I can not believe BM's Treat Their Kids This Way
Hi guys. Just joined this forum today and hope I can find some understanding. I've been going through hell. Married my DH almost two years ago. He s a great guy and my best friend. His BM and my SD are a different story. It is a barrage of hateful texts daily (to him) about how I'm a crappy mother (my older sons reside primarily with my ex and his wife, due to the fact hat when we divorced, I was working FT nights\weeends in an ER and the boys needed stability....trust me.... I have joint custody, still have a house key, pick them up after school, and see them four days EVERY week on the days I'm not working), and how she doesn't want anything to do with her Dad until I'm gone forever. I have tried. I never talk bad about her Mom, I encourage DH to spend every minute with her when he has her (despite this, she still claims that DH spends no time with her because he loves me more than her).
I feel like a second rate citizen when she's here and find myself resenting her. I know she's only ten and its unreasonable for me to feel this way. She's still a great kid but my God, when she's at her BM's and they're both saying horrible things about me via text, it's frustrating.
I try and stay grounded with my own kids, family, school (I graduate college in Dec), work, exercise, and prayer. Anyone have any tips?
Your DH needs to take control
Your DH needs to take control of this situation and set some boundaries. She treats you this way because he allows it. It's unacceptable for a 10yo to talk to ANYONE like that .. I don't care what their situation is.
I don't have a ton of advice,
I don't have a ton of advice, but one thing that needs to be made clear to your SD is that it is NOT a competition. You are his wife, she is his daughter and those are two completely different relationships. There is no "he loves you better", there is no comparison between the love for a wife and the love for a daughter, one is not more than the other, they are just DIFFERENT. Period. He needs to put this on repeat when talking to her about you, and then shut down the rest of her objections.
I wish kids would learn a new
I wish kids would learn a new line. I've heard that for years. I only reply to it once in a while. I used to just remind them that I'm married to him and they're not. Two months ago, when one said it (again, and she's 19 now), I told her that, yes he does love me more. I'm his wife. Your his child, you grow up and get a love of your own. Does't diminish how your father feels about you, but it's not the same. Stop trying to make it so.
At 10, I would ignore her. I would just raise an eyebrow, shrug and turn away. Not worth it. You'll be surprised at how much satisfaction there is in not playing HER game.
DH is going to have to set
DH is going to have to set boundaries YES...but...you are pretty much screwed since the skid is around a BM that likes to run her mouth about YOU in front of the kid. Alot of us on here have already been there done that.
Thanks so much for your
Thanks so much for your feedback. He has done a much better job of standing up for me but it's like a broken record with the BM. We'll see what happens. Thank God I stay so busy. Lol
This site is wonderful. Thanks again