Adult stepdaaughter is toxic
My stepdaughter is toxic. That sounds cruel but she has been trouble for the last 20 years. That's how long her dad and I have been together. She is now 26. She lived her mother who is also toxixand nuts but stayed with us every other we. She would compare what i bought my son to her and her brother and she kept tabs on items and money spent in our house like an accountant. She would steal from us, lie to us, manipulate her mother and father (and me for a long time) , bite and hit her brother etc....and my husband used to believe everything she said for years. It was the only thing we ever fought about. All the time. It would make me crazy. She would tell his family and her mom and stepdad, horrible things about us. Even he finally opened his eyes when she reached her teens, and was so out of control she would leave messages screaming and swearing on the answering machine and only being nice when she wanted something or right before xmas or bday. She had a baby 5 years ago and expected everything from everyone though she was on welfare and in no position to raise a child. We actually moved from NY to FL 4 years ago and she was one of the reasons why. I resent this because I miss my son terribly. She ended up robbing someone with her brother (my ss) and 2 other people. She was in jail for 3 years. She drove us nuts with phone calls, and my husband kept sending her money saying she was paying her due. She is now out and again playing my husband like a violin asking for things. He says maybe she changed give her a chance. She did seem better while in jail when i talked to her. Now she is slipping right bback to her previous patterns. She stalks me on fb and I just defriended her because her posts were so toxic. She has been diagnosed with borderline personality disorder but takes no meds. I am crazy about my husband but don't have respect for him regarding her and his allowing himself to be manipulated by her. I don't know how many more years I can take of this, nothing will ever change. I want her OUT OF MY LIFE!
amen to that. He doesn't
Thank u so much. That gives
Thank u so much. That gives me validation i so desparately need.
I didn't even sratch the
I didn't even sratch the surface with my above post. We had visits from child protection because she was abusing her brother, she od'd, she. Wrote fraudelent checks, she stabbed her boyfriend in the leg, she worked for an escort service etc etc
That is so sad and
That is so sad and hearbreaking, after all his loyalty to HER. Sounds like something similar could happen here, thoughshe would pretend to be heartbroken if her dad died it would really be about the drama and how sad SHE is.
Living with his dad but she
Living with his dad but she gets him too.
You cannot change your dh.
You cannot change your dh. If you want her out of your life do it. Just tell him no more. No more joint finances to sd. If she gets a penny, you will send your son a penny. You will start treating your son the way he does his daughter. If she calls and you answer don't say a word, to her, just get dh to the phone. Basically stop making it easy for dh to keep doing it. That is all you can do, step out of the madness, and refuse to support him while he stays in it. Our dhs seem to suddenly lose their overwhelming passion for their spawn of Satan Princess of Darkness toxic daughters when they're left to deal with them by themselves because we totally bowed out
I think u have hit the nail
I think u have hit the nail on the head. Thank u. I am really going to try not to sucked in anymore. I can't.
Where do I start. I've been
Where do I start. I've been married almost two years. This is my first marriage and his third. I have one daughter and he has a son and a daughter (each by a previous marriage). I am 48 and he is 57. I definitely have a problem with his daughter. His daughter is 22 and has a baby that is 4. His daughter is a heroin addict. We found this out in July of 2012. Shortly after that his ex-wife took custody of the grandchild. His daughter has been in jail, then rehab, jail again, rehab for 35 days, clean for a month, using for three months, is in jail now facing felony charges. In the past month he has put $360.00 on her commissary account and $100.00 on her phone card account. What a way to reward bad behavior!!! By the way, even before she got in trouble for heroin she couldn't/wouldn't keep a job or go to school and was constantly begging him for money to go out with her friends or because the baby needs this and the baby needs that.
