SD18 Wants us to Co-sign a loan or give her more money for a car!
So when SD18 was 16, I purchased a car for her (out of my own money) and gave it to her. Mistake #1. I told her that she would have to be responsible for the insurance, gas and upkeep of the car. We also told her that she needed to maintain good grades as well. As and Bs. Fair enough I think! The car was a good little car. I drove it for a while until I got the current car that I have. It was nothing fancy, but it was in good shape, had a nice CD player/radio player in it. We even paid for half of the new tires that it needed about 8 months ago. Those were almost $500 for the set -- we paid for half -- well, we paid for the whole thing, but allowed her to make payments to pay for the remainder.
So fast forward to her 18th birthday in February, and she is pushing me to put the car into her name, which I had no problem with, but she was in this big, huge hurry. So I signed the title over to her, and literally the next day she moved out of the house. Okay, that's fine. Go. Then after she graduated she decided she was going to go live with her mom in another state, and her mom apparently was going to give her a truck and she was going to work for her mom and step dad. She hasn't seen her mom since 2004, keep in mind, and the mom is a piece of work.
So she gets there, takes a friend with her, and her and the friend are working for Mom and step dad. Apparently, the friend was stealing from the business and BM and step dad went through SD18s stuff and friend's stuff and found a pot pipe -- so BM asked SD18s friend to leave because they didn't want that in their business or their home (I totally agreed with this 100%). Well, SD18 didn't like that so she got into a fight with BM and SD18 left also. But before she left to BM's house, she sold the car that I gave her for $500! It was worth far more than that, but she basically just gave it away.
So when she left BM's, BM was NOT going to give her this truck afterall.....so now SD18 has no car, no job, no home, etc. Said her Mom "screwed her over". Wow.
So now, she wants us to co-sign on a $5,000 loan for another car! Hell no! She has $800 to put down on the car -- I'm wondering what has she done with all the money she earned over the summer? She has had no rent, no expenses to pay for (her mom was paying for her insurance, her phone, her rent, etc.) -- so her money she was earning was all for her. She blew IT ALL!
So she just called yet again (we don't hear from her at all unless she wants money), and says she's found a car for $3,000 and thinks she can talk the guy down to $2300 -- says she still has $800, and thought WE were going to pay for the REST! I am in just disbelief! Really???? Wasn't ONE car enough for you, you spoiled rotten brat!??
This is the same child that had a "hate journal" dedicated solely to me, bad mouthed me all around town to her friends, her friends' parents -- and we live in a small town.
I am sick to my stomach -- her dad, my DH, told her she wasn't allowed back in our house until she could apologize to me over the stuff above -- she can't even bring herself to apologize. I'm fine with that because it would be a forced apology, and I don't want her back in our house AT ALL!
I just can't believe the stress it brings out in me whenever I know she is calling. I do hate her.
Do not co sign anything at
Do not co sign anything at all. For anyone let alone her unless you are prepared to pay out the loan yourself in the likely event your going to get shafted. Even the most honest of people can lose their jobs or get ill and have no income therefore be unable to pay. Don't co sign ever.
The only thing you should be doing for her now is telling her no, and why it's no. ONCE and once only in the futile hope She might learn you can't treat people the way she has treated you and then go looking for handouts. She has no shame, no pride. She will stiff you with the loan you know she will.
Shoot, she made her bed, she
Shoot, she made her bed, she can lay in it. She's an adult, time to act like one.
No way no how. DH gave each
No way no how.
DH gave each of skids a car for high school, then each got another over the years for guilty daddy syndrome I guess. ss29 and her deadbeat husband and now baby daddy lived with us for a long time. we told them a nominal amount of rent was expected. they never paid.
my kids borrow for a few months and pay every penny back. have paid rent. and have purchased every vehicle and insurance they've ever had. these are responsible people now, not loser skids.
i'll never allow them to have a penny again.
I agree with all of you
I agree with all of you 100%!! My DH so far has told her no he is not co-signing and he will help her wherever else he can (ie giving rides to job, giving rides to bus), but that we have no money and cannot help her that way! She still continues to badger him in phone calls -- telling him that she knew she couldn't count on him, that she never should have asked because he's never helped her before in the past (WHAT?!) -- I'm sitting there hearing this conversation and I told him to "tell her to stop manipulating you" because that is exactly what she is doing! We have given, given, given, only to be crapped on repeatedly by this little shit. Oh, and yes, I believe she was stealing from her Mom's business also -- she has stolen from me several times, stole from my daughter (had a lock on her door so skids couldn't get in), stole from her friends (oh, and she thinks that's ok!).
I always just sit there in disbelief with my mouth open when I hear her yapper on. When she turned 18, like literally 2 days later she sat there and told me "I'm an adult now". I literally laughed out loud!! Then she proceeds to move in with one of her friend's parents and goes on welfare! Oh yah, you're quite the adult there SD18! Piece of work she is!!
