question for the guys
Okay. I want some opinions on this please...my separated husband and I have been apart for 2 years now. We have 5 children- 3 of which are still in the home under our care. He recently went far away on a trip and so it was known that I would be the parent watching over the kids. All fine. However, upon arriving safely to his detination he contacts our grown daughter and his gf to let them know, and not me, not our 3 kids at home. He tells our daughter to let the kids know, leaving me entirely 'out of the loop'. He was gone for two weeks and did not contact me or the 3 kids once during that time. He is due back I *think* within the next day or so, only because that was the tentative info I was given before the trip. Would it not be common sense and just a common courtesy for him to contact me regarding his arrival and departure, seeing as I am the other parent and am NOT acquainted with his gf at all???
I would think for safety/legalities in the very least it would be sensible to let me know...am I expecting too much? Or is he the donkey in this instance. I am so absolutely offended and hurt by his silence and feel completely ignored and disrespected. I have certainly lost a great deal of respect for him.
He doesn't have to call you.
He doesn't have to call you. Having the older kid inform the younger kids that he had landed safely was a great idea.
I would hate it if BM would
I would hate it if BM would contact DSO about her comings and goings. BM has in the past talked to OSS and he relayed info such as her surgery was successful. Her surgery only affected DSO in the manner of consoling the little ones if there had been an issue with surgery.
Normally you reach out to the people you love and are concerned for your safety for matters like that. Your ex did reach out to those he loves.
The only thing I would call
The only thing I would call my ex-wife for would be to inform her that I dropped 40 lbs, got a huge promotion at work and my new wife loves playing Twister with me naked.
Yes. He has moved on and so
Yes. He has moved on and so should you.
why should you feel hurt??
why should you feel hurt?? He's not your responsibility any longer. I think you are causing hurt and concern where none should exist.
I hope you didn't voice this to your children? They don't need ideas planted into their heads that their father doesn't care enough to contact them.. blah blah blah.
He let the main ppl know that all was well. And apparently, you aren't one of them. The kids.. meh, they do their thing and don't really keep up with where daddy is I'm sure. My kids never did.
You seem to be more concerned that you weren't notified personally of his plans and his arrival. But you were told all was well. So you knew he was ok and that your could relay that to your kids.
I think you just need to realize that you are not in that role in his life anymore. It sounds like you have a lot of soul searching and realization to work through. Good luck. Moving on is hard but it can also drop a ton of weight off your shoulders.
Well, one thing is for sure-
Well, one thing is for sure- you men are brutal. My 'ex' and I made the agreement that we would always remain friends. My idea of a friend and a co-parent is having the decency to show enough human respect to just send a quick txt my way or something. Didn't even have to be a drawn out phone call or anything fancy. But I suppose that my idea of what a friend is, is entirely different than what his is. So now I adjust my sails. Just because my bf and his ex basically talk several times a week often for about an hour per phone call, AND date one another every couple of mths for a few hours, doesn't mean that I'll get a brief txt or call from mine. I understand that much. My bf has the exact opposite problem- or rather, guess that one is also MY problem. He doesn't seem to mind, and neither does she! You guys see any problem with that one, seeing as they were getting it on lonly last September? Or am I just to let that roll off of my back too, and take that like a man also? There's absolutely NO justice in this world, because frankly I am the one who deserves the friendship from my ex, and I don't get even acknowledged. Meanwhile my bf's ex just likes toying with me and him- all for her own ego. Feel like I'm all alone. Like no one could possibly ever understand my position.
I don't think any of us are
I don't think any of us are brutal. When you are involved in a relationship with someone, you have every right be treated a certain way. You expect to be loved, respected, to be thought of, etc. When you are FRIENDS with someone, you cannot demand the same kind of treatment. Are you honestly expecting your friend to think of you when he is on vaction with his family? If I told my friend that I was *thinking* of them when I was on vacation with my wife and my family, my friend would think I am on crack. You can expect certain things from friends, but what you are asking is the equivalent of being placed on equal standing with his GF and his children. Sorry to break this to you StillLiving, but guys are just not wired that way. If your ex did call you, how do you think his new GF would feel?
ETA: You being upset over this is going to make a lot of us think that you still have a *thing* for your ex.
You need to forget about your
You need to forget about your ex and figure out why you want stay with a man who dates and has sex with his exwife. :?
>>Just because my bf and his
>>Just because my bf and his ex basically talk several times a week often for about an hour per phone call, AND date one another every couple of mths for a few hours, doesn't mean that I'll get a brief txt or call from mine.<<
WAIT A MINUTE - Your BF - as in boyfriend talks on the phone with his exGF and go out on a date every few months?????? :jawdrop:
Instead of getting all butt hurt because your STBX didn't call you to let you know he's back in town, you should be worried about your BF basically cheating on you with his exGF.
I'm not a guy, but I didn't
I'm not a guy, but I didn't think any of the responses you got were "brutal". You asked for the input, and got it.
*I* wouldn't have contacted my ex, either. I would have done as he did, let the oldest child know, and ask that they let the youngers know. I'm sure the oldest knows when he's getting back. It may not be out of line to ask her, simply so you know what sort of plans you can/should make.
But really - being friendly is not the same as being friends. And no - I wouldn't let a friend know that I arrived safely somewhere unless there was a good reason to. Like... I'd been visiting them and was asked to drop a line when I get home. But just a random friend? Nope.
They have date nights?? And
They have date nights?? And talk on the phone for hours?about what? Seems like their priority is still each other still living. Re kin your ex has the right idea. Friends with an ex is not workable. How are you supposed to emotionally detatch if no one goes anywhere. Put your foot down or out the door. You are being disrespected
That's the part that kind of
That's the part that kind of boggles my mind. Her BF is rubbing his rhubarb with his ex and yet StillLiving is here bitching over the fact that her ex didn't send her a measly text?
I agree that he does not need
I agree that he does not need to inform you as to his whereabouts anymore. You are not with him. I do feel that he should have called to spoken to his younger children, but that is just my opinion.