In my experience you're going to have to prove incompetence on the part of the mother before a child under 14 is going to be taken away from a bio-mother. One year old? Unheard of in my experience.

You do have a strong argument for 50/50 but how to prove it. A diary with dates and times will help but I'm still pessimistic. Frankly you would be better to show up without an attorney if she does the same. Judges tend to give some leeway to non-represented petitioners.

And don't let an attorney tell you otherwise - its money for them that's involved.

My advise is take another year. Keep a careful written log of exactly when the kid arrives and leaves. Put the log by the front door.

Second spend that year studying the court procedures and prepare your own case.

Third be prepared for disappointment but if it does at least you'll have few dollars down a drain and it just might work.

We looked into pursuing custody for SD-then-15 and came to the conclusion that it wasn't worth it. At $250/hour, plus the court bias in BM's state, we would probably be looking at our costs (around $20k) AND BM's costs (free for her because she'd use a family member, but inflated for us) for a total of ~$40k WHEN we lost a year later. When we've got a teenager going to college in 3 years, that's way too much.

Our BM isn't unfit per se - she's an emotional manipulator who has been known to beat her kids, but she's not making them live in squalor, not feeding them (the 8yo and 16yo top 300 lbs combined), leaving marks from hitting, or anything actually provable.

Unless your BM is actively endangering the child, your DH has just about zero chances of getting custody. And given your state, he will ALWAYS pay CS.

I live in TX and no on of no known child support deviation for 50/50 custody cases. You may have 50/50 but there will still be a NCP named, and that person will pay a straight 20% of income for one child.

TX is one of the states left with archiac child support guidelines.

Just the initial legal dealings from beginning to end lasted nearly 2 years and a little under 15k from DH's side. Just to get the court order done about CS, gave up visitation, and full custody to BM.

Fun, right? 15k just to get screwed over anyway.

Didn't want to drag it (he had no more money--literally 0 bank balance) out so he conceded about most things. Only thing that didn't get conceded was her ability to see his tax returns every year. Nope, that was the one thing he refused to budge on. But hey, they got everything else so thank god for small favors, right?

CS was state percentage, daycare was $100 bucks, she keeps the kid on her health insurance, full custody for her, no visitation, oh and pay for half the birthing costs.

Only the lawyers won in the end. I won't say BM even did because she WANTED to fight with him in court because that was her only means of communication.

Lovely.

You know what we could have done with that 15k? Save it up for the kid's college. So f the court system and all its, as rags likes to say, "bottom feeders".

More than you have. Mine over $30,000. His, shoot...maybe over $50,000.

It will cost every penny that you budget for it and more. Just because that is how the system works.

We are long time Texas residents (Williamson County) but our CO was in Oregon.

In legal and court fees our battle with my SS's SpermClan cost us ~$7K over the course of a year, not counting airfare, rental cars and hotels during the year long court battle to counter SpermGrandMa's attempt to gain custody for the statutory rapist SpermIdiot.

We successfully defended my wife's custodial parent status and obtained a Court Order that allowed us to effectively preserve our kid's best interests for the duration of the CO. Our battle started when the Skid was ~1yo and the court phase ended a few days before his 2nd birthday. We had a few minor hearings after that regarding clarifications and child support amendments but nothing major.

After the $7K Oregon costs the remaining 16 years of keeping the blended family opposition in line was not overly expensive. We spent no more than a couple of $thousand more until the kid aged out from under the CO.

What ultimately gave us the leverage to keep the SpermClan under control was our Texas attorney. Our Oregon attorney was a group hug advocate that defaulted to listening to my wife vent while charging us for the call and then counseling us to work it out with the SpermIdiot.

After we had our primary family court hearing and the CO was set we quit dealing with the Oregon attorney and used our Texas attorney. He is no bullshit and gets results.

I grew tired of the ineffective Oregon lawyer and we interviewed several attorneys in the Austin area to take our case. We met with several and chose our attorney during our first consultation with him.

He took our appointment and gave us clarity immediately by asking us a few very specific questions.

1) What is it you want to accomplish with this action?
2) Are you motivated by sticking it to biodad or by looking our for your child's best interests?
3) Are you prepared for a long and expensive effort?
4) If I do not think what you are trying to accomplish is appropriate or achievable will you consider alternative recommendations?

I wrote him a retainer on the spot.

At that time SpermGrandMa was attempting to force an October visitation that was stipulated in the OR Court Order. In OR kindergarten was not mandatory and there was a 10 day October visitation the order. Since we were Texas residents and kindergarten is full time the kid would have missed school

Our attorney wrote the SpermClan and their attorney a letter clearly outlining what they would do and what the consequences would be if they chose not to including what would be presented to the court regarding the SpermIdiots lifestyle and behavior. They quietly changed their minds about October visitation. Once they complied we gave them an extra three days of visitation during the summer prior to the October visitation and 4 days the summer after the October visitation. We are committed to our kids best interests, we are not unreasonable.

