The problem is, he is being her friend instead of her father and he needs to discipline her. Very common, it stems from guilt and fear, and will get worse if he doesn't learn to be a parent. She will not be able to function in the real world.

His responsibility is to teach her and prepare her for life. This includes teaching her manners, consideration for others, respect, and independence. People out in the real world are not going to bow down to her like he does, then what? He is doing her a great disservice.

It's selfish, really. He is thinking about himself and not how this is going to affect her in the long run. I know she's only 7, but read some of the adult step kid forums and you will see how this will turn out. You won't want to be around for that!

I agree, you shouldn't discipline her. You are her father's girlfriend, and that doesn't warrant discipline.

However, you need to think long and hard about your relationship with this man. Imagine things get worse with her (they rarely improve as the kid gets older) and the very, very real chance that he could become her primary, or only, parent. Never go into a relationship thinking, "it's just EOWE" because nothing in life says that won't change.

If your man isn't willing to correct and parent his child, there is nothing you can do but bang your head on the wall and go crazy. Read here...there are so many posters who have lived for years like this, caught in the 7th circle of hell with a partner who sees nothing wrong with the situation.

I totally agree with sueu2 on this. If I had a penny for every poster who writes how amazing and fantastic their partner is, despite the fact that their partner is subjecting them to stress and anxiety because he doesn't parent his children responsibly when he has visitation, I would be a millionaire. When a person has children and has custody or visitation you cannot divorce the parenting part of them from the boyfriend/husband part of them, because their parenting fundamentally affects your life with them. A good father can make a great partner, a bad Dad will always be a flawed bf or husband. A man who makes more work for you by refusing to get his children to help out is not being wonderful, a man who causes you hurt and frustration when he doesn't correct his children's behaviour towards you is not Mr Fantastic. As stepparents we would be better off if we understood early on that if the parentimg issues can't be resolved then the relationship can never be great and is seriously handicapped from the start

OP you say that "She could possibly ruin this relationship for us.". This is NOT right, your BOYFRIEND could possibly ruin this relationship for you by allowing his daughter to behave in a disruptive and spoilt fashion and ignoring your views on this issue. At that age she is a product of her parenting.

Its rather like putting the cart before the horse to say you and BF are talking about buying a house together and even discussing future children together. You openly admit you're not sure this relationship will survive, so why are you considering plunging full speed ahead?

You disapprove of his parenting style. He dislikes your style and expectations of how a parent should parent. These really aren't issues that just go away or that BF will just magically correct by changing his view. So many woman believe that when they have a child things will be different, For one, the woman thinks because she will be the parent her child will be parented totally differently with the lady in control of the parenting of this new child. It really is a fantasy. If BF doesn't agree with your parenting style he won't agree with you on raising the new child either. If he does try to give it a go with the new child your way, it will cause troubles with the SD. How will she feel watching the new child treated differently with different expectations. SD will develop an entitled obnoxious attitude, with her doing as she pleases. The new child however will resent the older 1/2 sibling who isn't disciplined and does whatever 1/2 sibling pleases. Just new areas for BF and you to disagree and fight over. Only now there's a house , a possible marriage license and a joint child in the mix.

All I'm saying is slow down, Rethink the home purchase until/unless your thoughts on the chances of this relationship are solid and stable grounds. Seriously discuss your ideas on parenting styles. Seriously listen to BF's own ideas on the subject. if it's a case of BF just needed to learn to parent his daughter and he begins to and you can see a marked attitude toward his parenting and improvement in SD's behavior because she is finally being taught to use manners and behave, perhaps then it would be the appropriate time to revisit buying houses and starting a family. Not before. This little girl isn't going away. She's 7yrs old. This is her father. She will continue to be his daughter no matter how poorly she behaves or what little parenting he does with her. If BF and you can't come to agreements on parenting styles, rules and expectations now, save yourself the headache/heartache of digger in deeper with this gentleman. No matter how 'wonderful' you think he is as a BF and potential husband, he sucks at being a father. This little girl isn't going to poof. Nothing bothers me more on this forums than when I hear 'everything would be wonderful if not for the skid'.

You should absolutely NOT gain patience for an illbehaved little shit of a kid. Ever!

You should tell your BF that you will not tolerate rude behavior from any child in your presence including his and tell him that you WILL deal with it even if he choses not to.

He has a choice, deal with it before you have to, support you, or end the relationship with you.

My wife and I had this conversation when SS-21 was going through his snarky kid phases that most kids have. She took exception to how I was disciplining SS so I gave her the message that if she did not like how I was dealing with discipline that she could step up and get it done before I had to. The last time was when SS was 14. After that she dealt with his disciplinary needs before I had to. The funny part was that after a while SS came to me and asked if I could take over the discipline again because at least with me it was apply the consequence and move on while his mom had a very long memory and made him suffer for far longer than I did.

All IMHO of course.

IMHO of course.

Your situation is very similar to mine. Your FSD sounds like my FSS and like you, I was a nanny and dealt with numerous children, so I thought the FSS thing would be fine. But sadly I too am in fear for my relationship, and have been for a while.
For me it has come to the point where I discipline in front of FH only so no stories can be made up and make sure to never find myself in a room alone with FSS. I'm in the first steps of disengaging, not sure if it will work, but it's worth the try.
My FH and I have a Son2 together, and I am constantly having to correct his behavior after a visit with FSS as he picks up all of his nasty horrible habits. FH has FINALLY noticed the bad behavior but has no idea how to go about "fixing" it.
I do have to say... if after a few months things aren't going better with FSD, maybe you should reconsider your relationship.

I could have swore that you were explaining my SD in your post above. My SD has an Attitude from HELL, she is so inconsiderate and she is so rude to her elders. A lot of MY FAMILY have gotten to where they don't like when SD's around because of her horrible outlook and attitude!!!