Another Evil Step Mom here
I am a divorced Mom with 2 kids from my previous marriage. My son is 13, my daughter is 8. I recently remarried and my husband has a daughter 13, and a son that is 8. His son lives 300 miles away, his daughter lives with her Mom 700 miles away. We only have them for Christmas or Thanksgiving, spring break and the summertime. All 4 of our children get a long just fine. My problem is this. I try to cater to them way to much. My husbands daughter is a picky eater. My kids will eat anything, and I was raised you eat what is on your plate. I work 40+ hours a week, pay the bills, cook dinner, clean house, and make time for the kids and my husband always. All responsibilities are on me. Knowing that she is a picky eater I have had to modify my weekly meal to her liking. This year is worse than last. Now I am making the same stuff she likes, she asks for what she wants and now she won't eat it. She makes a face and just stares at it. My husband and I came to the conclusion that if she doesn't want what I am making she is to make a sandwich or any other easy make meal from the pantry (pasta roni, chef boyardee, etc) Last night we cooked out, chicken and hot dogs, she asked for both, made a face :sick: and my husband quickly disregarded and just threw away the food. This made me upset. Why ask for the food if you aren't going to eat it? I got frustrated and walked away, he got mad that I got frustrated and picked a huge fight, so bad that all 4 kids were crying. Ok....its just food, but discipline and structure is lacking somewhere, I can't afford to continuously cater to her when I don't have to do that for my kids. Worst of all I feel like my husband, the man I love does not have my back. I understand its his kids but we have to work through this together. He is quick to throw in the towel and run away with his kids. Its bad enough the responsibilities of this family fall on me, the planning, and the finances. Most of the time I still feel like just their Dad's girlfriend. I have been with the man for over 5 years. Because of me he gets to have his kids. I have stood behind him in child support court, traveled all across Texas to make sure he picks up his kids and gets time with them. I spend every last penny I have to make sure all 4 kids have a good time as their Mom's can't afford to do things with them. Am I the cash cow? The girlfriend? The wife? I don't want to replace their Moms of course, but I do want love and respect as I give them. My kids aren't perfect angels but when they disrespect my husband I immediately put that in check, my kids no better and have come to love and respect their step dad with my guidance, I don't get that from my step kids. Please help, any advice, I feel like I am on the verge of a breakdown...
Agree with Scubed.... Your
Agree with Scubed....
Your dear husband needs to get through to his kids and discipline them. They will respect you in your home and they will either eat what you have prepared or go without. I have a bio nephew who is equally ridiculous in my home when he and his now divorced Dad (my brother) come to call.. I think it is a way of getting attention because it taps into our nurturing instinct and it really is annoying. But guess what? they won't starve if they miss a meal. My nephew ate nothing but bread for the weekend (having refused chicken, mash, suasage, or other food that he was supposed to like. He is 13.
As you have catered for her requests, tell her that's what she's getting and if she doesnt eat it, there is no alternative -- but it will need you husnad to get your back on this.
texnurse, Like you, I do all
texnurse,
Like you, I do all the grocery shopping, the cooking, cleaning ect. I don't mind it, (I'm a guy who LOVES cooking). My SS is also an extremely picky eater. For the longest time, he would not only get away with wasting food but my DW would let him have two servings of desert and snacks later.
Also like you, I had a major blow-out with my wife over this. It's just not right. Kids should NOT learn that wasting food is okay. The solution occured when my wife and I switched roles for a few days. my wife had to do all the grocery shopping, all the cooking, etc. When SS wasted his food, *SUDDENLY* it was NOT okay and DW gave him a wicked tongue lashing.
Things are much better now. My SS still wastes food, but no where near as much as he used to. We let SS have some say in what we are planning to make for dinner, but we make sure he eats everything on his plate.
DH put me in charge of ss's
DH put me in charge of ss's meals because he admitted he failed. Catering to picky creates pickier and pickier kids. I have a simple rule. If you don't eat your dinner you can't have snacks later. SS went one night without snacks and now he eats his dinner. We make things he likes. We aren't forcing the kid to eat green peppers and onions, but his pickiness was so bad he would eat chicken nuggets, but wouldn't touch homemade chicken. Told him he had to at least take one bite of it if he wanted snacks later. Now the kid will eat a whole piece of chicken. DH threw out the dinner I made one time and made skid something else and I told him if he ever did that again I would no longer fix ss any plates of food. Make your DH fix your sd her plates of food. He will be less likely to throw it out if he put it together himself.