Your husband, her father was done with her, but YOU kept the relationship going. She wanted nothing to do with you, but YOU kept the relationship going, even when your husband did the right thing, showed her tough love, which would have been really hard for him, you just ignored how he felt and kept up a relationship with a person he wanted nothing to do with. That was totally disrespectful to him, and wrong. SD is not ruining your marriage. You are. You are not her mother, you may think you are, feel entitled to be treated as though you are, be the closest thing to a mother she's ever had, BUT YOU ARE NOT HER MOTHER. So, you decide, do you want a relationship with this young woman who has no respect for you, who plays you for a fool, and sees you as an easy touch. Who is rude and ungrateful, and low enough to use her unborn baby to make money from, to blackmail you with, or do you want your marriage. If it is the using and abusing step daughter, leave you husband. Be aware in your old age, when you have no money to give her, she will not be the type to look after you, you will be out on your arse.

If you want your marriage, apologise to your husband, tell him you were wrong, you should have listened to him and understood where he was coming from, and how hard it must have been for him to cut her off, instead of looking out for yourself and trying to look like the good guy, trying to be liked. . Apologise for being selfish, and not being there for him and fully supporting him in his decision. Because you see, in keeping a relationship with her after he stopped, you were undermining your husband as a parent. He was giving his daughter a clear message that he felt her lifestyle was totally wrong and he would not support it in anyway, you, in ignoring that and keeping up a relationship with her were giving her the message, your father is an idiot, don't take any notice of him, I support you, against my husband. Not nice, and not right. If you really want your marriage, respect your husbands wishes in this, because he did the right thing, donate the clothes back to charity and cut that girl off. Let her learn, stop helping her to live the lifestyle she's living and then complaining about her. If you and your husband are at each others throats over her, it's not because of her, it's probably because your husband resents the hell out of you for enabling her, and he's right to do so. You need to look at yourself here and hope your husband can forgive you for the damage you've done to his daughter. I hope you can see this from his point of view, because you will need to if you want to work on your marriage..

Look - she is a toxic POS. Remove her and anyone associated with her from your life.

Thank goodness your DH also realizes how worthless she is.

Someday she may decide to get clean and sober - deal with that IF it ever happens. For now just enjoy your life and think of her as dead.

Then don't. Casring for others is a wonderful trait. However all of us here who suffered the most made the same fatal mistake you did. In caring for others, you forgot to care for yourself. You took care of everyone's needs but your own, your whole identity is rapt up in being a carer and she is blocking you from caring for her in the way you wanted to, the way you always had, you would have felt lost and anxious over that I'm sure. But learn the lesson. It's good to care for others but you need to look after you too. If you give all your love to others, you have nothing left for yourself, that is not good. As far as she goes, you never have to see her again, your husband can make hs own choices.

As far as supporting her goes. Cutting off cash is fine, but if you then purchase basic items such as diapers etc., you are allowing them to have extra cash for themselves, it saves them from purchasing these items for themselves and they can use the money you saved them from spending on the baby to buy things, even drugs for themselves.

Well done. I was one of the ones who hit you hard. I wasn't trying to be unkind or lack understanding. I saw you were in a mess and sometimes the tough love approach is the only thing that works. You know yourself how good you have been to your sd. It hasn't worked has it. So, now it's just time to see that, and cut her loose. You made me laugh when you said " I don't care how selfish my sd thinks I am." Obviously, your thinking about her feelings still. DON'T. it's about you and your little ones now,, and you my friend have no idea how blessed you are having such a wonderfully supportive husband. The vast majority of us here are here because, while we have step kid problems, our biggest problem is our head in the sand husbands who are living on planet denial. I admire your husbands strength.

You will be fine. It goes against the grain for you to cut her off. Most of us were that way too. But this leaving 99 sheep to fend for themselves and hopefully be safe and well, while you focus all your attention on the broken one isn't right. You have done all you can for your sd. You are not being selfish. You are stepping out and giving her the freedom to live her life in the way she chooses. She's not going to like that either funnily enough , people like this are not happy unless they are dragging the whole family down with them, so be prepared for that. But just stick to your guns, be strong, enjoy your lovely husband and family and don't allow yourself to let this girl bring her misery into your life.

You are obviously very strong. You can do this. Your not being selfish, your doing the right thing by your husband and family, but for once, your doing the right thing for you too. Well done Sorry if I hurt your feelings with my first post, but glad if it helped you out of the fog.