My Stepkids are constantly getting my daughter sick
Ok so my husband and I will have been together for 2 years in October he has 2 kids 5 and 3 that we get every thursday-sunday. we also have a daughter together who isn't even 1 yet. My first day home from the hospital from having her she sent the kids over I had to have a c-section, and was expected to clean up after them get them food, and such. Since then my daughter has been sick 6 times because everytime they get sick their mom still feels the need to send them over when she was only 4 months old she got RSV from them. She got Roseola from them as well along with 4 other colds that have turned to ear infections. She has sent them with tonsillitis stomach bugs and RSV also. I have begged my husband to please don't let them come over if they are sick seeing as how he isn't suppose to have them but every other weekend anyways. He says I'm always just bitching and need to get over it. I am at the end of my rope with this I have cried because so sick of my daughter being sick. Their mom actually got mad at me for taking them to the doctors because I have to EVERY weekend they live in complete junk! I feel sorry for them, but I'm getting sick of my daughter constantly being sick because BM won't keep them home because she's rather party all weekend than worry about her kids, and my husband doesn't say anything to her about it. What can I do to prevent my daughter from always catching their sickness?! I have threatened to get a hotel every weekend of it doesn't stop, but then he calls me a bad stepmom because I should be on their lives. I'm just so aggravated her birthday is coming up I'm a few days and she is going to be sick for her 1st birthday pictures cause she got sick from them again. What should I do as a mom and stepmom?!
If DH can't understand that
If DH can't understand that HIS baby's health is at risk by allowing his other children to come over sick, then go to a hotel with your baby or find a family member to keep her while they are there. Also, I agree with other comments. Be a germ nazi and keep the sick kid out of common areas. I'm very lucky that my DH will not allow a sick child to visit due to my son being here. We had one instance when BM refused to keep SS home (he had a highly contagious virus that causes blisters on the skin and in the mouth). DH fought with her over it, but eventually gave in. We sent my son to my grandparents for the weekend. I also followed SS with Lysol since he already has horrible hygiene, anyway. I have to constantly stay on him to wash his hands. We always let BM know when DS is sick, too. That way she can decide if she wants SKs to come over or not. I think that has helped in getting her to keep sick kids home, too. Good luck!
I do the hand washing all the
I do the hand washing all the time his 3 year old is just nasty if she's sick an pukes she plays in she still licks her snot an wipes it on pillows and blankets I've tried making them stay in their own room when sick also but I just get blasted for it, and told that its unfair. As a new mom though its hard I get sick even knowing the weekend is coming because all I think is wonder what they will give my daughter this time. My mom keeps saying that about the immune system but they aren't the ones that have to sit up with her all night because she is so sick and can't breath when she catches their colds
My SS6 does this same thing!
My SS6 does this same thing! Makes me want to vomit! I've watched him wipe his nose with his hand and then TRY to put that same hand in a container of food or help make dinner. Umm NO! Get out of my kitchen! The girls have also caught him wiping his butt with his hand and not washing. Just thinking about it is making my stomach roll.
I wish my husband was like
I wish my husband was like that he lets them come sick as a dog barely holding their head up an thinks I'm ok with it I've expressed how I can't deal with it and am tired of my daughter being sick because of them he just tells me it's not their fault and I shouldn't be that way. I told him I'm starting to hate him and them for it because he is suppose to protect our daughter instead he continually allows sick children into our home.
I hear ya. My son inherited
I hear ya. My son inherited my horrible immune system. Lucky him! I made it a point from the get go that if one child is sick, he/she should not come. Same goes for when my son is sick. We let BM know that we don't want the others to catch it. I made it sound like I was looking out for all the kids, and it usually works. I've been very lucky to have a DH who is as logical about things as myself. Also, I don't think it is good for the SKs to be forced to leave home when they are so sick. The last thing any sick person wants is to be shuffled around. Maybe try that approach with DH? If not, just do your best to keep your baby away from them when they're sick, and keep lots of lysol and hand sanitizer in the house. You are in the right, IMO. You just keep doing what you know is best for your baby, and let DH deal with his own sick kids. (HUGS)
^^^^^^^I agree!^^^^^^^ Make
^^^^^^^I agree!^^^^^^^
Make him take care of the crying baby next time she gets sick. He might change his thinking when HE has to deal with it!
That sounds like stuff the 3
That sounds like stuff the 3 year old does I'm constantly telling her to wash her hands she gets mad an starts crying an screaming she wants her daddy it's disgusting! Then after she does something totally stomach flipping she goes an grabs my daughters toys that's after I have told her to wash her hands and she doesn't!