Our Texas attorney never had to do more than write a letter regarding any issue after that. He scared the shit out of them. We still have him on retainer 18 years later. We have used him for everything that we need legal services for.

Drop me a PM and I will be happy to share his contact information. He is not in the Dallas area but he may be able to give you a referral to someone in your area or take your case anyway.

Our home is now in the Houston area and we still use him.

SHIT>>>> This is an old thread. Never mind.

Finding the right divorce attorney is critical at this time in your life. Find out how to determine if a particular divorce attorney is right for you, and some questions to find out before you get too far down the road with them.
child support

This is the law firm that I would use in Dallas. http://www.raggiolaw.com/

The late Louise Raggio was a well known force in Dallas family law. I believe it's her sons who now run the firm. Just the mention of the name Raggio used to make other divorce lawyers quake in their boots.

Just for a court order for CS was 2 and a half years, about 15k total from start to end. But we're cross state (BM lives half the country away) so that added to the cost of having to establish paternity, decide which jurisdiction, changing lawyers due to changing jurisdiction, etc.

8 grand to get 50/50. ex DH wanted full and I wanted 50/50. 8 grand..........if DH had not caved after guardian ad litem said no reason for ex DH to have full, it could have gone as high as 20-25 my lawyer told me. So sorry - DOCUMENT everything, dates, times etc. You have to go in with a notebook FULL, not just your word. Its what I was told. I'm very sorry

DH spent somewhere around $20K and it took over 2 years, but he won. Make sure you check the other parent's Facebook and Twitter pages for evidence! That was a big help for us - BM posted things about killing SD, having wild parties when SD was supposed to be with her, etc. Take photos of anything that might help - filthy clothes, inappropriate clothes for the weather (shorts in the snow), dirty fingernails, injuries/infections. And the others are right about keeping a journal of EVERYTHING. Specific dates and times will help. If you have no evidence, don't try yet. Wait until you have something, start saving money for now so you're ready when the time comes.

We've spent well over 15000 in just lawyer fees, not to mention doctor bills because the mother used drugs during pregnancy. It is hard to get custody and its best to get an older, experienced attorney whom knows the judges in your area but is not best friends with them and constantly in their courtroom. We had CPS involved in our case and testified on our behalf but they still give mothers chances. Ours gets no visitation for a year til she can pass 4 random hair follicles but still we feel she should have reviewed no chances. We've had the child for a year now and she's made no attempt to be a mother. She's provided nothing for him financially, physically, or emotionally. It's very sad, and hard on me and my husband too.

We also kept visitation journals, Facebook messages, crazy text messages, missed CPS visits, failed drug tests. And we were even sent an anonymous Facebook message that the bm wrote to her aunt about needing to get detox or she is effing screwed, mind you she was ordered to take a fingernail scraping. We also supoenad her medical records during pregnancy which showed she failed for methamphetamine a and opioids at 8 months pregnant. You have to have TONS of proof

my fiance is at around $6K now and it all started in August/September 2013. She threw the first punch as retaliation for him merely trying to get her to follow the divorce agreemetn and parenting plan.

BM practically begged us to take custody of SD, CPS was involved and the police had been called to her house. At the time we thought SD would either be sent to foster care or our home. Seemed like the only real option at the time was to take custody. I should have known when MIL suggested to DH that it may be the best thing for SD to go to foster care.

She just didn't want her child support to stop. She also had no money for an attorney. This has been going on since July. The process varies by state but there are usually several steps to the process before you can even hope to go in front of a judge. BM ignored the first several communications completely and eventually yelled at DH that he got an attorney. DH's attorney had offered a settlement that acknowledge that DH had been current with a $200 overpayment on CS, required BM to pay the legal minimum in cs, DH would pay for insurance and most medical bills. The agreement would give DH sole custody and the right to claim SD on tax returns.

She eventually got a legal aide that thought for about 20 minutes they would play hardball. They asked for joint custody, no cs, refused to acknowledge DH was current on his cs prior to sd moving in, visitation every weekend and holiday and alternating years on taxes. They added that if he didn't agree they would ask for a delay in the court ordered mediation and push for a full evaluation of the finances to prove he should take 100% financial responsibility. I about went through the roof on this. DH felt like there was little point in arguing since BM had never followed the previous order she was not likely to follow this one. At the time we started this BM owed DH over $3k in medical bills, she would take SD to the doctor and refuse to pay for it.

I agreed there is little chance BM will help to support her child. Since CS has stopped, BM is behind on her mortgage (despite having her 30 year old son living in the home as well) and claims to have no car (not sure why there are two parked in her driveway every time we go over there). She and SD have both suggested that since DH is married to he can afford to give SD whatever she wants or needs. It's because of this attitude I made DH follow thru.

Because I made him stick to his guns we got the most important things, the relief of future cs payments and the ability to claim the exemption. Things should be final this week or next.

Had BM had an attorney from the beginning it would have likely cost us considerably less.