Will SD ever learn to speak up?
I've been SM for 10 years to my 11 year old SD and I'm hoping that someday she'll learn to speak up for what she wants instead of letting her bio-parents' petty disagreements disrupt her life.
This time BM won't let our 2 weeks with SD begin until 6pm Monday night (vs. 7am Monday morning as we'd agreed).
So now my SD will miss the first day of a week-long summer camp that's been on the joint schedule for months.
I'm so tired of BM's power plays that end up hurting my SD...
SD told her father, she "just didn't know what to do" even though she "really doesn't want to miss a day of camp."
I've encouraged SD to speak up for what she wants, but she seems scared to do so, especially with her mother...
I wish there was more I could do than simply trying to clean up the mess that floats down stream.
Be careful with this. The
Be careful with this.
The crazy BM has taught SDs 6&8 to"speak up". What it really is is a green light to talk back/argue with adults.
That's a good point, it could
That's a good point, it could totally backfire on all of the adults involved if speaking up becomes a floodgate for talking back. Especially since SD is a pre-teen and all those hormones are kicking in- talking back will be in high gear soon enough!
Just wish BM wouldn't try to mess with our time, because she's really just hurting her own daughter in the long run.
I do hope I can help SD to
I do hope I can help SD to respectfully speak up when necessary or appropriate.
We may be headed back to court soon because these power plays from the BM are new, along with her new husband (& a new s-dad for my SD too!). Ugh. I don't want to go to court- but I'd rather not have BM mess with us like this. The two weeks don't have a defined start time in the contract- and she took advantage of it, all while hurting her own daughter. I just don't get it.
SD telling each bio-parent what they want to hear is totally part of this. I've remained a good middle ground over the years for my SD as she still regularly talks to me about the difficulties w/ each of her bio-parents. Maybe SD thinks that by sticking with her BM on this (even though SD doesn't like it) she's doing her BM a favor. They are settling into a new home with a new husband/Step-Dad and my own SD probably doesn't want to rock the boat there. It's a good point I hadn't considered until just now.
Thanks everyone for giving me another way to look at things. That always helps.