I try that after my daughter
I try that after my daughter got roseola from a virus they came over with the next weekend they were better my daughter wasn't as its hard on babies she was still going to let them come over I said NO and that it wasn't fair to get them sick again well guess what he still got them. When she is sick she only wants me I'm a stay at home mom there with her all the time so she never wants daddy an screams am chokes herself when she is sick for me to get her I get up in the middle I the night with her all the time when she is sick does he ? No! I told him that him nor his ex has to deal with a sick baby and he still doesn't get it. I hate that Im starting to feel anger towards him and his kids because I've been In their lives since the youngest was 18 months old, an I love them well I use to now I just feel hatred towards them because no one seems to care that my baby is continually getting sick from them. I've told them to not handle pacis or bottles an they still do! I am constantly washing them cause they go straight to it after coughing an pick it up right on the nipple.
This is where my inner devil
This is where my inner devil would come out. Even if he can't help with the baby, I'd be sure to wake him up somehow every time I had to get up with the baby. A hard elbow to the ribs usually does the trick and can be played off as an accident }:) . 'Oops! I was in a hurry to get to our sick baby. Sorry!'.while he's not actually having to deal with the baby, he still gets woke up several times and has to listen to the baby crying.
I really do sympathize with
I really do sympathize with you, but this isn't the skids fault. It also is not the BM's fault. What you have is a big ol' husband problem. He doesn't seem to have enough sense to say 'Im sorry not this weekend'. But it wouldn't end there anyway. Even if the skids only came on the CO visitation days it sounds like nasties will be following along right along with them.
It is a shame these little ones are so sickly. What is a bigger shame is your husband dumping all this at your feet. In families in intact homes, there is no 'staying home at BMs', home is right in your house 24/7. There's no having them stay at an opposite parent's house and nobody but mom and/or dad is there to rescue you or the baby from the toddler and 5yr old. It's when parents have to take responsibility for not one but three children in one home, no exceptions. They have to learn to cope and how to keep everybody from infecting and reinfecting each other.
It's washing toys, scrubbing hand until you think they'll fall off, changing clothes between 'sick areas' and 'non-sick areas' (even if it takes toss away gloves and robes). It's setting up the 'sick areas' with one parent tending one way and the other parent tending the other direction. It's keeping the sick ones out of the kitchen, out of the common areas. It hard dirty disgusting tiring work, but nobody else is going to do it and, nowhere else to send the sick and somebody has to do it.
You need to tell that husband of yours that he is responsible for his children and their assigned 'sick areas' during the kids entire visit. He is responsible for every detail of tending to , feeding, bathing blah blah blah of them while they are in the home if there is one tiny indication they are sick. He is also responsible for sanitizing the area when the skids leave. Sick skids don't need their stepmom, they need their father especially considering he is the one agreeing to have them come even on non-parenting time.
Sure, great you came and venting (and truly feel bad for you and totally understand your frustration). Now you need to take action and lay down the new 'law of the house'. He's not taking you seriously and you're not taking any actions other than fighting with him to put a stop to it. Why the h*ll are you taking his sick kids to the dr? Where is this man will you are taking care of everything?
Please, for the sake of your sanity and well being of your baby, put a stop to husband's BS.
I have tried I've cried till
I have tried I've cried till I couldn't anymore and threatened divorce he tells me she will still be sick cause when he gets her he will have the other kids. I said that really says a lot! He works and I have to take them I've had to go straight to the ER after getting them from their moms because they were so sick they couldn't walk. I clean up puke because he is sleeping because he works nights sometimes I've asked them to stay in their rooms and don't be in my daughters face out of spite they will walk up and kiss her or cough right on her as I'm trying to sanitize where they have been I have stalked up on Lysol hand sanitizer Clorox everything you can imagine and yet it does no good because no one listens to the SM!! Dad doesn't do any helping when it comes to sickness I've bitched so much I literally over bitching anymore. It does no good I have begged he said well she's suppose to let me know when they are sick. That's his excuse for not letting us isolate ourselves. I am so tired of fighting with him over this their mom won't take them to the doctor she always says its allergies well it isn't their doctor has even made it clear that she doesn't let them finish meds when she does bring them! I told him from now on we will leave EVERY weekend since he won't tell me if they are sick an he proceeds to call me a bad step mom yet I'm the one that cleans up their puke and has to wipe their noses hell I even have to clip their nails cause BM won't
I agree with Echo. I know
I agree with Echo. I know it's hard to not take care of them, but he won't step up if you keep doing it for him. I would leave with the baby if they continue to come over sick. Let DH take care of his own kids for a change. If he blames you and calls you a bad step mom because he can't take care of his kids, tell him to take a hike. There are a lot of illnesses that can really harm a baby. Don't let him guilt you into not doing best by your child. If he wants to be a crappy parent, so be it. Don't let him bring you down with him.
