Does this need a response or should he just ignore?
BM sent this after she got off the phone tonight with the kids. This is the first time she has gotten to call our landline...,... Does it call for a response? Or just ignore? EVERYTHING BM says in this is complete fabrication!
"(MY BOYFRIEND ALL IN CAPS),
When I got to speak ro (12yogirl) on the phone tonight, I asked her "how was school today?" she replied by asking me if I had found out anything from the doctor yet about her foot? I replied " yes, (girl), the doctor called me yesterday and said you were cleared for PE & practice. I emailed your coach & your dad and he emailed me back saying that he had already talked to the dr. Did you not go to practice tonight?"
I just simply asked our daughter a question! Your girlfriend has no right to interfere with my conversations with our children! Nor, does she have the right to upset our children by yelling at them about things that, for one,
don't happen, two, are not their fault and if they did/do it would not be in there control!!!
I am extremely disappointed in you! I can't believe that you would allow someone to treat our children that way! They deserve much better!!!"
Then 20 min later
"(My boyfriend, now in lower case),
Part 2
I asked 2 different times to speak to you tonight, by calling the landline as well as your cell. Your girlfriend refused to allow you to speak to me. She continued to bark at (12yogirl), telling her what she and her mother could and could not speak of and whom is not allowed to speak.
This again is why there is a BREAKDOWN IN COMMUNICATION!
I am willing to speak to YOU anytime, in person or even on the phone. I have told you this before in previous emails. I am not comfortable with communicating solely through email. I do not know who is on the other end typing the emails. There has been multiple emails that you have not been made aware of or that you were not aware of the fact that "you" sent them. I only say this per our phone conversation in the morning 2 weeks ago."
The only true part of this is the the kids tried to hand off the phone to me once and their dad twice and we wouldn't take the phone. AND that HE has said mulyiple times he will not talk to her on the phone, email only.
Does this need a response? Or ignore?
Well, part of me says not to
Well, part of me says not to respond.
Another part of me wonders what involvement you had in the girl's conversation with her mother. SOMETHING spurred this email. If you were involving yourself, don't.
Yet another part tends to agree with BM... while I understand that email is preferred in many circumstances, if you've made a habit out of interfering in communications, her comment that she doesn't know who's on the other end of the email is valid.
Personally, I think you need to stay WAY out of communications between SD and her mother. I also think that your BF needs to be the one to communicate with BM, not you. If he chooses to discuss stuff with you, that's great. But as far as BM is concerned, she shouldn't be dealing with you.
So, all in all, I guess I lean toward not responding, but changing your behavior moving forward.
Yeah, I know exactly what
Yeah, I know exactly what spawned it,.... He and her were negotiating and she made an unreal extremely biased in her favor ultimatum on a topic he still wanted to negotiate and split more evenly,... this has gone on for 2 weeks and he JUST sent an email yesterday saying he is now left with no option but to let a judge decide what they no longer can,... and a hearing date will be set.....
So yeah, she is pissed because she knows that no judge is going to like that she made an unreasonable ultimatum and then said "I will not give in on this" in an email that my boyfriend has as proof. So she is lashing out in any way.
Ignore.... SO could address
Ignore.... SO could address it, if it is needed, on the next exchange day or whenever it is that he HAS to write her something about the kids. That being said it is your SO's responsibility to respond not yours, it sounds like that is what you are getting at but if its not trust me don't bother yourself with the drama.
My SO will not respond to anything BM says now unless it is a dire emergency or it an exchange day and only through email. She used to be like your BM and now that she realizes how done he is catering to it and has dropped it.
Does your CO have any
Does your CO have any stipulations regarding communication between the bio-parents?If so, the BM and your boyfriend need to stick to that. If not, a simple one line email from your boyfriend to her should state something like the following:
Please be advised that from this time forward, I would appreciate that all communication between us be through email only. In case of an emergency you can use the following numbers [list numbers].
If she refuses, argues, barks, etc. Have boyfriend send this email
Please refer to previous sent email.
Neither you nor your boyfriend should engage with this BM for any other purpose than to schedule pick-ups, drop-offs or any other major decisions that require the consent of both parents. What happens in your home and how you and your boyfriend parent these kids she has no say in. Neither can she use the children as a go-between to get to speak to you and your boyfriend.
I would apply this advice provided that your boyfriend has absolutely zero interest in co-parenting with BM on day-to-day matters.
My boyfriend has said on two
My boyfriend has said on two or three separate occasions that he will only communicate through email. Twice she caught him off guard within the last month.
First time he thought it was HIS mom on the phone and took the phone from his daughter and quickly said email me what you have to say and hung up.
The second time she called his work phone from a number he didn't recognize so he answered thinking it was work related, she screamed at him about something and he said "I have no idea what you are talking about, email me" and hung up. (He thinks this is what she is talking about when she wrote in the Part 2 email that he didn't know what she was talking about,... totally misunderstanding what he intended it to mean).
So BM is also very well aware that he will only talk through email.
Ignore but save it for
Ignore but save it for court.
There are sure to be more to follow, and they'll get harsher and crazier.
let her hang herself.
Have nothing to do with her
Don't mention it to the child.
Don't discuss it with dh around the child.
She's trying to bait you or him into crazy email or phone call exchange. don't let her win.
You are in control of yourself.