I keep telling my DH he better not cave. He was all sulky last night because he knew she was going to be mad at him, but then knows if he tells her yes that I'm going to be mad then. WHAT!.... So I said, so this is all my fault the reason you're acting this way?? So you're telling me if I wasn't in the picture you'd be buying her another car? "Well, no...I just don't want to talk about it anymore." Ummmmm ok.
Then he wants to get all lovey this morning -- let me ask you something. When you've been pissed off, pissed on, crapped on, then he pouts last night .... are you EVER in the mood after that?? Um, no.
She literally brings out the absolute worst in me, and sometimes I think that this is just not worth it. Praying hard again -- it's a battle every day. UG!!
Well, my thinking is that
Well, my thinking is that I've already bought her one car! She chose to sell it for FAR less than what it was worth because she thought her mom was giving her a car -- turns out her mom was NOT giving her a car, so she sold the car that her step mom bought and gave her FOR FREE. So now she has NO car, no money. I'm not going to do that again.
I've found that when I buy her things she only throws them away or doesn't take care of them, etc. so why do it? I've even quit throwing birthday parties for all of them due to their behavior -- no graduation parties anymore -- no nothing. Why should I put myself out there anymore when all they do is treat me like crap??? Not happening!
That's a big fat no to SD for
That's a big fat no to SD for sure. She has a lot of nerve expecting another hand-out after the terrible things she did to you! Stay strong - you are right not to help anymore. Enough is enough already. Time for her to grow up for real.
So SD18 has been ripping on
So SD18 has been ripping on my DH because he won't help her, and apparently he has "never been there" for her, "never done anything" for her ever, and she "knew she couldn't count on him." So my DH has been feeling bad for her, but on the other hand doesn't want her to lose her job because she doesn't have a car. So he thinks he has found an alternative.
My father-in-law (DH's dad) has an OLD pickup truck that's been sitting up in the barn for a while, needs a new windshield, new battery, and is pretty beat up -- he's going to talk to his Dad about selling it to SD18 for at least $750 (which that's probably what it's worth). I told him to make sure that his Dad doesn't give it to SD18 because she won't appreciate it.
He called SD18 just a few mins ago and she actually sounded appreciative! WOW! So now he can tell her "yes I HAVE helped you" -- next time she manipulates him again! So maybe she will appreciate what I did for her when I purchased her that car, that she did not have to put hardly ANY money into at all from the time she purchased it until she sold it -- other than oil changes and did eventually have to buy new tires. I am hoping that this circumstance that she is currently in she will begin to appreciate what we have done for her over the years, and what I have done for her.
Although she still has not apologized to me, but that may never come! Oh well.
I am feeling a little better about the situation now knowing that my DH is not going to give in like he did with SD24. He co-signed on a loan for SD24 against my wishes. He did talk to our pastor and to some other men in our church and they said that if she defaults on it that he should take a second job to pay for it, that it should not come out of our current household budget since he did it without my consent. I think that's fair.
What's fair about him having
What's fair about him having to take a second job, which means more time away from home, and the time he is home, he'd be pretty exhausted. So he could pay off his daughters defaulted loan, I'm shocked they would advise that. The only time anyone should co sign or loan money, is when they have enough spare cash to pay out the loan comfortably if the borrower defaults. No one who would need to take on a second job if the borrower defaulted should be loaning money. That's the best financial advice they could have given him. They could also have pointed out that he owed a daughter who would put him in this position nothing . The bible says honour thy father and thy mother. Not put them into a precarious financial position.
They advised that because he
They advised that because he was choosing to co-sign on the loan -- even though everyone was telling him that he should not co-sign. They said because I was not in agreement on the co-signing that if he chose to co-sign anyways, that it should come from another source rather than from family funds to pay for the defaulted loan. He was finding someone/anyone to agree with the co-signing of a loan. I've always heard to never co-sign.
Yah, his kids don't read the Bible! ha -- they don't care what kind of position they put us in, just as long as they get what they want.
no way is right. she made
no way is right. she made her bed and now it all belongs to her.
the skids need to find out that they need to pay for all the screwed up choices they have made. no enabling. enough hand outs
Block her from your Facebook
Block her from your Facebook
My FB is very limited, and
My FB is very limited, and she is not one of my friends. So that's not an issue thank goodness. I don't have any of the skids as "friends" on my FB for the very reason that they take the stuff I say and twist it, or make me feel bad about posts that have to do with me loving my daughter, or doing stuff with her. My daughter is an amazing young woman, who is kind and considerate -- and these ingrates, well, I don't wish them ill, but just want them away from me. That's all!
My DH is on board btw now as
My DH is on board btw now as far as co-signing on ANYTHING concerning his kids. He knows I will walk.