to use the last name I had for 10 years as a weapon. It is so stupid that I gave it up. Now, even though my name is changed to DH's he will send all corespondance to Mrs. New name, formerly MRS. OLD NAME.

Just like that, formerly all in caps. :sick:

One of my closest friends actually hyphenated her middle name when she remarried so that she would have "some connection" to her son. I think it is a little strange. Her ex's last name is "Smith" so now her name is Jane Michelle-Smith Johnson. That way she has her HUSBANDS last name, but when she is questioned on her relation to her son (which is NEVER) she can throw her middle name in there for verification. I think it's weird. My girls have their dads last name, I have my husbands last name, and NO ONE questions it. Divorce and remarriage is FAR too common anymore for people to have issues with anything.

I'm a BM who kept my married name after the divorce for 2 reasons, my kids and my professional life. If I ever marry again I will hyphen my name for those same reasons. It has nothing to do with a connection to my ex. But to a family I love and have been part of all my adult life, and my kids who share that name, and all my professional licenses are with that name. Plus hyphenating it will be way easier to be future husbands wife in public and not worry so much on the previous name in my work life. I also share that last name with hundreds of others with the same name I've never met I don't get the big deal I could go down to the courthouse and legally change my name to anything. Be proud you get to be Mrs. non hyphened last name.

Our BM got re-married and didn't change her name because of the kids either....She seems to use both names. Because of that, I refuse to take DH's last name. I don't want anyone to think I am my SK's mom....

I never knew there were so many varying opinions on keeping/hyphenating/dumping a last name.

When I got married for the first time, I took my first DH's name. Nobody ever thought a thing about it. It didn't change my connection with my parents, who's name I no longer shared.

When my first DH passed, I STILL kept his last name (didn't go back to my maiden name) because I had been that last name for 15+ years. At the time I had 2 small children.

When I married my now-DH, I made the decision to take his last name. My kids still have their father's last name. Doesn't make them any less my kids, nor does it change the way they feel about me. Everyone who is anyone to me knows that my kids have "X" last name and I have "Y" last name. I guess, in this day and age, there are LOTS of moms who have different last names than their children (for many reasons other than just divorce/remarriage) maybe to some it's a big deal, to me personally it's not (no offense intended to others).

BM hyphenates DH's last name with her current DH's last name (she and my DH were married for less than 2 years, have been divorced for 16+ years, she's been remarried for over 10 years). There are some legal documents in which she only signs DH's last name. I'm not going to waste 5 min of my life trying to figure that out, it just is what it is because she is who she is (a nutjob).

My mother actually went back to her first.husbands name after divorcing my father.

Many people knew her as #1 last name, but.she was married to my father for more than 25 years,...
My mom only had girls, we all have completely different names,...

My mom's reasoning???

She said she just "liked" the way that last name sounded with her first name,...(admittedly it does sound good)

I am thinking its for the kids. I know if I ever got divorced I would want to keep the same last name my kids have. Nothing to go against DH or anything just to have the last name as my kids.

I get your frustration though, BM of my skids kept the last name too and for so long it bothered me. It stopped bothering me when I had my own children and realized the connection and now that skids are adults I don't care anymore if she has the last name. It helps to live far from her too so I don't have to be asked (was asked this many times when we lived closer) "Oh are you related to so and so? (ex BM). I hated explaining that she was his first wife.

I have my exH's name and we had no children together. Part of the reason I kept his name is because I had built my profession on it and continue to do so. Quite honestly, it doesn't make much difference to me one way or another. I just assumed that at some point I would remarry and would probably want to change it then. That hasn't happened, and won't, so it's a moot point.

My exH is now remarried and his current wife kept her exH's name because they had a son (who is grown.) He never once mentioned to me taking my own name back and "giving" him back his. If he had, I would have told him what I do with my legal name is my business. He actually doesn't mind, since my profession is one where my/his name is seen in print/on screen. So I think he likes that part of it ... I once joked and told him that no matter what others in his family may think of me, I certainly have done good things with their family name attached to it! He laughed and agreed. What his current wife thinks of it, I have no idea and don't really care. She may not like seeing me using his name, but tough. She doesn't use it, either.

From an etiquette (albeit old-fashioned) perspective, I can still be "Mrs. Susie Smith" for the rest of my life if I choose. I cannot, however, be "Mrs. Fred Smith" since I am divorced from him.

My current SO's ex legally changed her name back to her maiden name before they were even officially divorced, but they have two (grown) kids who have my SO's last name.

I guess you see all kinds of iterations of names today. Unless someone is misrepresenting themselves by using it, it's just something to let go of and move away from.

My BM said that she wanted to change back to her maiden name honestly I don't know if she has as she has always flip-flopped between DH's and her maiden as her eldest son is has her maiden last name. It disgust me and we are in a small town. However I was always known as my maiden and told DH I didn't want to change unless we ever have a child and then I would consider it but wasn't positive. He didn't care so BM is flip-floppy and I have my maiden it really doesn't make a difference.

My DH was never married to BM so we haven't had this issue, BUT my grandparents divorced when my mom was little and my grandmother kept my grandfather's last name because that is the last name her kids had.

When DH and I got married I reluctantly changed my last name to DH's on my social security card, but still haven't on anything else. DH gets pissed about it.

I had my ex's last name longer than my maiden name, and at some point I stopped thinking of it as ex's last name and it just became my name. But I don't want to change it because it's also my bio's last name. I HATE having the same last name as DH and skids and not having the same last name as my bios.

I don't still have a torch for my ex at all. We barely speak and it's always through texts and ALWAYS about bios, maybe three times a year if even that.

When I leave DH I'll be changing my last name back to what it was. Maybe when my bios grow up and get married and my DD has her new partner's last name I'll change it to my maiden, but till then, I just want to share a last name with my bios.

When I remarried I dropped my ex's last name and took my husbands last name. Sometimes I wish that I would have hyphenated it because my daughter makes comments every once in a while that she's the only one on the house that has "****" as a last name. I really just didn't want any connection, aside from our daughter of course, to my ex husband.

Lol. I admit it used to bother me that BM kept DH last name then I realize it probably pissed her off more to share it with me than it did me with her. About 3 years ago (yr 8 post divorce) she started using her maiden again. Then she tried to get the kids to use it. That pissed me off.
We don't have anything official to say otherwise (court papers are in married name) but I know she uses her maiden mostly (scratches dh name off on cheques) so if I need to write her cheques on occasion (rare) or mail anything I use DH last name. Again only because I know she hates him enough now to not want it even dyer using it or more than 8 years later. She's never corrected me and cashes them just fine.