You are here

Update: If skid starts living with us full-time, why do we still have to pay BM support???

newmommy05's picture

Submitted by newmommy05 on Fri, 07/26/2013 - 12:56pm

Forums: 
General Discussion

SS9 is here for the summer. BM currently has full legal and physical custody. She has told us time and time again that she can't handle SS anymore and wants to send him to come live with us. DH didn't want to push it, but he and BM talked this morning about it and she said she will let him live with us for at least a year to see how he does. She also asked DH if he can continue his support...DH told her the money is to help raise SS, but he didn't tell her a definite no, in case she were to change her mind and not let him live with us. She told him that money was tight and she has no other choice. BTW BM is on welfare, although very able bodied to work. She's 30 and has never had a full-time or part time job that last more than 2 months. When DH told me this, I told him he better get to a lawyer because we are not going to keep paying her CS and keep SS. If anyone has experience with this please share your advice!

overworkedmom's picture

Submitted by overworkedmom on Fri, 07/26/2013 - 1:15pm

You can file yourself but make sure you make it all legal. Once custody is established CS stops for you and can start for BM if you wish. My state has a minimum of $65 a month even if the parent doesn't work.

TASHA1983's picture

Submitted by TASHA1983 on Fri, 07/26/2013 - 1:27pm

I agree...I don't like my SS11 at all and would never want to live with him 24/7!

But if I had to choose, I would GLADLY want DH to pay her CS than to have to deal with that kid more than DH already has him!

If the only issue is that she can't "handle" him then tough shit for her, that is what being a parent is all about! She should have kept her legs closed if she didn't want to deal with what comes along with the territory of having kids.

If there is no abuse/legit neglect etc. then he should just stay with her and continue business as usual. imho.

It just blows my damn mind how so many women STILL want to get their pay day just because they birthed these kids and if they somehow go to live with the other parent they still expect to get $$$ for them! :?

Unfreakingreal's picture

Submitted by Unfreakingreal on Fri, 07/26/2013 - 1:44pm

Sounds like our BM, who TRULY told my DH that SS could live with us BUT that he needed to continue paying HER CS and that SHE would make sure to provide SS with whatever he needed at our house.
I put the kaboosh on that QUICK. I said "Absolutely NOT. If he sets one foot in this house without a court order we are over." Sure enough, he took her to CS and had the CS stopped.

Amazedstepmom's picture

Submitted by Amazedstepmom on Fri, 07/26/2013 - 2:58pm

I would if you both do want him there full time- get the conversation in writing somehow probably via email would be best...have dh not commit to long term continuation of support in writing but maybe something generic such as for now I can continue but we can reevaluate it at a later date but don't specify or confirm a later date.
I'd personnaly suck it up and pay it for 3 months to establish residency- enroll him in school, activities, etc. Then file in 3 months to permanently change custody, and child support.
If you say anything now, bm may not look at best interest of sk and keep him to continue receiving support. Believe me we are dealing with this right now. I'm certain our bm doesn't want primary any longer but her monthly check that allows her to work 20 hrs a week keeps her from doing what kids want and whats right.

SMof2Girls's picture

Submitted by SMof2Girls on Fri, 07/26/2013 - 3:15pm

I kind of agree. If you can't get BM to agree in writing to hand over full custody, then I would keep my mouth shut until you can get him enrolled in school and establish full time residency.

christinen's picture

Submitted by christinen on Fri, 07/26/2013 - 3:11pm

If your DH has full custody, BM is the one who should be paying CS. My DH and the BM have 50/50 so no one pays CS (that's pretty common from what I see in our state). There is no way in hell you should pay her a dime if you have the skid all the time. But like another posted said, are you sure you want the skid all the time? I would pay anything to have my SD stay with BM!!

simifan's picture

Submitted by simifan on Sat, 07/27/2013 - 9:11am

Usually CS and custody are separate. When SD came to live with us all DH had to do was send them a copy of the custody agreement to get CS to stop. Then file his own claim.

Get her to sign custody over, then tackle the CS.

newmommy05's picture

Submitted by newmommy05 on Sat, 07/27/2013 - 11:42am

Thanks everyone for the advice! DH will be talking to a lawyer this week to get temporary custody and then we will apply to stop the CS after that.