When I first met him, his ex-wife would call him up all the time wanting money.... they had been divorced for 10 years and his daughter was 20 but she would still call him up and ask for money all the time and when he would question her about it she would call him names and scream at him. So, finally I told him that it had to stop, that she was manipulating him. So it stopped...... Now that the daughter is in jail and his ex-wife has custody of the grandchild she uses the grandchild as a tool to get money from him and make him feel sorry for her. She is constantly texting or calling him because she has to tell him about what is going on with the daughter or ask him for money for something that the grandchild needs. His grandchild does have a daddy that is in her life, if she needs something he should be paying for it. My husband should not feel obligated to pay for it. It's really not about the money, its about the fact that I feel like this is a way for his ex wife to still have a hold on him and she uses it to her full advantage. He tells me that he only does it for the daughter and grandchild and that he wants nothing to do with his ex-wife romantically and I have nothing to worry about but I know that he is not being completely honest about how much he does do for his ex wife and how much money he really gives her. He is lying by ommission. It makes me feel horrible.
Since we were both older when we got married, we don't have any accounts together. We both work but he makes substantially more money than I do. I am having some car trouble right now and need an expensive repair and when I asked him if he would help me pay for it and I would pay him back he just acted really nasty about it and talked to me like I was stupid. I never ask him for anything, but the one time that I do he treats me like I'm a burden to him. But he will give his ex-wife whatever she wants because she has the grandchild. I just don't get it.
By the way, my daughter is 20, goes to work everyday and school part-time. She lives with her Dad now but lived with me before I got married. Her Dad never married. She is a really good kid.
Anyone have any suggestions???
Good thing your funds are
Good thing your funds are spearate. At the rate your DH is going he will soon be asking YOU for money - and you know what you are going to say.
So sorry salliemae, I don't
So sorry salliemae, I don't know what to tell u. My sd is out f jail and now uses her son to manipulate my husband. It never freakin ends. Don't kid yourself, these manipulative women know what they r doing. I have always been out of my league. The guys just don't get it. Ironically we who r guileless and innocent end up being the ones who r doubted rather than these master manipulators. My dh is now caught up in the welfare of his grandson who is unfortunately another tool and will end up just as messed up as his mother. I keep trying, I love my dh so much. He keeps letting me down.
First of all I am so sorry
First of all I am so sorry for your struggles. So sounds familiar. My sd also has a new tool which is her son. My dh is very softhearted, and keeps saying the past is past, but after 20 years I realized he is in denial. He easily manipu tries to get it but is easily manipulated. I should be so talented. I told him if he spends one more cent on them, and i find out we r through. He took me seriously. Stand up for yourself.
the separate accounts is a
the separate accounts is a great idea. and keep good records. you dont want the Dh to come holding his hand out when he gets low on money.
10 years after the divorce and adult SD means that ex means nothing to him. he owes her nothing.
oftentimes the new wife is the lowest in priorities, right after ex spouse, skids, and parents.
Toxic people should ALWAYS be
Toxic people should ALWAYS be removed from your life. Your DH is being an idiot over this.
My DH had a son who was probably worse - horribly violent gang member, accomplice to murder. He went underground in another state. Fortunately for all he's dead now, but left behind a teen age son who is following in his footsteps. His children may be my DH's grandchildren but they are not in our lives at all.
I'd rather pick up a stray dog in the street than allow toxic trash in my life no matter the genetic relationship.
Absolute correct Oldone,
Absolute correct Oldone, absolutely correct.
Just got into another
Just got into another argument with dh. He is all up and down my shit cuz I was sucked into giving his dd moneylast time I saw her. He states how come I can be sucked in and give her money but he can't. I explainedi am more judged and vulnerable than he is because I am the evil stepmom. I id, don't worry, I. Will never do it again. He said I hate them. Even though, I have worried about them for years, tried to meet with their mom, get them counseling, and tried to make them feel loved by me, I guess I hate them. Giving them money makes me hate them? If I was a Rockefeller maybe. My husbands parents want nothing to do with them or their grandson, its a pakage deal. But I am apparently so evil. Ready for a divorce.
I know exactly how you feel.
I know exactly how you feel. look into your heart and see whether or not you are happy. put your own feelings first.
If anything happens to his
If anything happens to his kids, we will be done. He thinks I hate them, and I don't. They r just fucked up.