Asking travel details to SD's wedding results in being to stay home by DH
Without going into all of the joys of being a stepmom :sick: I just want to see if you have learned what I have recently learned. Last night I asked my dh our travel details to the oldest sd's wedding that is just shy of two weeks away. DH stated that he didn't know what time we would be leaving to head out of state to arrive at the wedding city that is over 8 hrs away. He wanted to know what difference did it make and why does it matter. I told him I was just wondering and wanted to make sure we had enough time to get to the rehearsal supper in time. One thing lead to another and he said, "just don't go because you have to complicate things". I am ok with not going since 3 of my dh's 4 kids live out of state and none of them are close to their father. I have been with my dh since 2008 and married since 2010 and I have meet the out of towners only 5 times. The one that lives close use to be ok with me until I put a stop to bm coming to my house.(Long story)I have disengaged from her for over a year since she disrespected me. Thanks to this site I only gave her the one time to crap on me.
So please tell me since when did asking about travel details complicate things? LOL
OOPS! I was meant to say was
OOPS! I was meant to say was resulted in being told to stay home. LOL
I would be hugely angry!! I
I would be hugely angry!! I likely would stay home and pamper the hell out if myself, or I would go to some place else and still pamper myself!! Lol......I think likely your husband will reconsider and guilt you into going to this wedding. So, I would take him up on his offer quick and stay the hell away.
I agree 500%. It seems so
I agree 500%. It seems so unusual to not have made plans for an 8 hour trip that is supposed to happen in 2 weeks. How are you "complicating" things by asking? I would be very hurt if my DH spoke to me like that. I would be really mad if he went without me. I agree, this was a trap. I'm not sure what I would do if I were you other than saying/asking what did I do? How am I complicating things? Then if he goes without you, I'd find a nice place to go and stay and try and have some peace and quiet.
I am glad he told me not to
I am glad he told me not to go. I know that me being there serves no purpose other than being there for dh. sueu2 and dtzyblnd thanks for the showing me the situation in another light as I didn't think about that. I just thought he was trying to punish me for telling him that I thought it odd she hasn't talked to him about the wedding except how much she needs from him and what color shirt to wear.
Dead on...read between the
Dead on...read between the lines. What he wanted to says is...it will complicate things if you go. RUN...go for it. DH's oldest son is getting married next year. He will be going on 36 years of age and been living with this girl for 6 years. It is 2000 miles one way. $1200 for travel $600 hotel. S1200 for the rehearsal dinner. DH wants to give him more money. For What? He never paid you back the over $3k he owes you...and made the statment...I know you gave me money in the pass but. DH told me I am not a supportive wife. WTF! BM is not paying shit. You move in with me after verbal donating your house to your mama.
If your DH ask you about going later,tell..NOT NO BUT HELL NO. Just my thoughts...count your blessing.
I do not plan on going to my OSS wedding. He is the oldest and worst about holding his hand out.
I would make the wedding gift
I would make the wedding gift and support of the wedding costs a card with a note forgiving the $3K loan that he will not pay anyway. The note should say that $2K of the forgiven debt is for the rehersal dinner/wedding costs and $1K is as a wedding gift. Then in the future you and DH can counter any crap by raising the point that you gave $3K toward his wedding and as a wedding gift.
}:)
I can honestly say that this
I can honestly say that this wife stays out of his life. No problems with her, the mother of his first two children. Now ex-wife #2 is the one who has the hold on him and she is mother(divorced since the late 1980's) of the daughter(28 yrs old) that I have disengaged from, but that is another story for another day. Your right he is being an asshole and I think some of it stems from me being disengaged from the sd that has poisoned the other skids. But I will just enjoy my day or rather weekend!!!!
Oh and thanks for the passive aggressive title. I can assure you it is one of many that sadly I am now seeing the longer I am in this. Oh well tomorrow is another day.
Good night all and thanks.
Obviously asking for travel
Obviously asking for travel details is not the issue. I would guess that your DH is as well aware of the lack of respect and disconnection from his children as you are and that is what his sensitivity is about.
I would suggest that you give him a hug, tell him you will be by his side and take the travel times as they come. Be happy. Be radiant. Look and feel your best. That will energize your DH for the trials and tribulations of your SD's wedding. There will undoubtedly be trials and tribulations.
The beauty of toxic blended family opposition is that they are much like cockroaches. Cockroaches run for a dark corner when a light is thrown on in a roach filled room. Your radiance will have the same effect on the toxic blended family opposition. No need to be contrary just be radiant and your DH will be proud.
My wife figured this out not too many years in to our marriage. Rather than let the SpermClan cause her to wilt she realized that living well and being happy was her best revenge so she made it a point to be t radiant any time we interfaced with the SpermClan just as she is radiant any other time. There is nothing like a happy, beautiful, radiant and successful person to give the toothless dipshits in the opposition clarity on where they rank in the relative scheme of things. For 19+ years she has kept them under their rock cringing like roaches cringing in the shadows in a bright light filled room. Our son (my SS21) has thrived with the example of his mom being happy in a strong marriage and in a successful professional career.
You may even find that a confident DH and radiant dancerk143 will even make the bride happier. No kid likes to see their father wilted in a public gathering and if they do, not wilting and happiness is again the best revenge. If your radiant attendance caused BM to wilt, so much the better.
Have fun at the wedding. Enjoy the open bar at the rehearsal dinner and at the reception. Dance with your DH, be classy and be happy.
IMHO of course.
Aw rags that was
Aw rags that was beautiful!!!!
I'd let him know that he
I'd let him know that he didn't fool you, you KNEW you would not be welcome at the wedding anyway, and he was looking for an excuse for you not to go. I'd let him know I was going to be taking a vacation while he was at the wedding and taking off my wedding ring. After all, he isn't treating you like a wife is he? It would be interesting to find out what his response would be if you said you WERE going. My bet is he would be panic-stricken, searching for any silly excuse to tell you not to go again.
Sandye21 You have a good
Sandye21
You have a good point. On the other hand, how many men do you think would not go to their kid's wedding becasue they disrespect their wife...very very few. It is a lose lose case. I went to SD's wedding becasue BM was not going to be there. This was the request of SD. Just before the wedding, we found out BM was coming to the wedding. SD had a meltdown becasue DH did not want to take a photo with BM. WTF! DH had to block BM's number becasue she was calling ALL hours of the night when she found out we were getting married. All skids were adults and they had been divorced for 16 years. This is why I am not going to OSS' wedding next year.
I agree with you, there are
I agree with you, there are few DHs who would not go to thier children's wedding. I'm not against this at all. But I do not think it is right to jump at any excuse to keep his wife from going to the wedding instead of being up front with her. I think Rag's advice is great, go and be radiant. But also have a back-up plan just in case the situation gets nasty.