If it was that easy he works
If it was that easy he works so who has to watch them? Me. When he gets home it's time for kids to go to bed. His ex doesn't like his parents watching them so who gets to do it? Me! I've stopped saying I love you to him I told him when he starts standing up to his ex ill start saying I love you again. I've tried everything threatening divorce only pisses me off cause he says she's still gonna stay sick cause he will get my daughter on weekends some an he will have the other kids. That makes me so angry because if you can see that they are constantly infecting our daughter do something about it! I don't understand why he can't say not this weekend I they are sick. I don't get it he isn't even suppose to have them every weekend anyways so what would be the big deal? He doesn't stand up to his ex at all! He tries to keep her happy and as his wife that has angered me to the point I cringe when he hugs or kisses me I have started feeling like he cares more for her happiness than ours he doesn't seem to care that our daughter turns one in less than a week and is going to have a snotty nose for her pictures her FIRST birthday! An this is the 6th time they have gotten her sick. I asked what he is going to do when they get chicken pox because I have never had them neither has my daughter he say well we have a set schedule. So that means we will be getting them while they have chicken pox. I am so frustrated an angry how can a parent just not care that his new baby is constantly getting sick because he won't let a week go by without his kids. I understand you wanna see your kids but he also has a new family to think about and one weekend won't kill them.
Yes an her not even being 1
Yes an her not even being 1 yet I can't just give her medicine to make her better.
Okay, I get that your
Okay, I get that your exhausted, I get that your stressed about your sick baby. It is a tiring time just adjusting to a baby in the first months of its life, without dealing with a sick baby. BUT, you are making this so much harder on yourself. You are angry with BM you are angry with DH and you are beginning to have feelings of hatred towards little kids. Not healthy FOR YOU, this will increase your stress levels and round and round on the merry go round you go.
These kids are not responsible for any of this, and by the way, 3 year olds are filthy nose picking dirty little things. YOURS WILL BE TO. Wait and see. BM, well she can ask, scream, yell and do handstands to get dh to take the kids. He is a big boy, he can say no, but he doesn't want to. Be grateful for that. You married a man that loves his kids, because he has one with you. Wouldn't you want him to want to see the child you have with him if you were separated. Wanting his kids is a good quality.
The only real problem you have, he's lazy. He doesn't carry his share of the load when the 3 kids are at your place. You are the one getting up with the baby, doing all the running around. DON'T. Whatever your husband can do, don't do for him. If his kids need a doctor, it's his place, if he isn't available, you get his permission, or you get BM to,do it. You cannot just take someone else's child to the doctor. How would you feel if a BM just took your child off to the doctors. If you had dhs permission, then she had no right to get mad at you, and you only had to say, take it up with dh.
You can't change other people, only yourself. So change your attitude. Stop complaining about his kids, and start complaining about the root of the problem the only problem, his lack of support. If you keep telling him you don't want his kids, he's going to draw back from you. You shouldn't even be bringing his kids into it. They are not a problem, they are not at fault, they are not responsible. Leave them out of it. When they are there at weekends get your husband to make, or help you make sandwiches or something for lunch. Or entertain all the kids while you do it. Get him to help you with the washing up. Get him to help you. If he won't, well then you really need to look at the man you married, and think long and hard about having more kids with him. But he is your only problem. So don't invent all the others, you've got enough on your plate dealing with dh.
I agree with many others on
I agree with many others on here, your husband allowing his sick kids over and expecting you to care for them as if you are their mom is the problem. They come to spend time with him, if he has other obligations such as work he needs to tell their mom he can't watch them so she needs to keep them or send them with his parents or get a babysitter. It really isn't that complicated. BM doesn't care for his parents, oh well not her choice or time with them. As long as his parents aren't people the court would frown upon it is none of her business they are blood relatives and should spend time with the children as well. It is not her scheduled time with them so she has no room to say how things should be. Also, think about it if she knows he is sending kids with them and doesn't like it she may rethink sending them his way when it isn't his scheduled time.
Your main responsibility and priority is your child. You are your baby's only advocate it may seem harsh but you have to do what you have to do for your child's health. You see them sick? Get some things ready and take off with her to visit your parents or family or whatever. Kindly explain to your husband that they asked to see her and you couldn't possibly expect the kids to be dragged there and back. They're sick and won't be comfortable how can he expect you to make them tag along everywhere when they aren't feeling good and need to rest? Sometimes you have to spin the ball back in his court and make him look like the bad guy.
By the way it sounds your husband doesn't care what they are sick with and introducing to your baby. He may not care if she catches the flu but the season is here and guess what, it can become deadly very quickly. Be frank with him and tell him you will not sacrifice your baby who has no one to look after her for two kids who can stay with him, their BM, or their grandparents.