H's sister has always been inhospitable, rude and barely civil to me. From day one, she went out of her way to make it clear at H's family events that she did not consider me part of her family and I was nothing more than an (unwelcome) visitor in her family home

H's sister could only get so far with this while MIL was still around. From the beginning I always offered my help to MIL during family get together's and she took me up on it. I was running around serving guests their drinks, serving appetizers, setting the table, letting everyone know where they were seated for dinner, etc.. etc..all per MIL's instructions

When MIL passed away FIL initially depended on me to do a lot . Rather than having MIL there to plan the dinner menu and all, FIL would simply ask H and I to bring certain dishes, H's sister to bring another, and usually H's eldest daughter to bring dessert, with YSD not expected to contribute

H and I would end up providing most of the food, cooking pretty much everything, and doing most of the work. YSD would arrive asking me what was for dinner, where was everyone sitting, etc.. etc..

This was just initially what happened. Very soon and very suddenly after MIL died, H's sister decided that she and "her family" would plan everything and do everything and made sure I was completely excluded. H's sister made a very big deal out of this by suddenly deciding one year at a family get together's at FIL's that she and the family (me totally excluded) would decide what day Christmas dinner would be held on, who would be invited, what the menu would be and who would be cooking what. H's sister included every member of "the family" except me of course - the non blood member. H's sister really exaggerated it all assigning tasks to each person to keep everyone busy doing something prior to dinner including H and FIL but left it so everyone was running around doing as she dictated except me who would be standing around feeling useless.

Anyway it totally back fired as I couldn't be happier to sit back and watch the chaos and power struggle between H's sister and his daughter as both felt they should dictate all family events, the only thing they agreed on is that I should be treated as a nothing more than someone to ignore.

Anyway, it has been this way for a few years now and I have happily sat back and done nothing and watched them stress out and screw up dinner and get irritated with each other and look exhausted at the end of the night. I enjoy my food and wine and talking with those who are civil to me and no longer stress about anything at all

However, FIL moved recently and can no longer accommodate a large amount of guests in his home. He is in a little place with a dining room for six. H's sister's dining room can accommodate even less at 4. So, now the dilemma of where to host H's family events.

H of course decides that he should be doing this at our home but of course he doesn't mean he or we even, he means me.

FIl had moved right before Father's Day and H didn't know what to do. H said either his daughter would host it or we would. I knew there was no way H's eldest daughter would host Father's Day, she feels H should consider himself lucky that she even shows up for Father's Day and gives him a small gift card and Father's Day card. I know she would gladly host any family event with the exception of Father's Day so I knew that meant I would be hosting it and sure enough, H's eldest declined to host so H said we were. And of course, a few days before the dinner H tells me his sister would not be coming, that she was "so confused over who was hosting and when" that she 'accidentally' made plans on that day. We learned from FIL she had taken him out for dinner the night before. I knew she just couldn't handle that it would be hosted in my home, with her not being able to control everything, and would have no say in the menu I served, where everyone sat, etc.. etc..

Anyway, so dh says to me tonight that FIL's birthday is coming up and we should host it, that he is going to tell FIL this. I'm laughing to myself as I know both H's sister and his eldest daughter will have a problem with that. It will either be hosted at H's daughter's house or suddenly FIL will be cramming everyone in his home, with H's sister dictating everything

For my part I could care less, just laughing at the lengths H's sister will go to be the one with all the "power" what a joke